Captain's Blog

Der Gestapo!

2007-09-20T01:08:00.000+10:00

So, no trip to the ‘Scland’ is complete without a visit to some notorious n tucked away memento of the Nazi yoke, n Koln is no exception. The party started from some qite inauspicious beginnings – not very well supported, in fact, in 1923, the Commies took more of the vote, but as we know, following the 1933 Putchse, it was game over. The Gestapo prison wasn’t actually that horrific, the cells were small n narrow and had no bunks or seats and were over-crowded, but when I compare to the conditions of humans even Soviet Citizens in Russia, I can’t get excited. And, horror of horrors, the Gestapo did actually let people go – not often, but it did happen. Once you were labelled a ’57, (Political undesirable under the Soviet penal code), it was game over. Still, back to the Museum. Now, the Museum is designed to show also the growth and progression of the Nazi party and the crimes perpetrated by them and it was pretty interesting. The sad thing though, was that the main Nazi Party Gauleiter for Koln was never indicted or convicted for his crimes, despite being Gauleiter from 1937 to 1945. In fact, he died of natural causes in 1990 – how sad.

There were many interesting monuments to those brutalised by the Nazi’s. The Jews obviously, of which all 27,000 Jews in pre-war Koln were removed and destroyed. Sad also was the Nazi system of sterilisation and eugenics, whereby thousands of Gympsies, Romas etc, were systematically sterilised as they were racially undesirable, as well as disabled, hard of hearing and those with poor sight. Very sad.

The latter part of the exhibition was given over to wartime Koln, another city bombed flat as part of Bomber Harris’s campaign of intimidation.

Most moving for me was the description of a typical marriage between a soldier and a Koln woman. Often, the marriages were carried out with neither the bride nor groom being in each others company. Because the Nazi approval of racial integration certificate took forever to be awarded, often the couple had missed their chance for marrying, so the services were carried out with the Soldier, who would be at the Front, swearing his oaths to a Nazi Party official and the bride doing the same here in Koln. The tale finished by making the observation that many newly married couples never even got to consummate their marriage as the Soldier would have perished on the Front – especially the Eastern Front – or the Woman would’ve died under one of the many incessant bombing campaigns carried out by the Allies.

The final note of interest to catch my eye was the sign erected by the Amis after they liberated and occupied Koln. Says it all as a reminder I think.

Red Alert 2!

The long road home - Cologne.

2007-09-07T22:38:00.000+10:00

Germany here we come!!

The trip over via Dubai was fine although I’d made a stuff up which will be a good travel tip for anyone wanting to listen! I’d pre-booked my flight with Emirates and had signed up for their frequent flyer card – clever too as ya can fill out yr preference for meals – which I thought was a winner and was obviously feeling fruity! The trip over takes about 20 hours n includes 4 meals n guess what… ALL of mine were fruit! FCUKING hell, I was hanging for something warm by Germany (luckily they have all those wurst n schnitzels!) but the worst thing has probably been the runs I reckon…! Too graphic? Shan’t mention ‘The Accident’ then! But I shan’t be doing that again, unless I can change the preference during the stopover! The good thing though I reckon was not feeling dehydrated – loadsa water in fruit, so will definitely consider it again though! But it was like facking Groundhog Day – bloody fruit… Mr Kirk? Fruit? I was desperately trying to swop with this old guy next to me but he was having NONE of it!

Ian n his first 'Alt'!

Getting to Dusseldorf airport was great - imagine my surprise when at the airport was not only Konrad, with whom I’m staying, but another friend Klaudia – the two used to date in Oz! So, hugs n cuddles all round! There’s something fucking magical about being met by people at an airport – makes ya feel loved! It seems that I brought the weather too as it was nice n sunny when we landed! Of course, our first priority was a ‘Dorfer’ beer. Apparently, Cologne n Dusseldorf have a kind of rivalry along the lines of Freo/Perth, except this goes back about 1400 years! Dusseldorf brews a bitter called ‘Alt’, which you just cannot get in Cologne so Klaudia, a ‘Dorfer’, wanted to get me converted! Lovely down by the river but I’m really missing the warmth of Perf! The top thing though is the quality of the German beer – fucking A! The brewing laws here in Germany are pretty strict (not allowed to put additives to preserve the beer etc), which means that a lot of the pub are their own micro-breweries, which I LOVE! All the beers are lovingly tended and are pretty nice too and of course, I responded in kind – I’m facking loving it!

Getting to Cologne though and Konrad had one more ace to pull! He’d booked me into a hotel – slap bang in the centre of Cologne, great views of the ‘dome’ (central cathedral) AND only 27 euro’s a night on ‘mates rates’! The only thing is, mein name ist…Herr Herbet Hackhausen! – Just call me Herb! Ha hah! Had a lot of fun signing that off at breakfast! And the breakkie chic that checks you in had a good long hard Gestapo-esque look as she couldn’t quite believe that with a German name like that, I didn’t really speak a word! I’m keeping Mum though!

The river here (Rhine) is pretty beautiful too – went for a run along there Wednesday morning – loads of people out and about – I was quite impressed! I have a confession – I see myself in years to come, little pup running along with me as I run along a river in a town or city somewhere – in time, maybe I’ll be pushing a pram n all – but then it passes and I think about the night out on the beers….!! Getting old – wooooo!

Had a lovely night out Wednesday with Konrad n Ko – met some of his work mates – my German is AWFUL but they were so cool, very polite, correcting me and laughing their HEADS off at my mistakes – they also gave me sentences to repeat which was no end of amusement for some of ‘em! I was shocked – ze Germans have a sense of humour! The beer waiter spent 4 years in UK – in my hometown AND supports my footy team – cool! So we clicked n got quite pished! Yay!

Just off to the Gestapo Museum – next post! See ya there!

Klaudia n Dorthe

Thursday was a winner evening as well, Klaudia came over n Timo popped out as well which was cool. Also met another lass, Dorthe, friend of Klaudia – very old school north German name for Dorothy apparently – Her nick name in Oz was ‘D-Whatever’ as people couldn’t pronounce her name! Typical facking ozzies! So, we partied hard and the girls also helped along my German education by teaching me some toasts for the beer. They’ll make no sense at all translated as they play on the word rhyme, but still cool though:

‘Nit Schwade – Lade!’
‘Hop Hop - ab in de Kopp’!’Zur mitte, Zur titte, zum boden, zum hoden, zum sack, Zack – Zack’!
‘Mann muss die feste feiern, wie sie fallen’!

Nit Schwade - Lade

Class – so we trotted these out and had a whale of a time around ‘Kleine Koln’. Yeah kids, I can recommend it!

2007-06-18T19:14:00.000+10:00

All good things come to an end and my trip around Oz is sadly no different!

Bless - some birfday cards for the Captain!!

I’ve had a wicked time – Australia is a beautiful and diverse country with many wonderful things to see and people to do! My initial trepidation at leaving ‘home comforts’ on the East coast receded to be replaced by guilt at being so indulgently lazy, to a better understanding of where I am in life and maybe also a bit more about who I am. A steadily growing self-confidence and belief that I am a good person and as the wounds of my torn relationships with various people in my life began to heal, I began to realise I was worthy of loving and could love back too and that this wasn’t actually a bad thing to feel or a bad place to be in! Some things come easily to people and while I could probably have described myself as always being ready to speak my mind and stepping in where angels feared to tread – I loved a Thatcher quote:

‘Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous. You get knocked down by traffic from both sides’

Like a bloke, but certainly like a dickhead, I thought this applied to life in general. It was starting to dawn on me as I unwound from the petty cares of life that the true measure of someone was being able to do this where it really mattered – with affairs of the heart and soul and that a truly brave and admirable person was someone who could put aside their own fears and insecurities and embrace that thought by putting themselves out there for someone or something else for love. I’ve been privileged to see it in many cases and examples – parents with their kids, animals and their offspring and closer to home, examples of this drawn from my own, male, friends. As I had more time to reflect, I realised the examples of how and what I aspire to have been around me all along, in friends, lovers, siblings, parents – my own and my friends but the old saying goes: He is truly blind who cannot see what is under his nose!

Things like when Tanguy first told me about his then unborn daughter and why (and how) he’d made the decision to take responsibility for his actions. Paulo, when he described to me how he felt about his now wife. James and his love for someone that he nurtured and kept alive for years and is now in a place I for one never thought he would be. Paul and his family in South Africa, Neil when he was travelling in order to fulfil a ‘dream’ when in reality his dream was on the other side of the World and as soon as he realised this he went straight back to her and is now ‘living the dream’. There are others, but I like those ones – ripped from right in front of me and my own life – bless! All around, guys are living and behaving just like I want to myself and if I’m asked what have I gained most from my travels – that’d be it I reckon. It certainly wouldn’t be the beer would it? I mean, Fostralia…?!

View from the bridge - sunset from our balcony!

I'm staying in Perth at the moment – I’ve got a job on a Project based in WA – should take me through to 2011 – nicely! In the meantime, what can I say…

I’m shopping for a sofa bed so as soon as I’ve got one, get over here and find out for yourself!!

Captians Blog - over n out.... for now!

Back to Perf

2007-04-11T16:48:00.000+10:00

End of January and the start of the rest of da life!

A dogs life - the beach work-out!

Geordie Bay - Wye Aye Man!

The main thing I remember Rottnest for is that it was the last holiday of mine before some serious work looking for a job, getting the visa and all that stuff...

Oh yeah....I was helping Dave with his gardening!

Everything comes to those who wait apparently, or if you’re more like me, the early bird catches the worm and I had only 6 weeks to find a job. Weird thing is, I was always quietly confident of getting something and so it turned out – a role with WorleyParsons on the Pluto LNG Project.

The Boys @ BDO: Nickos, some twat, Davo, Corn n Jade!!

The interviews and medicals done and dusted, the main thing was getting a hoose and visa and …..getting to a Big Day Out – down with Gav n Nick, Dave, Corn Dog, Jade n the crew – a day of live music – LOVED Butterfly effect and Tool and ended the night listening to ‘Crystal Method’ in the Dance tent! As Davo would say – ‘Killer’!!

Sydney post-Glyn

2007-04-11T16:29:00.000+10:00

11th January onwards!

Things rolled on pretty quickly after getting back – Neil n Troods were cool as in letting me stay at theirs. I didn’t plan on hanging around for as long this time so I think we were all cool! Excitingly, most people were around, including the Duanester who was leaving Oz end January to go to Blighty n Cheggit out!

David's last day - sniff!

First though, I had my German mates to catch up with – first one out being David. He was on his way back to Deutschland and University – good on ya mate! We hooked up for a coffee n a chat before his bus left and one of his other mates had rocked up too, they’d been travelling together up the East Coast I think. Anyway, they’d made a brilliant collage of pictures about their trip and it was cool to look through and see the fun and funny times they’d had – gave me a few ideas as well! Chatting to Dave, I think he was ready to go home and he was going via Bali as well, so the money I’d given him in Darwin could finally be put to use!!

BBQ on the Beach with Konrad n Co.!!

Konrad also had a few things ganning on – not least a birthday – wahey! It was so funny listening to him complain about his age – ‘Ohhhh, I feel so old….’ I think he’s 24 – or is it 25 now?! Try 33 son! Anyway, t’was a good day – with us meeting some of Konrads mates on the beach between Bondi n Coogee – lovely area actually and despite the fact that the weather was a bit miserable, we still managed to get a party going with a BBQ n a few beers – shopping together in Coles was hilarious!

Duane was Neil n Troods Best man at their wedding last year which was when I had the pleasure of meeting him – a dry sense of humour and a sharp wit – he’s gonna fit right in over in Blighty! Anyway, he had a birthday coming up and so we were all out on the pop – funnily enough going to a ‘Gaucho Grill’ that had just opened up in Sydders here! Situated just underneath the Sydney Harbour Bridge, on the other side from Luna Park! It was fitting, I thought, to have one of my last meals in Sydney on my year out in the same area that I had my first on my first ever trip tp Oz in 2003!! I’m not a big believer in co-incidence but there was a nice symmetry in it all!! That said, you can find a pattern in anything if you look hard enough – just ask the Commies during the Lenin/Stalin era purges!!

Now, as y’all now, Neil n Troods don’t drink and neither do I, so it was a very understated affair to be honest, I still don’t know how I got so hammered!! The food was good, but the place was sadly very small so you couldn’t really relax and kick back – that said, it was a great excuse for a drink up so who cared?! We had fun! The whole rigmarole with the key was the funniest thing as we were all taking turns to borrow the key from the Waitress – the toilet being underneath the Restaurant – actually, this pissed me off more than the lack of space but hardly a reason for putting a stop on the night! The only downer was that it was a school night and everyone (except me ;-0)) had to go work – sniff! Happy birthday Duane!

Ian’s leaving do….

Wahey – my second leaving do in Sydney – waytago! The class thing about this was that most peeps weer able to meet me for a beer, including Ben n Bianca and our crowd favourite, Johnny Knox!!
Also cool was the fact that Fred could make it as well – so finally meeting all my great Fostralian mates – awww yeah! It was a pretty goddamn boozy night and I was well impressed with Konrad who managed to last a few beers as well – waytago!

Johnny Knox n Benno - heh heh!

It got a bit messy towards the end, as these things invariably do and while I was sad that this would be a last drinky-poo’s with everyone for a while, it was lovely to have so many turf up for a few sherbs! Cheers all!

Apart from coping with the hangover, the other activities were to sell Harriet, which I managed to do, meeting a lovely Irish couple who were heading up the east coast to Cairns.

I also squeezed in a job interview with Caltex at their Refinery in Botany bay, but although the role was tanfastic, I just didn’t want to stay in Sydney – I felt that WA was where it was going to be for me, which is weird I guess for all you Sydney-siders to understand, but I think I’ve finally gotten too old and have started hankering for the quiet(er) life!! Who’d’ve fort it?! I think I could do Brissy, but failing that, Perf is cool!!

All good things come to an end and the 17th January saw me off back to Perth – goodbye Sydney and all who sail in her – catch ya soon.

Sydney with Glyn

2007-02-28T11:20:00.000+10:00

I think Glyn had enjoyed his road trip in Harriet, I certainly had. The final leg, to Sydney, was now in sight and despite a couple of hiccups from Harriet (fucking bitch was starting to play up), we mooched up to Sydney, by way of some friends of his family, to the hotel in Hyde Park.

What a blessing – decent hotel room, sheets, bed – I was looking forward to the best night’s sleep in, well, literally a year!! The highlight was definitely the complimentary drinks we were entitled to on the 24th floor – often, Glyn, myself and a Yank accountant were the only ones who turned up. I think the Maitre’D danced at the other end of the ballroom and America was just weird, but I enjoyed our freebies, talking shite and generally staying well past the alloted 7.30pm cut off for free drink – nice one lads!!

We were staying in the 4 seasons too, but although the views were spectacular, it wasn’t a patch on the Marriot. That said, pulling up in Harriet was totally worth it: The look on the door nazi’s face when we rocked up – passing the guy my keys was classic!! I popped down to see her next day and she was looking at home next to a Maserati!! I just wish my facking camera worked!

It was kinda cool being back in Sydney, especially as I’d loved being here last year, but one of the main things was how BUSY it is! Now, when I came from the Smoke, I thought it was actually really quiet and quaint, but since then I’ve been all round Fostralia (mate, awww yeah) and gotten used to being ‘out back’ and so Sydney is actually a busy, impatient place! There were three things that stick in my mind about arriving – the first one was how people behind the van, at traffic lights, would get straight onto the horn if I wasn’t pulling away the nano-second after green came on. I sussed this pretty early on and then spent the next 2 weeks annoying punters behind me by pulling up in the junction, putting the hazards on and then making a big show of checking the rear of the van:

‘…What the fuck are you doing ya galah…’
‘You were pressing yr horn mate, what’s the problem, you noticed something wrong with the van…?’
‘It’s to get a move on you idiot…’
‘…Really, you need to learn to fucking drive then you dick, a horn is to provide a warning for other motorists, not a rebuke, fucking cocksucker….’

Actually, this was only one interaction, the others were less confrontational but you get the drift – on one occasion I also managed to time it just right that I pulled away as the lights went and the guy went through the red and got camered! Wanker!! Or maybe I am for doing it, but I dunno, Sydney is in one hell of a hurry!

The second thing was catching the train – now, growing up in the Smoke, I’m used to overcrowding but it’s amazing what you forget – and forget I did – for example; the sensation of having someone’s armpit in my face was awful – I really felt claustrophobic and wanted to get off the train a number of times – I was amazed at my reaction - then again, amazing what you get used to and I've just spent 9 months in a LOT of space!

The third and final was the drinking and how the pub bouncers took the ‘responsible drinking’ thing to the next level of ‘face control’, inevitable when most of them are on steroids I guess and consquently have penis issues, but it can really put the boot into your night out.

Cool huh? That's Europe. In Oz! There's 20 million peeps in Oz. AND 60 million in the UK alone.

In fact, the boozer we were in where this is on the wall is a prime example – the bouncer had said to me after I went outside for a smoke that I wouldn’t be allowed back in, as I’ve had too much - I asked what he was basing this on and he said he'd been watching my consumption and I'd had four! FOUR schooners. I said as much to which he replied, how much is enough and that to him, four was enough! I laughed, finished my ciggy and snuck back in when he was dealing with someone else, but my point stands – it really fucks yr night up! Meeting up with Konrad provided some fun as it was a bet as to who out of was gonna get carded – in the event, we all got turned over at one point or another on one or another of the nights out we had!! You just gotta laugh and take it on the chin.

On the whole? A great end to my trip around Oz and I was really chuffed to to it in style and end up in a couple of nice hotels – way to go Glyn – superstar!

Like all good things, there has to be an end and that was what it was. An end to my trip, an end to Harriet and an end to Glyn’s hols – but not without that last beer!!

Cheers Glyn!

Canberra and the War museum

2007-02-28T11:06:00.000+10:00

3rd January – 4th January

The main highlight of the trip to Canberra was the War Memorial – I’d heard a lot about it and in Glyn had someone whose interest in History, especially Military History, exceeded my own. Our first task on arriving was finding campsite and a push bike for Glyn – we decided we would be cycling down to the Memorial – why not, it wasn’t too far. Getting there for about 1pm, we figured a couple of hours and we could be out for a beer and dinner around 7-ish. I’m glad to say however that we lost track of time and found ourselves there at the close - Even 4 hours wasn't enough time and I wish we'd had more.
Looking down Anzac Parade, the Memorial is situated on a hill and quite dominates the Boulevard down to the lake. The memorials to each War Australia has been involved in is down here but first we were to see the museum itself.

An Australian and NZ soldier.

Cleverly set out, the Museum recreates, by way of Diorama, film, equipment and story, the story behind the idea of the Anzacs and documents the beginning of Australia’s realisation of itself as a Sovereign Country. I've always been aware just how young Australia is, but seeing the Militray beginnings of self-awareness is also very striking. It’s cleverly and movingly done and it is by far the best memorial I’ve ever been to. Naturally kicking off with WW1, the major feature is the failed Gallipoli landings. My knowledge of Gallipoli was pretty poor and restricted largely to Aussie propaganda – I thought it was an exclusively British planned, ANZac executed, Operation- where the only casualties were the Convicts n Kiwi's who were then massacred on the bridgehead at Gallipoli. In fact, 5 Countries took part in the battle and the casualties were horrendous:

NZ: 3000
Australia: 8000
France: 18000
Britain: 28000
Ottomans: 81000.

I was really knocked out by that but the class of this memorial shone through by presenting the facts of the entire Campaign, from ANZac cove through to the Dardennelles and representing all those who took part - including the Turks.

This excellent standard continued throughout the Memorial and I reached many points with a lump in my throat reading some of the stories.

The VC exhibition was incredible. To see so many young men cut down in their prime and to read for what actions they were awarded the VC, often posthumously, was very moving. We live our lives today because of some exceptional and singularly brave people. What touched me wasn’t that they fought for some craven Politician's ideology, freedom, 'Iraqi-style' democracy, or the spread of some mad Mufti's Islamic indoctrination, they often simply fought for their loved ones, their mates, their own survival. Reading the diaries was hard work and I doubt I would ever be able to give the ultimate sacrifice as these people had. I kid myself that I believe our Leaders are too full of shit for me to follow them, but actually, I'm too scared.

I found this particular picture very sad and moving. The Japs had taken this guy and his unit prisoner after the fall of Burma and this was a picture of his execution. The Jap soldiers in the background can all be seen laughing and joking as the guy is beheaded. I took a lot of satisfaction in reading that this Jap unit was one of those that defended the Island of Okinawa, which the Yanks took prior to bombing the mainland. Of the 20,000 Jap troops who were on Okinawa, only 200 survived. It was this fanaticism that helped persuade Truman that 'Little Boy' and 'Fat Man' needed to be dropped – with all the consequences for the World today. I know war is brutal, but when you read about the forced death marches, the comfort women, the general brutality towards PoW’s, you realise that here were a race of indoctrinated people as bad as the National Socialists and Communists of the European Theatre. They then got nuked - A dirty, savage war it was.

Sadly, time ran out and we had to leave, but not before being able to see the commemorative wall, where each Australian Serviceman/Woman are named. The Poppies are put there by visitors and is a lovely touch. I didn’t know, but at close, it is a tradition for a traditional song to be played for the dead, so that they know their life on Earth is finished and remembered and they can go on to their place of rest.

Today, a lone Scottish Piper was to play a lament and I can say that the tears flowed quite freely as he played. It seemed to sum up in music all that is futile and sad about our warring nature. I thought of a Latin saying I’d once read:

‘Timidi Mater Non Flet’

It seems to sum up the Human attitude to war!

I didn’t want to leave, but we had to and we went down Anzac Parade to see the Memorials. Again, excellent and very tasteful, one even remembering the contribution of the Australian nursing arm as well. Amazingly, there was space for three more memorials at the end – pragmatic and yet reassuring – there wasn’t a hint of arrogance about it though and I rode off thinking about how difficult it would be to make a similar display in the UK.

I can say with my hand on my heart that this was a highlight of my trip – well worth seeing if here and it should be an essential for any Convict in understanding their history – Bravo Australia.

Road trippin' with Glyn

2007-02-28T10:19:00.000+10:00

2nd January – 5th January

So all good things come to an end and after dropping B off at the airport, I was over to Benno’s gaff to pick Glyn up n say ‘Tara’ to everyone. First though, had to pick up the laptop but sadly it wasn’t ready, despite my waiting the morning and part of the afternoon for them to get the part – fucking typical!

Comfy as hell!!

Nevermind though, Glyn n I were soon on our way – he’s a top lad, but Babett’s better looking!! The first night was pretty easy – we arrived at a Campsite near the great lakes entrance about 9pm and luckily the lass was still up and about and we could get a site. Glyn n I rustled up a quick bite to eat and repaired to a couple of sherbets and a good waffle – I have to admit that I’ve missed having a good yarn to my mates. As there was only room for one in ‘Harriet’, I’d kindly offered it to Glyn – that said though, I hadn’t crashed out under the stars for a while and was looking forward to it. My main concern shoulda been that I might lose an ear or my nose to ‘Bunyip’ sometime during the night as we were staying near a river, but luckily I’d discovered this was a ‘bonza’ convict ‘furfy’ told to unsuspecting ‘Pommie’ ‘drongos’ when I was in Perf. Apparently it’s all ‘Strine mate, awwwwwwwwwww yeah’, but anyway, I slept like an ‘ankle biter’!

We did aim for an early start the next day but time just seems to run away from you sometimes and we were heading up the road about 10 am. I’m sure that Glyn’ll blame me, as I needed to have a wash and not just an ‘English wash’ either, although fuck knows why we’re referred to as being dirty, but there you go! Actually, I’d been reading an aussie slang book, which I was given by my colleagues at Fluor before leaving for ‘Fostralia’. I’ll make sure that I put a post up with as much Strine in it as possible! See if it gets anyone ‘ropable’! Fill, I know you’d love it!

Anyway, todays treat was to go to Glenwrowan, or more simply ‘Neds Country’. I dunno if you know the story of Ned Kelly, but it’s a great one and I think sums up Aussie mentality in that a massive folk hero is a convicted horse thief and murderer. Having been here a year though and seen what crooked, lying fuckers the Govmints have been and indeed are, I think he’s kinda my hero too. Before ‘Nedders’ though, we had to get there via the Snowy Mountains and the Kosciuszko National Park.

According to the blurb:

‘…the park contains the highest mountains in Australia, the famous Snowy River and all NSW ski fields. Its many and varied attractions include walks through alpine herbfields; spectacular caves and limestone gorges; scenic drives; and historic huts and homesteads. One of the Australian Alps national parks, this park is nationally and internationally recognised as a UNESCO Biosphere Reserve. It contains six wilderness areas, and its alpine and sub-alpine areas contain plant species found nowhere else in the world. The park is also home to the rare mountain pygmy possum and corroboree frog….’

It was also where Australia’s, and arguably the World’s, biggest peacetime serial killer stalked his prey. Anyone seen ‘Wolf Creek’? Based on a guy called Ivan Milat, who didn’t like backpackers much apparently. Anyway, the area is beautiful, it really is. It’s also very lonely and it’s not hard to imagine just 20 metres from the side of the road, someone was brutally hacked to death and buried in a shallow grave. Fucking backpackers right?! In fact, we drove through Berrima, which is the town near where the mutilated remains one of the birds Ivan whacked was found – lovely quaint little place but obviously very ‘Little Britain’!

But I digress, Glenwrowan – what a place – this town has about 20 buildings, 18 of which are devoted to Ned’s legend. Ned (Edward) Kelly grew up as a sometime thief and graduated to bigger and better stuff after an ‘apprentiship’ under arguable Fostralia’s best Bushranger, Harry Power. Lots of great stuff as to why he turned, but basically, corruption in the Five-Oh, Govmint and the fact that the loacls were getting royally fucked over with regard to owning land, meant it was only a matter of time before people fell foul of the law. Ned was a big hitter when it came to doing naughty stuff – personally I like his balls, if you’re gonna break the law, do it in style, so his gang used to hold up whole towns and do ALL the banks for example – legendary. Best thing of all though, was the shootout that finished his freedom – everything was so small and tiny – the boys were blasting away at the Polis from less than 20 metres I reckon. According to the legend, not one Rozzer died in the shootout, which is designed to make you think that Ned and the gang were nice and didn’t shoot to kill. In reality, they’d been on the turps all day and probably couldn’t hit a barn door at 5 paces. Sadly, with an irony only a Country supporting the Death Penalty can contain, Ned was nursed back to health from his wounds, ‘only to be hanged by the neck until dead’ at Melbourne Gaol, where I’d seen his deathmask.

The story is identical to one I’d read where a ‘Slim’ in I-Ran had nearly been shot to death by his neighbour, for being balls deep in Neighbours wifey. I dunno if Neighbour had run out of bullets or was also blind drunk and couldn’t hit a barn door either, but again, the Adulterer was nursed back to health only to die from being stoned to death. At least Australia isn’t still that backwards! I hope the shag was worth it – maybe that’s why they cover their birds up, they’re so fucking gorgeous, a man would risk being stoned to death just to drop some DNA down a girl!

Warp speed didn't work - but seriously we did get 140!! Downhill!

Canberra here we come – an enlightened state is the ACT – I was looking forward to getting laid by a Hoe whilst enjoying a joint and a coffee, but that would have to wait until the next day as we didn’t have enough time to make the jump in the remaining daylight – no wucking furries mate!

Melbourne - Cricket, New Year and all the gubbins!

2007-02-28T10:11:00.000+10:00

24th December – 2nd January

So here we were – Melbourne – I was expecting big things of this place, after all, it is Australia’s No 1 city for Culture, pubbing, clubbing, bars, theatre and all that good stuff and we were so excited we decided to arrive early from Geelong! That wasn’t hard as Geelong has very little to recommend itself!

Parked up in the Crown Casino car park between a BMW M5 and Audi TT – heh heh. Old Harriet was going up in the world! The biggest treat in this place though was actually getting into the toilets! Luxury!

We then mooched into the city centre and got quite lost, but not before finding quite a few nice shops to peruse for crimbo – god I wish I was working again! The weather was on the turn though – I’d heard Melly could get quite cold and the old bugger was living up to form with a cold drizzle, intermittently getting heavy!!

The campsite was nice though – a lovely outdoor pool but by the time we got there I wasn’t ever expecting to use it – you could barely see your hands in front of your face!! B n I spent the rest of the afternoon shopping for goodies and supplies before heading down to the local boozer for a Crimbo nightcap – to our surprise the place was completely dead – we trebled the number of patrons in there. There were a couple of cadavers over in the pokies area who occasionally evidenced some life by twitching now and then and dropping their drinks with a loud crash but it was cold and pretty uninspiring. Not even a limp effort on my part at Pool with B managed to dampen my spirits though! It’s Crimbo!

Xmas day

Winner – in bed all day pretty much – the weather was fantastic and well worth the trip to the beach we’d planned…!! The only thing of interest was the fact that I managed to break my computer screen by sitting on it! BASTARD! I’d just bought Rome:Total War as well so was proper gutted! The great excuse now though to lapse on the blog huh?!
;-0)

Boxing Day test

Before the day started though, we had some drama’s – Glyn had suffered a broken windscreen on the runway at Singapore and hadn’t arrived as yet. When we caught up, it turned out he was in Adelaide – what a shame – we’d left there 3 days ago – at this time it looked like the whole day was in the balance as Glyn had the tix but he kindly offered me to go – if he arrived, we’d sort ourselves out.
Those of ya who haven’t been, the MCG is an amazing place – holds near 100,000 people and quite dominates the skyline as you get nearer. Anyway, on my way in, I texted Simon Mathews, hadn’t caught up with him since Justin’s wedding in Prague all them there years ago – bizarrely, he was sitting in the same stand as I was! Once there, I find out that in fact, he’s sitting 2 rows behind me – small world huh?! But what about this then…. Look closely at this picture – I thought I’d take a photo of Simon and his lass and who’s that there behind them….? Stu n Karen Rolt – now THAT, is a fucking coincidence!!

Needless to say, the cricket was lost, we were pretty awful, although Pieterson and Bell did quite well. Australia were up for it again though and did really well – the fuckers!!

Glyn made it too and it was great to catch up – he was looking well and very English in his get up – but why wouldn’t ya?!

The rest of the hols!!

Today was a good one as well cos I was catching up with Neil – sadly Trudi was joining the following evening but the Peelster had come down with Lisa. Although we hadn’t arranged a hook up, I figured we might as Glyn n Ben were down as well and it turned out that way! It was cool meeting everyone again – everyone looked shattered but that musta been from the ‘de rigueur’ partying at the end of the year ;-0). Lisa and I managed a chat which was nice but sadly it was a bit strained – I guess that our not making an effort to stay in touch didn’t help, but Benno was completely unfazed though and picked up where he left off in Sith Ifrika at Paul n Miche’s wedding – I think he came through with an A+ - good shooting Tex! And no, Ben didn’t even need his party trick to do it!! Great seeing the Peelster again though – can’t wait to get to Sydders and catch up with the gang.

Run up to NYE was cool. The tourist sights, such as the malbourne Gaol and the very weird science of Phrenology through to catching up with Simon and Sully, who I’d again met in Prague for J-boy’s wedding. Sully was married himself now and had a sprog on the way – bless! In fact wifey was due to drop any time soon, so poor Sully was only able to kick back and enjoy the mid-strengths!! Being a Kiwi, I suspect that’s all he could handle – but I gave him the benefit of the doubt!

NYE was groovy. I personally favored the quieter option of a few sherbs and kicking back somewhere so the option of joining Benno and Glyn in a park with friends was the perfect solution.

Benno had the option of getting up to Sydney for a party that was on there, but he had said he didn’t think it’s be much cop and had given it the side step – sometimes, you can just be too partied out!! Then again, it’s the age old argument – Melly…. Sydders…. Melly…. Sydders!!

The sad part of the holiday came all too soon though and I’d be off to Sydney via ACT and other interesting places with Glyn – a road trip I was really looking forward to.

Road tripping to Melbourne

2007-02-28T09:50:00.000+10:00

16th December – 24th December – The big push East!

16/17 – Kalgoorlie

I’d planned an early night on the Friday cos we’d be doing quite a bit of driving on Saturday, getting to Kalgoorlie that night, we hoped.

The drive was pretty uneventful, except that it was as hot as hell on the drive over – the temperature seemed to go up a degree for every 10km we travelled inland. The weirdest thing though is how big, prosperous and well supplied Kalgoorlie is because it’s in the middle of nowhere! Where isn’t in Oz though huh?! For 5 hours we drove through the usual nothing that characterises the Aussie outback and then *pif-paf-poof* - here’s a facking great big town!!

The highlight of our stay here has to be at the caravan park, where some Aussie chavs had broken down and were camping in the short-term section of the campsite while they ‘got’ the money to fix the car!! The couple were early to mid twenties, with the lass 7-8 months preggers, smoking and drinking and the lad looking barely old enough to watch a MA15+ film on his own! The star of the show was the little boy (I assume that the chic at least was a biological parent) who was the nosiest and cheekiest kid I think I’ve ever come across! We’d hardly rolled to a stop before he bounded over and asked if we had anything we didn’t want that we could ‘give him’! I can only imagine if this lad grows into a strapping 6-footer how intimidating this would be but judging by Mum’s smoking habits, he’d reached the height he was ever gonna attain! Not content with a kindly ‘fuck off’, he started sticking his head into the van, seeing what there was! I was a bit alarmed, as I was sure he’d be light-fingered as well, but in the end he set his heart on a traffic bollard I’d nicked from some unmanned roadworks in case of breakdown – brilliant – kids love those simple things that all the toys in the world can’t be! Still, gotta admire the scamp’s cheek! Luckily we were leaving next morning before he stripped the van of something essential like wheels and what not, but not before he’d had a final stab at relieving us of something we ‘didn’t want’! In the end, we gave him some raisins, which I insisted on giving only if he swapped something for it – I was expecting the bollard but in the end, he gave us a rubber snake – bless! The nicest thing though, was the hug that he gave me when we said goodbye and left. I couldn’t resist the urge to check that my wallet was still there, which it was, but he warmed my heart bless him!

17/18 – Madurah motel

Another one of those pesky early starts was marred by the fact that all the local service stations had run out of ice – an essential when you’re travelling in the desert! Not to be deterred though, we pushed on – this was the start of the Nullarbor by the way and we were very excited. If we’d taken the trouble to read the Lonely Planet before embarking, we could have saved the energy – ‘Nullabor’ means…. ‘Without trees’…. So you have yet another featureless flat expanse of fuck all stretching interminably into the distance. Please refer to my first photo for examples of how we dealt with the excitement. In fact, the most exciting thing we did this day was a runner without paying from the campsite we stayed at! I was expecting to get ‘lifted’ at every service station along the Nullarbor between there and Adelaide!! I mean, its not like you could go in many directions is it? Dickhead! In fact, I still feel guilty!

18/19 – Ceduna

Nearly into SA and boy were we hopeful of something exciting! The border didn’t let us down either – We ditched our fresh fruit and vegetables following the advice that we could be fined up to $2000AUD, only to find that the checkpoint at the SA/WA border only confiscates fruit n veg coming INTO WA – WANKERS!!

On the plus side, there was this pretty nifty sign showing distances! I took a quick look at the odometer at this point and cleverly calculated that with the distance around Oz I’d driven in Harriet, I’d be halfway back to London, assuming I’d left London in the car and driven to this point, before turning round and going back. Cool huh?! Yeah, I thought so too, but it’s something to say about a picture!!

19/20 – Shithole north of Adelaide

There’s so little in this area that this is the only thing I found remotely exciting –

Welcome to Iron Knob – SA.

Even the shithole campsite we stayed in was crap – the woman running it warned us of King Browns everywhere, so I promptly jumped out and had a good luck around the area, including the walkways into the mangrove swamp nearby. What did I find…..? No prizes for guessing….! We left the next day for Adelaide – which is a pretty nice city – very hot though – in fact, SA is all very hot, I was quite shocked at the lack of green about and the state of the livestock had to be seen to be believed – I saw the skinniest cattle and sheep I’ve ever seen and considering how thick the sheep coats are, I took that to mean that the Oz farming industry was in a lot of trouble.

Anyway, Adelaide was nice – I bought a few cards for everyone and sent a couple of posty cards off, before we hitched the wagon and headed south to the coast – in particular to Victor Harbour, which we’d read did great fish!

20/21 – Victor Harbour

We found a lovely Big-4 campsite here on the beach and there was indeed a lovely little restaurant overlooking the bay. The breeze was a more than welcome respite from the heat but sadly, we were unable to get a table at the restaurant – I was more than snaky as it was a Wednesday night, but there you go!

21/22 – Mount Gambier

This place has a wicked natural bore hole of the most brilliant blue water – it’s thought that it was an old volcano caldera that’s filled up over the years but whatever, it’s beautiful. Sadly, my photo’s of it corrupted, but let me assure you, it’s nice. The bummer was that it rained heavily while we were here – a taste of things to come.

22/23 – Great Ocean Road near Campbelltown!

Paul, I wanted the picture of Campbelltown just for you but it didn’t have any town signs – unlike Iron Knob – hehe heh! The GOR is lovely and if you go nowhere else in Victoria, I recommend that you go here. The biggest pain, apart from Jap tourists, were the incessant flies – worst in Oz imho.

Still, the things you can see here are very cool – and I loved this road sign! I guess Australia thinks of everything –

it’s the only country in the world that, realising how thick its drivers are, provides signage for them reminding them how to drive! I’d’ve thought that they’d just make the test more challenging, but you never know!

23/24 – Geelong

The final stop before Melbourne! Wahey, nearly there…. 3500 klickeroonies in 6 days - waytago!

Perf

2007-02-25T16:12:00.000+10:00

23rd-3rd December - Perth

Civilisation – wahey! It’s almost weird being in a city after the experience of the outback. I’d rung Dave and Nick saying we’d be in town as we’d all arranged to hook up for a beer or two. Dave was a star though and me to stay while we sorted ourselves out – winner. We didn’t think we’d be staying long as we would be heading up to Gingin to do some seasonal/rural work, but we still needed to arrange that. The lads had organized poker anyway, Texas hold-em.

All in all, we had a busy week – off to meet Katie’s folks, Ann n Bernie, down in Munster – having been e-mailing Ann for about a year on and off after getting in touch about engineering opportunities. It was lovely to meet them at last and they’d also offered for me to stay the night and I’m glad I did cos it was the comfiest nights sleep I can remember – great bed!!

The G-g's...

After a quick jaunt up to Gingin to arrange work, we got ready for some horse racing – Ascot. Dave n Nick were off down there with a gang and invited us down – wicked.
In the end, we stayed about 10 days, the work in Gingin coming through for us – I was off chicken farming; Initially just for 2 weeks, as we were driving off to Melbourne for crimbo/New Year – catching up with Glyn, Neil, Troods – woo hoo. Actually, it was about this time I got an e-mail from Leece, saying she was gonna be down in Melbourne with Neil n Troods and wanted to make sure that her and I would be OK, which I thought was nice, considering we hadn’t been in touch for 8-odd months.
Is it a bird...?!

Finished off with a trip to Freo and walked into a carnival there - closing the week's fun. I liked Freo, have to say, nice atmosphere and we spent a lovely afternoon walking around the centre, before discovering the Little Creatures brewery - heh heh!!

The road to Perth

2007-02-24T17:54:00.000+10:00

I knew I had it here somewhere - the former church made out of the shells's from shell beach... now a restaurant - these Aussies are Pagans!

21st-22nd November – Kalbarri

Those of you who’ve seen ‘Wolf Creek’ might recognise the name of the Town, Kalbarri, where the guy who survived ‘Mick’, wound up after crossing the Great Sandy and Gibson deserts…. (Which incidentally cover an area half the size of WA, but I digress…).

On the turn off to Kalbarri, we saw a guy hitchhiking and after a brief conflab, I thought we’d spread some love and picked him up. Nice guy, Austrian, just off to Kalbarri as we were.

Kirky's failsafe fishing technique!!

There’s loads to do here if you’re into nature parks, fishing and diving…and have your own boats and equipment, so we found the local boozer and sunk a few sundowners. In fact, we enjoyed ourselves so much we did a pubcrawl of the whole town. This was only two pubs, but shush, I won’t tell if you don’t! This place is Hicksville though – a guy I was chatting to at the bar while ordering some drinks had only been to Perth twice – lucky lad!!

22nd-23rd November – Geraldton

A major town North of Perth, I’d heard of this place from Neil n Troods, who’d thought about buying here and it’s a nice town – pretty big, all mod cons and some wicked cave diving here but there were no dives on for a couple of days and we wanted to get on to Perth, bless!

Monkey Mia

2007-02-18T22:17:00.000+10:00

19th November - 21st November

The drive to Denham is pretty straight forward but the bonus is passing through Hamelin Pools, where a colony of ancient Stromatolites still live. Those of ya who’ve read Bill Bryson will know about these but basically, these are reckoned to be the oldest organisms on earth (1900 million years old – wowser!) – they thrive in heavily salted areas and the sea here forms a shallow lagoon, from which the water evaporates and thus the saline content of the remaining water increases – which the Stromy’s love! These thingummyjigs work by converting CO2 into oxygen, which we all need – the air did smell fresher here, I swear it. At times, you can see the Stroms bubblin away happily like a car battery in its death throes, but alas we didn’t see anything of the sort! Still, you think I'm old...!

A bit further up the peninsular and we passed through a big electric fence, which marks the boundary of Project Eden and the start of the Francis Peron NP. Apparently, the feral foxes, cats and Australians were decimating these area’s cuddly ground animals and so, together with baiting and trapping, the feral nasties have been reduced to such an extent that the cuddly ground animals are now thriving North of the fence – bless!

We chilled at Denham for a night - which was a bit much cos there's FA to do in Denham, although it is a cute sorta place. The highlight of this area is Monkey Mia, near the National Park, where there is a dolphin sanctuary and where you can interact with the dolphins. If you’re REALLY lucky, you can feed ‘em! I really got the impression that the dolphins were checking us out as much as we were them, as they’d swim up and down the line, rolling over now and then to see more clearly. Like everything though, it was really busy, but worth it, as they're pretty cool creatures - one of them had a baby calf in tow too and apparently another one was preggers - exciting stuff in the Dolphin world.

Really looks it huh - BRIGHT LIGHT, BRIGHT LIGHT!

Shell Beach was also pretty cool, the entire beach is covered in the shells of tiny crustaceans. The main problem here is just make sure you don’t lose yr sunnies!! It’s sooo bright! The cool thing? The entire beach is made up of these shells - tonnes and tonnes of 'em. When the settlers were first here, they quarried a lot of the shells and used them as brick material - there's only an old church, now a restaurant, left, but they look pretty cool. Wonder if they smell of fish?!

Coral Bay

2007-02-08T15:14:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 14^th November

So here we were… leaving Exmouth after another lovely night camping up near to Turquoise Bay – our next stop was Coral Bay, a bit further down the peninsular. If we’d had a 4WD, we’d’ve headed south across Yardie Creek, a creek that empties into the sea but which you can cross at low tide – a car a day apparently it claims and without a mate in a 4WD and a winch, I just didn’t fancy it!! When I get settled, this’ll be where I’m coming first on the holidays!

The drive was pretty boring but the highlight once at Coral Bay was that we’d be able to dive and also snorkel with Manta Rays.

Wednesday 15^th November – Saturday 18^th November

We organised the dives and snorkel for Friday / Saturday. Babett decided due to funds that she’d just do the Manta Ray snorkel, which included a dive as well. On the Friday, I joined a dive group to the inner Ningaloo Reef. The dive was fun, but sadly due to bad weather, which was a misnomer as the bad was just a large swell, but there were some inexperienced divers with us and so we couldn’t get out to the outer reef. Disappointing because the outer reef is in deeper water and is where ‘you may be lucky enough to see some of natures largest pelagics in their native environment…’ Considering this included the feared Tiger Shark, I was pretty pissed! All in all though, the diving was better at Exmouth and so were the boozers, which is a bit misleading cos Exmouth had very little going for it boozer-wise.

Snorkelling with Manta’s was top drawer, within 10 minutes of being there, a manta was spotted and we jumped in. It was funny, in hindsight, seeing as we were thrashing away madly to keep up with these things while they glided gracefully through the water. Often, the ray would turn 180º and swim back underneath us all and there would ensue a crazed ‘free-for-all’ as we jockeyed for position – I had my mask knocked off twice by some flailing Germans! but managed to get some awesome shots of the Ray as it turned around. After the third trip, I was pretty knackered, but so were many others, so the final snorkel with the Ray was pretty enjoyable as there were only a few of us left with the beans to swim the last time.

The dive was OK – the coral here is very different to that on the East coast and even further up the coast in that it’s all hard coral – like a small forest, so you didn’t want to drop into it! The highlight was probably the pregnant Reef sharks that we saw, which one of the divers nearly swam into – I didn’t realise how big it was until I saw it was nearly as long as him!! Bless!

The other highlight was the Campsite ferals who turned out to be Oirish – they exceeded even my expectation of liking a drink and at our campsite, were more pissed than anyone I’ve ever seen!! One guy had passed out at the wheel of his van and either knocked the handbrake off or had somehow started the car and it was moving on ‘tickover’ as it slowly advanced towards and hit a tree – collecting half a tent along the way. Another night, a lass had passed out on the camp kitchen table in the compromising position often pictured in papers when there are the stories of the ‘demon drink’. At the time, I didn’t know they were Irish, until the van, now recovered from it’s loving embrace with the tree, was leaving early one more morning and of the 6 people in the car, I recognised the lad and lass, who were swigging from a bottle of spirits and shouting with glee! It was then I clocked that they were our cousins from across the sea! Class! It’s what the travelling is all about!

Exmouth

2007-01-19T09:25:00.000+10:00

Thursday 2nd/Friday 3rd November 2006

Passing through the ToC on the 'other side'!!

I think after Sydney, the 3 weeks we’d spent in Karratha were the longest I’ve spent in any one place – so it was kinda weird to be trundling down the road again – kinda weird but actually amazing to back on the road! Night was falling fast so we really couldn’t get too far, but a rough and ready roadhouse, Fortesque, was about 150 klicks down the road and it was to here that we mooched for an overnighter, thinking we’d be able to get an early start to Exmouth. I have to say that I reckon I was dreaming thinking we’d drive here in a day before we broke down as it’s a long way! Where isn’t in this country though?!

The main attraction here is the diving and snorkelling – there’s a place called Turquoise Bay which is just the most beautiful spot to both camp and swim and the diving here is done on the local reef, Ningaloo, which I’d heard a lot about.

Saturday 4th-Monday 6th November

The National Park is wonderful here, leading down to Coral Bay, although sadly you need 4WD to actually drive it as south of a river crossing – but we could still get around most of the park in Harriet, which is what we did!

Turquoise Bay - Beeeeewtifool!!

Turquoise Bay is better than the propaganda describes, with crystal clear water and an amazing amount of fishy’s – even in the shallows. Our first dives were pretty cool, seeing Lion fish, gropers and a few wrasse. We tried snorkelling in a couple of places at dusk too, in the hope of seeing some Sharks but we were out of luck this time!

Tuesday was a good day, as the Melbourne Cup was on so Nick, Dave and I mooched down to the local boozer where we had a flutter on the race. I lost everything – bugger, but the wimmin were nicely done up, it was great to see!! Even here in Hicksville, the chix like to stick on the hat and make a day out of it!

The remainder!!

The only thing for me during the week after the boys had left for Coral Bay was to try and catch up my Blog so most days found me down the library desperately trying to get the blog up-to-date! Those regular readers of ya will know that I failed – miserably!!

Bless - a little reef shark!!

This reef beats the hell out of the GBR – where the GBR is dead, white and has no fish, this reef is teeming with life – everywhere you turn. I also saw my first seasnake – which seemed to keep following us throughout the dive! There was also octopus, which you rarely see, let alone in day time…

Bye bye Karratha

2007-01-18T09:19:00.000+10:00

The gang: L-R: Bill, Viv, Tigger, Kent, YT.

Last but not least, we needed to say farewell to our saviours, Bill, Viv and Kent and the hounds, Moe and Tigger! A BBQ was arranged (Bill does the best Sausages we’ve EVER tasted – I did ask for some 'destructions' but at the crucial moment, Kent distracted me and the secret may well have gone forever!!) and off we tootled for a feed and a few beers - well, more than a few, but what's new there!

Viv with Tigger - the sexy underwear was for poor tigger being on heat!

I'd always enjoyed our chats over the BBQ - a great Aussie tradition and hearing about the camping and fishing trips they've done just made me more excited about staying here in Oz.

Writing the 'We woz 'ere'...

As I think I’ve mentioned before, Bill and Family have taken in many waifs and strays over their years and they have an old wooden table which they ask people to engrave after their visit. A cool and personal touch we thought and so we also defaced their table with some ravings! They've had loads of people staying, as evidenced by the table - lots of Germins too, funnily enough!

An earlyish night we had, but I was wrecked enough the next day to have a delayed start! After 3 weeks, we were finally on the road…!

Insecty

2007-01-17T18:32:00.000+10:00

I ended up with 2 weeks work for the furniture removals and not bad money at 25 buckaroonies an hour.

There’s something wholesome about manual labour that really lets you appreciate a beer at the end of a hard days graft. I always have enjoyed this sort of job too, as it’s amazing what people collect and what you see in their houses!!

We were unloading one ladies gear and she had some quite large potted plants which the truck driver, Malcolm, had rolled up to the edge of the trailer to be taken down into the house. I wrapped my arm around the plant pot and picked it up, as Malc shouted:

‘Watch out for the re…,’

Then just stamped on my arm – bastard! It turns out there was a redback he’d just killed. I don’t care what anyone says, those are pretty big spiders and they’re UGLY! He made me feel much better when he told me

‘They don’t kill you when they bite, they just make you sick…’

‘For weeks…’

‘And you get necrosis of the skin….! ‘

Only in Australia!

Bill Bryson had it right when he mused in his book, ‘Why is it that the poisonous insects and reptiles in Oz are lethal enough to kill a Bull Elephant when all they eat are insects and rodents respectively. It’s a bit of overkill…’

I really agree with him!

Luckily though, nothing happened to yours truly, until I was moving out a work bench from some bloke’s garage. After the last experience, I had a good root through the webs, cleaning them out and what not. Malc and I had just lifted the bench when I felt something crawl slowly onto and then across my hand. It was all I could do to not drop the table, so after gingerly putting it down and turning over my hand – there we were – another fucking redback on the back of my hand. It got flicked off and killed in quick order and it was only then I broke out in a sweat and started shaking – started shitting myself actually because I was expecting to feel the bite it’d inflicted which I was convinced it had because of my sweating and shaking! After about 5 cigarettes off the belt and loads of piss taking from the crew, I felt calm enough to get back to it! It’s amazing though how you imagine all sorts of things crawling all over you and the rest of that day was an uncomfortable misery! I can look back now and laugh, but I really hate spiders – as Phil would say – ‘With a passion you can only dream of..!’ Still, that’s been my closest scrape with death in Australia thus far!! Apart from having to watch Aussie TV, which induces death by boredom, but that’s another story…

Fishy

2007-01-17T18:14:00.000+10:00

After a coupla weeks, I’d saved enough cash to fix Harriet and we could plan our next trip and leave this place before I died from insectal exposure!!

Gonzo and Ian in the 'tinny'

We also pulled up on a beach for a while – I tried my luck fishing in the ‘slick’ caused by the gutted and washed fish but no joy there either. Maybe it’s not for me!

Karratha

2007-01-17T16:00:00.000+10:00

Wednesday 11th October – 1st November 2006

Daybreak always puts a new perspective onto things and so with a new resolve, we headed into town with Viv, to look for work and digs – although Bill and Viv had explained that Karratha was pretty much a full town, with all the digs full and what not. It was a facking scorcher though and I was told ‘Strewth mate, that’s nothing!!’.

Since leaving the place, I’ve been sent a pdf copy of a cracking read called ‘Diary of a Pom’, which is written in the first person as if a lad had moved to Karratha and had kept a diary. It’s a cracking read, extremely funny and actually to the point, which makes me think it wasn’t written by an Australian ;-0) One of the extracts sums up how hot and how strange this place can be!!

“Ive lived in karratha, when i first stepped off the bus in May it was 35 degrees and as i drove to where i was staying i passed the local pool where there was a sign saying "pool closed for winter"”

The rest of it is good, but read as a whole, I’ll have to find it and e-mail it to y’all, but until then, thanks to Viv and Adrian!

As luck would have it though, I found the local Backpackers with not only room, but a shared double. Ange, a cracking Kiwi lass, was sorting the digs out for us and the Backpacker phone rang – it was a local Agency wondering if she had any guys who were available for a Monday start to do furniture removals! She took 2 minutes to ask me and there I was, digs and a job within 15 minutes of looking – someone was smiling on me! A trip into town also secured a job as waiter and bar person and at least the money angle was sorted. I ended up doing nearly two 60-hour weeks, but all a means to an end! It’s amazing when you read that unemployment in Oz is at 4% - until I realised that they’ll have the same lazy, white trash skivers that we have in blighty – but at least there’s always work out there – the trouble is that it’s just that – work. Stil, ya can’t have everything!

Getting back that night, Bill had done a star turn and squeezed Harriet into his garage, so everything was cool as – 2-3 weeks to sort out. Bill and the family looked a bit disappointed we were moving on Friday, especially as they’d offered up their spare room for us to stay while Harriet was getting fixed. For me though, despite the real generosity of their offer, they’d only just moved into their house, not spending even a weekend their on their own yet and whilst I was comfortable with a few days, I felt a few weeks was a big ask. It goes to show though how beautiful and generous the Aussies are and in fact, my experience since then with our brethren here has convinced me that Bill and Viv would have been more than happy to put Babett and I up for the time needed. How can I explain that I’m from a city where people don’t care? Where people would rather a guy get stabbed to death on a bus and not interfere, or even help the guy after his assailant had gone? Where I had not gone to the aid of a young child in distress who’d lost his parents for fear of being labelled a predator because I’m a bloke and had to hang around neither leaving nor acting positively until a woman came over and took charge?! That said, it’s why I’m travelling I guess and meeting people like that really warms the cockles of your heart as Mam likes to say!

Ross - one half of a couple of cool doods from the UK

The backpackers was a weird and wonderful place, our first night there being Friday night and we got stuck in straight away to a few beers and a game or two of something that involved lots of drinking. That night we met some cool people, our two roomies, Kev and Jess and also a lad, Damo, from London who’d been travelling a while – he and I clicked pretty much straight off, which was cool and it was class connecting with a lad from ‘back home’.

The next night was our first working at the Karratha International – the local hotel where most people seemed to rock up for beers – the bar being called Ghecko’s. After being started on the bottling up, I just took it on myself to collect glasses and clean the tables etc. The duty manager that night was a young lass of 18 – how weird to have her telling me what to do, especially as she and the other female staff members would stand around and point and tell me what needed doing!! That first night, met another lad working behind the bar, Nick and we clicked pretty much straight away. Nick is yr archetypal ‘Sandgroper’ – friendly, chatty and everyone was ‘a good Oke’, which always got me thinking ‘From small acorns…’. It was very weird being in a bar and seeing how people are when they’re smashed – I remember thinking quite clearly

‘Shit, am I that much of a wanker when I’m drunk’,

But I guess so! It turned out that this weekend, the mines had their shift change so a lot of lads where rotating out on their leave, via the boozer of course!! It’s amazing how money can change people – one of the girls behind the bar, Ann, was either day dreaming or remembering something and so had a glazed and I guess somewhat wistful expression on her face. A guy got her attention and said she should cheer up, it’s not that bad and if she was sad about working in the bar, she should do what he does as he earns x amount of whatever – I couldn’t quite believe it, but strangely enough, Ann just couldn’t seem to hear or see him again that night to serve him a drink! It took that twat about an hour to realise the game, as he was getting more and more irate, shouting and leaning over the bar trying to grab her arm at one point until the bouncers had to have a quiet word, using the door post to ram home the point as they helped the guy outside. So, a strange place indeed! After closing, it got even better, as an aboriginal lad had fallen asleep out the bar back door, which is the route we needed to take to get to the bins with the empty bottle bags. Nick and I had been gingerly stepping over the guy, after making sure he was still breathing, but the bar manageress just grabbed a bag and carried it over the guy so that he was soaked in the leaking booze from the bag – poor lad, what a waste of booze no doubt. The Police were called and I thought were very understanding and professional, gently waking the guy up and asking him where he lived to go home. The guy was disoriented though, or shitfaced or just plain dumb because he started to get lairy, with the inevitable arrest. I thought the coppers were very efficient too, one helping the guy up while the other demonstrated some pretty nifty moves with his night stick. They finished up but spraying his face with a can – I guess like the fresh water spray for refreshing yourself on a flight, but some must have gone up his nose because the poor lad was coughing a bit. The poor guy was in a bit of a state because as they were putting him in the car, he somehow slipped and caught his head quite nastily on the door jamb - despite the copper holding his head, but these things happen when you’re drunk I guess. At least the lad gets a free breakfast and nights sleep anyway.

A few beers had by all!

So endeth the first weekend in Karratha – what a place! Monday I start my furniture removals job and sadly, on Sunday, the Hostel owner invited me on a fishing trip he was running, but I had to work – sniff!

Finding Karratha...

2007-01-17T15:20:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 10th October

Our next planned stop was Exmouth, where the scuba diving is supposed to be fantastic. The drive was about 1000Km, which we figured we’d box off in a couple of days as there’s not a lot to do between Broome and Exmouth. The first stop was at Eighty Mile Beach which, as the name suggests, is an awfully long beach!! I squeezed in a quick run and was back in time for another wicked sunset – ironically, the ‘staircase’ here was even better than at Broome! We also had a laugh trying to out-handstand each other, which I think I won!! ;-0) The fishing here is supposed to be awesome and I would’ve loved to try another night.
When we got to Port Hedland, I think we both wish we’d driven straight past as this place is CRAP – don’t come here either. Mind you, it was bloody hot – 41 degree’s again at the Tourist Info shop. Either the thermometers sold at the local are pre-set to 41 or it was facking hot. All I know is that when I stepped out of the van, I noticed my hands were wet. Looking down, sweat beads were forming on my fingers – I’d say that was hot!!

Wednesday 11th October

I’d like to say that we left Port Hedland with a heavy heart, but it’d be a lie. For the first time, I noticed that Harriet’s radiator needed topping off – not by a lot, but this was the first time since I had Harriet, which rang some alarm bells, but despite a good check over, I couldn’t see a leak and put it down to the heat causing the radiator cap to relieve, it’d been a scorcher. I also noticed Harriet wasn’t pulling under power as well as she had done in the past which was a concern but it was here that the fact of the temperature gauge not working was to haunt me!

Poor Harriet on the side of the road having left her insides over the preceeding kilometre!!

I’d just overtaken a lorry when the van started pulling up, losing power quickly. Pulling over and opening the bonnet, there was radiator fluid everywhere! In cooling down, the radiator was empty and a good look showed that the bottom hose had burst – nightmare. The engine smell wasn’t good either and after letting the engine cool down, I tried patching the hose and refilling. Alas, the hose had split along its length and there was no way of patching it, however temporarily, so an RAC tow was needed! We’d broken down just 10Km from the nearest town but there was no phone signal – bummer!! So there we were, standing on the side of the road, thumbs out…. Which worked as a lass stopped in her Ute. Sadly, there was room only for one and I was the only member of the NRMA so off I went. I was expecting to be only about an hour or so. It was great to sit in an air-conditioned car that accelerated straight up to 140Kmph effortlessly! I nearly passed out with the luxury of it all!

After eventually finding a phone at the BP garage, I was told the breakdown assistance would be 3 hours.

Sniff - Does it hurt?! Oh yes.

Our tow turned up about 5PM and the lad, Bill, was very cool. After finding out we had nowhere to stay and seeing the state poor Harriet was in (and having a good laugh!), he invited us back to crash at his place, where he lived with his wife and son – how cool! They’d just moved up from Perth and had only moved into their house the previous week and Bill told us he’d put other travellers up as well, so we decided ‘why not’ and mooched back. Viv, Bill’s wife, was a lovely lass and Kent, the son, was a newbie Painter/decorator and a rum lad to boot, so we grabbed a slab and some barbie food and kicked back watching the sunset. Bill and I had a good look at the van and he confirmed my worst fears – I’d warped the cylinder head! Even more trouble was that all the garages were booked out solidly with work and we were looking at a few weeks stay – Oh my god! I had a bad nights sleep that night, with worry!! Bill, bless him, loved it and was on hand to make me feel so much better with his advice about how long these sorts of repairs take and what not! I was feeling a miserable failure as a male at that point!

Broom....Broome

2006-12-12T22:03:00.000+10:00

Thursday 5th October – Monday 9th October

A weekend in Broome – I thought we might spend quite a while here at Broome, having heard how beautiful it was, but it was sadly start of the close season, so was somewhat subdued. That said, we weren’t able to get into the backpackers, which was a shame, as it looked pretty cool, but with it being 40 degree’s, we just wanted some shade.

There’s a small Chinatown part here, which is part of the old pearling industry that kicked Broome off all them years ago. There was also a wicked outdoors cinema that we had to try – seeing Jindabyne there. We wanted to see 10 Canoes as well, an aboriginal comedy, but didn’t get time – the trilers looked funny as and if anyone’s seen it, let me know if it’s worth it. I might just see it anyway!

Friday night was a wicked night at the local Irish pub, where 3 lads were covering a number of choones. The music was that good, we decided to stay – or maybe it was that the pints and pots were half price – but either way, we didn’t get very far. Going outside was a chore, given the humidity – I have never enjoyed a cold beer and air-con blowing on my neck so much in my life – these aussie twats are onto something with their gay middy’s and pots – not wanting the beer to warm up.

Something that Broome is famous for is the ‘staircase to the moon’, which is a phenomenon that occurs only a few times a year – this was the last viewing apparently this year. The rising moon over the tidal flats at low tide gives the appearance of a staircase, hence the name. We got there about 10 minutes before ‘moonrise only to discover that a cloud was in the way – don’t you just hate that?! What I hated even more was the amount of people there to see it – low season my arse!! Why can’t they just fuck off, I wondered, but of course, they’re all travelling as well, so I’m just as guilty. Anyway, it was pretty ordinary and I wanted more beer so we wrapped up and got ready to ‘do’ Broome in the way of a mini-pubcrawl. I wondered if I’d feel out of place, as I did when traversing the East coast alone and while I did at first, the feeling of being instantly noticeable wore off with the beer. I can recommend Satsu’s to anyone trying a few different sherbs, as the chocolate ale they sell there is very nice, although pricy at 6 bucks for a poofter’s middy!! The Mangrove Hotel is also worth a squirt, especially if you can catch sunset here – the views are pretty cool!!

Must have been 'Kirk-esque'!

Highlight of the weekend for me though was the trip out to see the 400 million years old dino prints at the headland. Just south of cable beach, there are some rock formations where the prints of some bi-pedal meat eater mooched around looking for something more appetising than a 6 buck chocolate middy can be seen at low tide. The inevitable Nip’s were out in force, but European ingenuity won out in finding the prints ‘first’ by my enthusiastically jumping about near some dead baby box jellyfish (hidden from the Nips of course). As they headed over, we detoured via the low tide mark and found the prints. I noted with some amusement that they tried ignoring our exclamations and fingers the second time – once bitten, twice shy I guess;

...but the sight of me doing dino impressions in the footprints brought them scurrying over! I spent the next 10 minutes trying to lurk in the background of the Jap’s shots pulling faces and poses.

Simple things huh?! Great sunset though!

Kununurra to Broome

2006-12-10T19:15:00.000+10:00

Monday 2nd October – Thursday 5th October

Twister...!

So after our most excellent adventure, we left for Broome after a brief R&R at Kununurra – we were whacked! Leaving early Tuesday, the first thing that overtook us on the road were more Whirlie whirlies! The scene looked like the one from ‘The Day after Tomorrow’, where the 4 or 5 twisters were touching down in the film. Obviously, these weren’t as big, or powerful and I didn’t feel like Bill Hicks as we tried to chase one, but eventually we got our wish and managed to drive through one. This particular sucker was that vicious, it contained a coke can, which I thought was rather cool! These things are weird, springing seemingly anywhere and disappearing just as quickly. Seeing as I was now a ‘Veteran’, these were just fun and the other main highlight was taking down a roadtrain – waytago Cap’n! That said, I was still slightly traumatised by this little thing on the river even though it was so tiny, I’ve a new healthy respect for Mother Nature!

Our first port of call was Hall’s Creek which we were a little apprehensive about. Firstly, it’s near Wolfe Creek and secondly, 2 girls in Darwin were telling us about their trip via Hall’s Creek where they were camping. They owned a Ford Falcon and after spending a night on the beer, at the campsite, with some fellow travellers, retired to a booze-induced kip. The following morning, they packed up and started the car, but there was no response. One of the guys they were boozing with the night before was a Mechanic, so popped the hood to find…. No engine! Apparently, someone had driven in, put a frame over the engine, disconnected it and lifted it out – all without detection. I was pretty incredulous as they would’ve had to winch it out and even a hand ratchet would make a lot of noise! That said, I’d seen the girls out drinking in Darwin, so maybe they did sleep through it, but aside from the Aboriginals getting drunk and caterwauling all night it wasn’t so bad!

Luckily the night passed without peril and we mooched off the next morning stopping at Wolfe Creek the next day…..

But sadly lads and ladies, the road to Wolfe Creek is 4WD only and Harriet sadly wasn’t up to it! BUT, I’ll do it one day! We tried the Wolfe Creek turnoff but alas it was too rough and I grounded out Harriet a couple of times – with serious repercussions as it transpired!! Still, we made it to Broome with no real issues.

I just LOVED this sign - look how close everything is... And these are ALL the towns on this road, not 'merely' the larger ones!!

Kakadu

2006-11-28T15:49:00.000+10:00

Sunday 24th September

The trip into Kakadu was hard work with the heat – I think this was also partly to blame for me losing my temper big time when we ran out of fuel just 15km from a petrol station!! I ended up chucking a few things around in a fit – which pissed me off further because I hadn’t lost my temper like that for a long time AND I broke my bike – fucking typical!

The bonus was the Magnetic Termite mounds though - for some reason, the termites build their nests along the N/S magnetic lines of the Earth. No-one knows why, but it's pretty cool huh?!

The top thing about tonight was the sunset we were hoping to catch at Ubirr. There are a number of rock formations overlooking the wetlands to the West and it’s the site of some quite famous Aboriginal rock art. I can’t say I was over-enamoured by the art, as it didn’t seem that striking and a lot of it seemed to have been rubbed away. The view from the rocky outcrop was worth the climb though and I fell asleep on the warm rock as sun set, waking up after 20 minutes just in time to catch the Sunset! Coolio. We were all pretty shattered after getting to the Campsite, which was nice but absolutely crawling with mozzies – I was bitten to death just setting the van up! Still, at least Harriet has nets that you can put up; the two girls didn’t have anything and had to suffer the heat of the warm nights. That’s actually the killer here – how humid the nights are – it’s truly wretched. How I long for the fan – it makes life so much more bearable!

Monday 25th September

Thaaaasands of 'em!!

Nourlangie was the main point to stop today but we decided to detour to a place called Gulbarr which had a 3km each way walk to a little pool area which you could have a dip in. The heat, again, was up for the challenge and I have never felt like melting so much in my life! I took 3 litres of water to the pool and it was all drunk by the time we got back to the van – the water hole was lovely, sheltered in a little shady glen but with the pool itself largely in the sunlight. There were some Freshwater crocodile signs but nothing in the pool, which was clear as a glass of water, so I felt safe jumping in. On the way there, we passed a couple of people who’d also been in but one of the girls with her hubby was walking with no hat, bag or water. Her hubby didn’t have any either – she must’ve been suffering – poor girl. Its one thing to read the warning signs but quite another to experience the heat.
Nourlangie was the most impressive site I’ve seen in Oz to date w.r.t the Aboriginal art. There are a number of sites, but here the art is clear and you can make out many images very well. The best part of the rock art was a collection of drawings featuring a number of mythological figures, including the Lightning man – a great story which explains the build-up season and the terrific thunderstorms that occur. There was also a very clear drawing of Nulgabarr, another ancestor spirit, who committed ‘kinship incest’ with his ‘sister’. In order to get the point across, we were lucky to have the chance to listen to a Ranger who explained the Aboriginal kinship system. Briefly, the Aboriginals are given a kinship group depending on their Mother. This then means that anyone in that Kinship group are their Brothers and Sisters, even if not necessarily their blood kin. This then extends to ‘Mothers’, ‘Fathers’, Grandparents etc, so even Aboriginals who have not had kids are Mother and Father within their Kinship group. This grouping then dictates what other Kinship groups they can marry and interrelate with. After puberty, they aren’t allowed to foster close relationships with the opposite sex of their Kinship group, giving rise to the situation where they will not sometimes talk directly to, or look at these ‘forbidden people’. My first thought was how rude, but in fact it’s out of respect that they do this. So you can end up with a situation whereby a Kinship Brother and Sister are in the room with you, but they both talk to you to tell the other person something…. ‘Will you ell that Sister of mine that I’m off to the boozer for a short, sharp harp….’ Etc etc. This is because of the ‘incest’ committed by Nulgabarr! When you factor in that every plant, tree, animal and insect has a kinship group, you finally begin to see how the Aboriginals are tied to their land and how they learn their culture through these stories. Removing them, as we did when we first arrived, removed them from the only chance they ever had of identifying themselves and knowing who and what they are. Imagine that!! I am beginning to realise how completely differently Caucasians and Aboriginals think. On a positive note though, the effort made here in the NT to explain these things really is excellent and far outstrips anything I’ve seen so far in Oz – It’s fascinating though none-the-less.

The Lightening Man - Narmarrgon

We chowed down that night at a spot called Yellow River where again the sunset was supposed to be a winner. However, we all decided to drive up in Angie’s van and it broke down on the way! Bastard. So we didn’t get the chance – sniff!!

I have to say that at last I was seeing evidence of an advanced culture. Often the rock 'art' was circles, spots and stickmen but now you could appreciate how every part of Aboriginal life was represented via art to correspond to the weather, seasons, rites etc etc. Coupled with the didjeridoo, weaving, tools and what not on display in Darwin museums, you can see that the Aboriginals have a very distinguished culture. I wasn't a 'non-believer' at first but I was expecting more and here is a place to find it - wicked. Oh, and bring a 4WD next time!!

Litchfield National Park

2006-11-27T14:00:00.000+10:00

Friday 22nd September

We had planned on an early start today but beer and bonhomie got the better of us and it wasn’t until midday that we managed to get off. Poor old Silke and Angie, the two German lasses, had been up since 8-ish brimming with anticipation and had shopped, filled up with fuel and done all sorts of stuff and were STILL waiting for us – bless. I figured they’d better get used to it as I’m on hols and I ain’t no early riser! Not the getting up and outta bed early riser anyway! That said, we weren’t going too far – just to Litchfield National Park which was a short 90 klicks away. The drive itself was pretty uneventful but we were heading to two swimming areas – the Florence Falls and Buley’s Rock hole. They were beaut (mate), with us visiting Florence first and enjoying the swimming there. I piled straight in with Ang and Silke taking their time. In fairness to Silke, she’d only been in-country about 6 days and had heard about the Croc’s!! Finding this out was great as I explained that the crocs were ambush predators and usually ambushed their prey on the waters edge, which was where she was, naturally! The fact that there were also about 60 people in the waterhole also seemed to have passed her by but as I say, she was new to this!!

After a short dip, we strolled along a bush habitat trail to Buley’s Rock hole which was a mere 3 km away. I tell you now though, in the heat, that was punishing and it seemed more like 30 km than 3. We also were walking through a controlled burn area, where the Rangers deliberately set light to the bush grass to cause a slow burn through the area, which amazingly burns the grasses and small shrubs, blackens the odd tree trunk but doesn’t change into some godforsaken bush fire – very impressive. I’d been reading about how these slow burns (originated by the Aborigine’s) also allowed the animals and insects to get away – with the added bonus of the kites and hawks circling the fire zone and ambushing anything tasty that caught the eye. I’d seen the birds before when driving past bush fires in the Van but being right in it, I heard at one point, a lot of rustling and noise ahead of me on the path, which was crossing a dry creek and would you believe it, all manner of lizards, gecko’s, small furry animals, maybe Quoll’s and what not were making like a tree and leafing. Like the croc attacks though, it was over in seconds and I had no time to get the camera out but it was an amazing sight though.

Buley’s Rock hole was a welcome rest after the heat of the bush and the fire and we spent a good hour ‘bombing’ the surrounding people by jumping in the pool. I felt thoroughly refreshed on the way back, but 3k was again a killer in the heat and the fire had moved an amazing distance in that time and we were away from the danger zone. It had left plenty of wood about though which we pillaged for our bonfire later at Florence Fall’s.

Saturday 23rd September

Our mission today was simply to get to the end of the road at Litchfield to a place called Wangi falls. It was well worth the trip as the pool was massive, warm and beautifully located. There were also these cool little rock pools a couple of metres up the cliff which you could wallow in as well!

Angie had mentioned a flyer that she saw advertising a rodeo at a pub just North of the Park, in a place called Litchfield and we decided that this could be a great way to spend a Saturday night. The drive wasn’t too far and we arrived and booked into a site. What a relief to get a powered site again and have the fan running!

The rodeo was a part of a regular thing held at a number of places in the NT and they would be riding Brumbies as well as bulls – it promised to be a goodun! I nipped in to the boozer for a couple of snifters and we got chatting to two lads who after about 10 minutes had invited us fishing for the elusive ‘Barra’. I may well have taken them up on the idea as the costs I’d seen quoted in Darwin were up to $350 for half a day which wasn’t cricket – ‘fuel costs’ apparently. Unfortunately, we wanted to be away from the Top End pretty sharpish, but if I end up staying, I’ll do an ‘Arnie’ for sure.

The Rodeo was good fun, the lads are pretty brave and it’s no mean feat staying up on the animals, especially when they head straight for the fence and try and grind the rider into it! We got some spectacular video footage of one guy getting thrown – but no-one was hurt! Not even the kid who got plowed down by the horse after it threw him. That boy can take a tackle!! The show finished at 11pm and afterwards everyone had the option of kicking on until 2am. No-one in our group was up for it (except me of course!) so we ended up having an early(ish) night, although you wouldn’t have guessed as we woke up late and left about 10.30am!!

Darwinium - the return!

2006-11-22T12:45:00.000+10:00

Sunday 17th September

Arriving back in Darwin was a bit of a shock – it was hotter and more humid than Bali and I wasn’t feeling the ‘Georgie’ after next to no sleep and the delayed flight.

A couple of hours shut-eye was all I could grab due to the heat – Darwin was scorching hot - before I sallied forth in search of an air-conditioned Gloria Jeans!

I found out that Conrad and Romy had also arrived from the east coast and so we were all out for a few sherbets to catch up – waytago. In the event, I think we were all pretty dog-tired, although Cris and I had put the hard yards in with respect to the late nights and I was beginning to get my second wind but I erred on the side of caution and shit-canned it too!

The week itself was spent running around getting the van fixed – replacement sway bar bushes and new gearbox rear mount - which was perished. Fucking annoyingly, the gearbox mount they’d ordered was the wrong part and the proper part is 4-6 weeks ex-Japan. This was the main thing I needed doing too. Having tried a couple of breakers yards with no luck, the answer appears to be ordering it in Perth when I get there – I reckon I’ll be there a coupla months at least anyway.

Managed to get quite a bit of the blog done and also tried gamely to get rid of the Trojan virus I picked up in Bali but to no avail – grrr. Managed to download some wicked podcasts though – Trance generation with DJ Addison – class.

I had pencilled in Thursday or Friday for the departure to Litchfield and Kakadu and it appeared we had Company – 2 other German lasses in a less-than-reliable van were wanting to join in – why not huh?! The British have always persevered in the face of apparently insurmountable odds and I figured I might learn some more German!!

Needed that leak!!!

Bali

2006-11-22T12:19:00.000+10:00

Sunday 10th September

So after much chatting and debate, Cris had made it to Indonesia and had e-mailed me that he was in Bali from Friday 8th. All I needed to know. He’d e-mailed the hotel he was at, so job done, flight booked and Cris was already on the ground checking out the nightlife and hotspots. I had about 2 seconds thought for the 911 anniversary date but decided if I was going to get whacked by a tea towel terrorist, I might as well be doing something suitably satanic and bohemian – like sitting on a beach or, god forbid, listening to a live band in a bar!

The departure was rudely early, but at least there were no Heathrow-esque queues so check-in was fairly straightforward. I hadn’t paid much attention to the time difference but when the pilot announced a flight-time of 2 hours 15 minutes, I was mildly shocked. I’ve since found out that Darwin is closer to Jakarta than Sydney – go figure! The bonus was that I’d be arriving at 1030am local time – how cool!

On arriving, I had my suspicions that there’d be a rip off taxi affair to take me to Kuta Beach – O was expecting to arrive in Denpasar – which was 30 minutes by car from Kuta. – so when I was quoted 45,000 Indonesian beer tokens, I thought I was onto a winner. Imagine my surprise when 10 minutes later, I was rocking up at the hotel – I consoled myself with a Bintang and the thought that at 16000 to the pound, I was only down 3 quid! The hotel was a winner as well, they immediately offered me 20% discount on the rooms. Scenting blood, I ambitiously tried for 50%, but alas, like most of SE Asia, scratch the surface and you find that things aren’t what they seem. This ‘discount’ was the ploy for making an admittedly good deal sound even better but the grommets running the hotel couldn’t negotiate any more. Still, bargain, so in I checked. This experience, sadly, left me thinking that most, if not all, of the island was like this which nearly got me fingered heavily when I met ‘Steady’ and ‘Eddie’ of the ‘newly dropped box of surfwear t-shirts’ fame!

Cris was still in bed when I belled him at 11am and he took another hour to rock up – but hey, he’s on holiday and got in at 6am that morning – dirty stop-out! The hotel had a wireless internet set-up which was great value for money, until I discovered that I’d left my adaptor back in Darwin, which was priceless. Muppet. Anyway, let the holiday begin!

The majority of the week was beach, booze, clubs and broads, well, at least the broads could be looked at. I expected more of Thailand-style go-go bars and what not, but there was none of that, except a dodgy karaoke bar we discovered on Thursday! Cris did a wicked murder of ‘Sexual Healing’, a difficult song at the best of times but I guess Cris got carried away with the emotion of the night! The thing that really surprised me though was the number of times we were offered drugs – considering the penalty is death, this really surprised me. In fact, the various taxi drivers or lads looking shifty on the street corner were more concerned with our drug and whore intake than we were. None of it appealed though and we weaved our merry way through the bars and clubs of the area. The very weird one way system seemed designed to just take your money, as we never had a direct route to where we wanted to go – be it bar or home.

On our last night we discovered that the main drinking drag was where the bombs had gone off in 2002 and the Paddy’s bar we were at most nights was one of the targets. Luckily, no Jihadi decided to make a point so the evenings were very uneventful in that respect. Mind you, there were some wicked dance bars and we saw a great fire show at another bar. A darts game we played in one bar was possibly the most outlandish we’ve ever played, being a computerised plastic board with plastic darts. It was so bizarre, we had to play a few games (which I won, eh Cris?!) but a definite highlight was a bar with a live band called Crazy Horse who were fantastic. We found out later that the band had won the Indonesian version of ‘Pop Idol’, so they were either very good, or cheesily shite, depending on your point of view. We enjoyed in though, which says, well, I dunno, but something!

One restaurant that deserves mention was the 'Bubba Gump Shrimp Restauant' - I shit you not. What a scream that was. After selecting our meals, you turn over a plate that says 'run forrest run' and the waitress runs over screaming 'run forrest'. It's idiotic, but I loved it. Good shrimps too, although I thought the portions were a bit small!! Typical!

All good things come to an end though and after a week, I headed back to Darwin. Cris subsequently e-mailed a picture of his mail-order bride he met in a bar after I’d left. A dancer apparently. Umm huh, I see mate ;-0) Meanwhile, I was back to 35 degree heat and 90% humidity – only in Australia….!!

This, believe it or not, is the airports only smoking area. I had to laugh!!

D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d.....DARRRRRR-WINNNNN

2006-11-13T18:32:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 5th September - Sunday 10th September

Facking hell it’s hot!! Start of spring and we walk straight into 33 degree’s and the most uncomfortable, sticky night I’ve ever experienced. The caravan park hostess kindly gave us her best spot – no-one else seemed to want it, being as it was beside the bins, sewage trap and with nary a blade of grass for shade. I tell ya, I was becoming an expert at judging what trees would be best for shade at various times of the day and early the next morning, I arranged to move the van into a blessedly shady spot.

Darwin’s a pretty flat town, with a major airport smack in the middle and which is evidently open 24 hours a day and the drive in is punctuated by a number of what look now like car parking strips but which, during WWII, used to be makeshift airstrips. I reckon the longest was only 100m which shows how little run up planes of 60 years ago needed. At quite a few places there were plaques, memorials, little notices showing what had been built and why. Darwin was the major jumping off point from Oz into the Nip-occupied SE Asia. When I looked at the volume of men and materials moved through in 1943, for instance, you can see the Nips were in trouble. In one month towards the middle of 1943, nearly 500,000 tonnes of equipment passed through Darwin. 1 month. That’s a lot of Nip bashing. I assume that this was purely ground freight too. Tanks, guns, artillery, troop carriers etc etc. Darwin also has the dubious distinction of being Australia’s most heavily bombed town. Townsville and a couple of other places got whacked too, but Darwin was regularly swiped until the Green and Khaki tide rolled the Nips back.

Loads to look forward to here. Museums, aircraft hangers and what not, a history fans paradise, but that would all have to wait as I needed to get Harriet sorted out – she had perished sway bar bushes and needed a new gearbox mount, so needed to get into dry docks for sorting. The advantage was that I could thoroughly scope the centre and there’s a good load of boozers, all with great bands on as well as an air-conditioned ‘Gloria Jeans’. Bliss! After dropping Harriet off, I walked past a KBR office, which I presumed was where the guys were based for the Alice-Darwin railroad extension, completed last year. I was nearly tempted….! Yeah right.

Towards the end of the week, Christophe Lummy Pie got in touch from Indonesia and we arranged Bali for Sunday 10th September. I booked the trip on Friday and to my surprise, discovered that the flight was only 2 hours! Sydney’s 4 n 1/2. That’s fucked! I also found a backpackers, ‘Geckos’, who allowed you to crash in your van whilst using the facilities and at only 12 bucks a night. You do the math!

Thursday night, there is a delightful beach market held at Mindel Beach, where the locals hawk their wares and whatnot. We cruised down for a bite to eat and some wine on the beach front but it wasn’t quite what I expected! I had visions of al fresco dining on the beach on recliners with a small table between us watching sunset but in fact it was a ‘do it yourself’ with people bringing all their own goodies and chairs etc. Improvisation won the day though and we caught a delightful sunset.

The thing that sticks in my mind was an aboriginal guy, wearing shorts and with a bongo drum, banging it listlessly as he grinned inanely at passers-by, before getting up and sitting next to people, leering at them and banging his drum until they moved off and he moved onto his next group. I dunno, he might’ve been having fun. He might’ve just needed some love but I really resented what he was doing. He didn’t come our way, which was great, I’d’ve probably just walked off too, but I felt ashamed for hating him in that moment.

As we strolled through the market, I caught the back-end of a wonderful fire show being done by a group of lads. They’d attracted a pretty big crown and they were good too. The wine was kicking in now and I really slipped into a relaxed feeling watching their skill with fire balls, rope and what not. As they finished, a rock/punk sound, with heavy didjeridoo interspersed came through and drawn towards it, I found a group called EmDee performing.

They were awesome, creating some great sounds with the 4 didj’s on a frame, guitar, singer and drums. They also had attracted quite a crowd and to my pleasurable surprise, there were about a dozen aboriginal folk up front dancing their socks off without a care in the world. It was great to see and we found out later that their style of dancing is called ‘earth dancing’, a swaying, jumping motion which looks difficult but is very beautiful to watch. I’m not sure what happened though, but someone had definitely turned the heat up and I was slowly melting – 9pm by the sea! After about an hour, I buckled and had to make a dash for an air-conditioned taxi to take me to an air-conditioned bar where I could drink cold beer under an air-conditioning unit. I’ve worshipped beer in a variety of circumstances but that one I had is definitely up there!

Saturday, I hired a car (air-con, manual gears, 2 litres of injected power – what bliss!) and scooted around Darwin, taking in the local Nudist beach… my first ever experience and also took in the local croc farm, where, despite making a show of feeding the crocs and showing off their breeding couples, the farm really churns out handbags, shoes, belts and the like. I had a whale (or maybe a croc) of a time pointing out various babies that I reckoned would look good on my feet and my ironic questions of where I could get a matching elephant foot umbrella stand and Koala purse where met with blank eyes from the park staff and looks of hatred from the various middle-aged, foreign women visiting! The biggest cheer of the day was reserved for the news that the Nip’s pay the most money for croc fashion items! Up to $20000 for perfect hides. I’m in the wrong game, but you can start to understand how they do the Whales for ‘research’ and had no qualms about adorning their military offices with the rendered human remains of their victims during WWII. It’s all about the fashion item daaaahling! It pissed me off a bit after a while, a fashion farm masquerading as a conservation sanctuary ‘culling’ those few specimens now and then. Anyway, I’d just helped it by paying to go in, so I can’t talk!

The Termite attack!

2006-11-13T17:40:00.000+10:00

One of the things that I'd heard about NT and had noticed was the proliferation of termite mounds. It was amazing looking to your left and right whilst driving past and seeing various red mounds sticking up all over the place. Where the Forestry Commission has burnt the vegetation (to pre-empt bush fires) often all that remained within the blackened remains are these hardy red termite mounds. They in fact looked like little soldiers or sentries, marching off into the distance, hundreds, everywhere. However, the style of the mounds and their size started to change as we drew nearer to Darwin. Rather than appearing to be a blob, with a sticky-up bit in the middle, about 3-4 feet in height, these mounds grew taller and taller and took on shapes with towers, buttresses and fluted sections looking like a medieval or gothic castle until these too were marching off into the distance like big soldiers! An interesting fact I read was that of the weight of biomass in Oz (Biomass being (From Wikipedia):

In ecology, biomass refers to the cumulation of living matter. That is, it is the total living biological material in a given area or of a biological community or group. Biomass is measured by weight, or by dry weight, per given area (usually measured per square metre or square kilometre));

Ants and Termites account for nearly 50%. 50%... That's pretty amazing and when you see these mounds, you can begin to appreciate it. I killed a cockroach and left it where I'd crunched it, on the pavement. Next morning, I saw some ants by it and moved the body with my shoe and it had been completely husked - hollowed out. Amazing. Doesn't take long to become part of the food chain here! Anyway, some more amazing facts to follow....!

Wow, look at the size of that...!

King's Canyon

2006-11-09T17:47:00.000+10:00

Monday 28^th August

An early start saw us well on the way by 9am but it’s such a bloody long way! We didn’t arrive until midday and were in 2 minds about going to the gorge straight away. We did eventually mooch down there though and decided that we had time to do the walk around the gorge. What a beautiful place this is. The gorge was formed by a stream that over the millennia had worn away a route through the rock, which over time, cracked and fell into the gorge to create the route now, complete with ledges, lookouts and gorgeous rock pools. We were advised that the walk would take us 2½ hours which we thought we could do so we fairly bounded up the steep climb at the start. A good workout rewarded by some cracking views at the summit. There were lots of places to go to, lots of nooks and crannies and one thing that I found really amazing was the stress lines in the rock face opposite where I stood at the throat of the gorge.

The weight of unsupported rock had caused a rockfall in which the stresses along the fault had caused a rippling effect in the surviving face. To appreciate the forces involved is really something when you consider it’s visible to the naked eye from nearly 100m away. The heat, friction and shearing stresses were such that the rock became almost fluid, like a plastic, during the fall. The deformity is forever engraved on the stone following cooling. Imagine the noise of that deformation. Best thunder ever! The white bits are the bird poop where the Osprey and Falcons perch scoping for something tasty to pounce on.

Unfortunately we didn’t see anything like that but we did find this crazy looking lizard who obligingly performed for the camera in running around like a muppet – I love the feet on this guy though.

The rest of the walk was pretty uneventful although the rock pool, styled ‘Eden’ was very picturesque.

Back at base camp, we were just readying ourselves for dinner and debating whether to check out the boozer when a lady from the band came up and asked us if we’d be interested in checking out the entertainment that night. The deal of 2-4-1 pizza’s convinced us and we mooched down there with an open mind. Another bonus was 2 families we met who had travelled over from Brissy for a week checking the sights. They were on their way to Ayers and what not the next day whereas we were heading the other way but we were all mates for the evening. It might surprise you to learn that we got quite puddled and ended up having a good yarn. Interestingly, they asked me my thoughts on the ‘Abbo problem’ as they liked to term it and after clarifying some reference points, in that it’s all our problems, not just the ‘Abbo’s’, we had a real good chat. It seems to me that the generation of Aussies over 40 on the whole are anti-aboriginal. They disliked who and what the Aboriginals were when they were an unrepresented minority with no rights (Aboriginals weren’t even classed as Australian citizens and protected by law until the 50’s and 60’s!) Now that there are some attempts at mediation and reparation by state governments, these same people resent the ‘welfare culture’ that they see towards Aboriginals and are still very anti. I agreed with their point that a Welfare state doesn’t work and added my thoughts that both white and black Australians need to work harder to integrate, bearing in mind that the way we live as post industrial revolution Europeans, is completely different to the hunter-gatherer and nomadic existence of traditional aboriginal culture. I guess there’s no easy way, but my belief is that we, new immigrants, cannot ignore completely the old Aboriginal customs and way of life and should try to accommodate their culture where possible, but within the framework of the culture and legal system of the Australian majority. I’ve heard many times that the ‘Aborigine’s’ just want to be left as they were before whites came but this is as naïve as it is impractical. Similarly, just doling out cash without training and integrating the two societies is equally as short sighted. Sadly, I’d heard stories before of Aborigine elders castigating younger members of their tribes on gaining degrees and what not as becoming ‘like the white man’, which causes them to withdraw and it’s these people who are part of our bridge to each other. I don’t know how truthful it is but it sounds believable.

I even went as far as to say maybe we should consider teaching the local Aboriginal language to all kids at school, or providing it as an option for post-14 year olds although I’ve no idea how impractical it may be. The guys were quite dismissive, preferring to castigate all Aboriginals as lazy ‘ne’er do wells’, but their wives were actually forthcoming and quite open minded about the subject so the chat was good fun. I guess it is easy to ‘judge’ as an outsider but there’s a lot of denial going on with both sides and it’s quite sad. The fact is, the Aboriginals were conquered and displaced by a technologically more advanced race and there were many atrocities committed in that process. Both sides need to recognise where the status quo lies and work forward from there and if I’m honest, I think there’s a lot of willingness to do so, but like most things, it takes a couple of generations to get through to people. There’s a lot of white guilt at the moment, a lot of it justified as we were horrible, but that’s just what happened and needs to be acknowledged in order to move on. I hope we all get there!

Anyway, full of beer and bullshit, I tottered off to bed with the hope of a fairly early start the next morning as we were going to try an unsealed road to Alice, called the Meereenie Loop. Sadly though, it proved too much and the trip back to Alice was made via the longer road loop, where we landed about 5pm.

The Olga's (Kata Tjuta)

2006-10-26T22:32:00.000+10:00

Sunday 27th August

Mooching over to the Olga’s took longer than expected as it was nearly 40 klicks away. Once there though, we decided to try both the self-guided tours: The ‘Valley of the Winds’ and the ‘Garden route’, between two of the main monoliths comprising part of the Olga’s.

The ‘Valley of the Winds’ tour really was the highlight and was actually quite hard work, as we’d started the walk approaching midday – D’oh. Still, we struggled on and within 30 minutes I was fairly knackered! Luckily we’d brought plenty of water but even so, it was a fair slog up to the valley itself. There were a couple of overweight Yanks huffing and puffing up the slope too so I really couldn’t whinge even if I felt knackered as they were managing the climb! The Valley itself is beautiful as you climb up in the shadow of two of the Olga’s and at the summit, the wind is channelled up to meet you and there’s a fair wind blowing which was a godsend after the heat of the climb. After a brief respite, we plodded on and although it was still 4k back to the car park, I enjoyed the stroll as the hard work was behind us. The scenery is really striking here and I felt I got more from the Olga’s visually than I did from Ayers. Of course, they represent 2 different things in my head and I had no expectation of the Olga’s. Sunset was peaceful and picturesque. We had a cheeky little BBQ while we waited and enjoyed a couple of sundowners but there were no more magic revelations for me!! :-0(

We still hadn’t decided where we would be staying that night but after consideration, it was agreed we’d try and head down the road part way to Kings Canyon – stopping at a free campsite called Curtain Springs. In the event, this entailed a bit of a night drive from the Olga’s. I got the fright of my life when out of the dusk, a train of camels suddenly appeared by the roadside. These are big old buggers and it was a shock seeing one as roadkill on the verge of the road – that would’ve hurt, but I imagine it was hit by a truck. Luckily for us, with the exception of seeing a long eared fox, the drive passed off uneventfully and we docked at the campsite about 8pm. Another early night – wahey!

Ayers Rock (Uluru)

2006-10-26T21:12:00.000+10:00

Saturday 26th August

Harriet and I got an early start in the morning as there was still 500km to drive. It’s the weird thing about Oz – everything is usually between half and one days drive from everywhere else and it’s a pain! The Stuart Highway stretches down to the SA border and Adelaide 1500km away but our turn-off was about 150km south of Alice. Finally getting my wish for road-kill, we pass about 4 cows, 2 horses and even a camel. They’d’ve done some damage.

When we were nearly an hour from Ayers, we saw another rock, Mt. Conner, which looks similar to Ayers Rock at first, but while it’s an identical formation, it’s not as famous as its bigger brother! Exciting though this was, we pushed on as we were hoping to capture sunset if possible. There is a specially built village about 30kms from Ayers Rock called Yulara and consists of hotels, campsites, caravan park etc etc. All very organised - The Rock is big business.

In the event we got time to drive around the base of the rock and stop at a couple of points on the way before heading back to the sunset viewing area. The rock is very imposing – it’s everywhere you seem to look when you drive in. It’s in the corner of your eye, it’s ahead of you, it’s creeping out from behind some trees! Even when you look away you see someone’s t-shirt with a picture on it or something! Anyway; it’s there and it’s big. And it’s red. We stopped at the area where you are able to climb up to the summit. I was watching a few people ready themselves for the climb, including a young family. With the sunset now just 30 minutes away, I thought how cool it would be for them to see that from the Rock itself. It was only on reading the sign which warned you to plan for 2.5-3 hours that I realised this lot would be making the descent in darkness. Those of ya that know Oz know that sunset is like God dropping the sun over the horizon, flipping the switch that says ‘cricket and cicada noise’, and then pulls the plug on the lights. These poor guys would be climbing down a steep and sometimes slippery slope in the pitch black. Amateurs! I also went up and touched the Rock, lying on it to see how I felt. It was warm to the touch and rough, gritty. I hadn’t yet decided one way or another about climbing it on touching it I felt nothing at all. This is a very spiritual place for the Aborigines and I had hoped I might feel something here. Mum’s read all the books and while I’m more of an ‘I need to measure it, record it…’ type of person, I suppose I’m not completely dismissive of Mum’s mysticism. However, when it comes to my ‘spidy sense’, there’s zilch. My spiritual eye is as all seeing as a Witchetty Grub and all I was feeling was irritable!

After some shenanigans finding the ideal spot, we parked up. A few people had climbed onto the roofs of their cars and whatnot for a better view and I thought that was a sterling idea. After rocking out the wine, we climbed up onto the roof and got set. The area was perfectly situated – we were between the sun and the rock, so as the sun set, the rock in front of us was offset perfectly. It was about now that I spotted the inevitable person on their mobile phone, talking. I couldn’t believe it! Climbing down and retrieving mine from the van, I couldn’t believe getting a full signal. Well geared for tourism! Anyway, as most of ya know, I succumbed and became a tourist wanker as well; texting those of ya in my phone book before switching off and settling down to the show!

I’ve seen lots of sunsets now here in Oz and they’re often spectacular. It seems that here the sunset seems to work like a capacitor – storing charge for a few seconds then powering down. Gazing around the horizon from behind and around the Rock, I could see the black night sky on one horizon with the hues gradually working their way up through dark blues, violets and into the reds, oranges of the Rock, while directly behind us at the sunset horizon – the day seemed as bright as midday.

The Rock was darkening slightly as the darkness crept over us and across the land between us and the Rock. It was kind of weird watching the night crawl over everything as the sun slipped over the Horizon and as it crawled up and over the Rock, the Rock itself dropped through all manner of red and orange colours before slipping into the purples and blacks of night-time. It’s at times like this that you appreciate the meaning behind phrases describing night being ‘drawn like a veil’, or that the night is a velvet blanket. The colours here seem so clear and defined that it’s quite easy when trying to fix the images in your head. For me, I was very glad to be there with a glass of wine and also someone to share it with. I got slightly melancholic thinking about who I would like to share a first moment like this with. Dad (surprised me as I’ve not thought of the Old Man for a long time), Christina, Mum, Sis and Jayne, Leece, then I thought of how lucky I’ve been to at least have these people in my life and my mood really brightened as my surroundings darkened. Not even the Yank shouting at his mate on the phone ‘It’s a badass sunset man…’ could dampen my mood. It's lovely to think that whenevee I think of Ayer's Rock, I'll think of Wolf Blass and the lovely thoughts of friends and family.

Just as we were leaving, an aeroplane flew over – one of the tours I guess – poor things; they’d missed it by just 10 minutes. Quick things these sunsets!

It’s actually only now as I write this, recalling my feelings that I wonder if maybe that was the magic of the place I was looking for when I came here – in thinking of Dad and friends and feeling happy afterwards. Whatever, it was just nice to sit back and reflect and I was glad I’d made it there had a glass of wine.

Devil's Marbles and Alice...

2006-10-12T18:59:00.000+10:00

Thursday 24^th August

The campsite here is one of those excellent affairs that abound in Oz in that it’s a bush camp, with chemical toilets, tables, bonfire gratings and all for the princely sum of about 6 bucks on average. Best of all though is the fact that you place the money into an envelope and put it into a letter box type affair at the camp entrance. The reason this is amazing? The boxes haven’t been busted open for the cash and the facilities aren’t vandalised. It still amazes me now when I see BBQ areas in parks where there’s been no attempt to destroy it or steal / burn the gas bottle. I imagine the worst thing is just people defecating on the trays and the only reason I suspected that was because the thought crossed my mind when I passed one drunk in NSW!

But I digress – Devil’s Marbles – the real reason we were here was for the sunsets which is apparently glorious, with the sun setting off the red rocks al around. And as it says on the tin, the rocks themselves look like marbles placed by a giant hand. In the same way that Ayers Rock was formed, erosion has worn away the surrounding rock around this harder stone which then appears balanced precariously on the softer rock beneath, like a giant marble! Cool huh?! The Aborigines believed that the rocks represented the spirits of their Ancestors who had departed and that this spirits sometimes wandered at large during the night – we would have to be careful! In fact, I woke up a couple of times with a start, which I think was just feral cats or wallabies, but in truth the whole place felt strange, my dreams were disturbed and sleep fitful. It was either the stories playing on my mind or the half bottle of red wine I had!

One of the spirits?!

That evening though, after din-dins was great. I had collected some firewood and I got to make a bonfire. It’s amazing how soothed and comfortable a fire makes you feel and I felt the hassles of the day slip from my shoulders as the night wore on and the wine bottle got lighter! I took photos of the fire, which seemed to produce some amazing shapes and faces!! Small things and small minds huh?!

Friday 25th August

An early start for the push to Alice – ugh – which was pretty uneventful. We stopped in at the next road house to clean our teeth and have a wash to be greeted by the owner growling ‘Are you buying something?’ when I asked for the toilets. If I’d’ve known, I would have bought fuel at the next place – I never get any grief like that. I’m dying to ask to use the toilet, be told only if I’m buying something and then going back outside and having a leak on the corner of the forecourt or something but there you go; small things!

Alice rocked up early afternoon and after a bit of debate, we decided to head straight to Ayers Rock the next day.

Port D, Cape Trib and Mossman...

2006-10-08T16:27:00.000+10:00

Monday 14th August

Hello Port Douglas! My last visit was in 2003 when I came here with Leece, her sister Nic and Nic’s then boyfriend Lloyd. Wow, how much has happened in 3 years and how quickly that time flies! I had a great time then and was interested to see how much I remembered fro the visit! In the event, Port Douglas is much the same as I recalled, except somehow an Irish bar had found its way onto the scene but that aside, it was still the beautiful and quaint Port Douglas I remembered!

As I was heading up to Cape Tribulation the next day, we just booked into a caravan park and had an early night, but not before a trip to four mile beach for a quick run as I didn’t think I’d be up for it in the morning! To my dismay, there was an old couple running along the beach, both of whom overtook me! I must be losing the touch. It was good though as the spur helped me run for a good 45 minutes during which I managed to run down the lady and overtake her. Alas, the old chap was too fit and I couldn’t catch him – well done fella! There’s hope for us yet!

Cape Tribulation and Mossman Gorge

The drive up was very refreshing and memory lane came back at the ferry crossing the Daintree as Leece, Lloydie, Nic and I had done a day tour up here – crossing the self same river! Once you’re over the river, the road performs a series of switchbacks and sharp climbs/descents which Harriet struggled with but we got to the YHA in the end. I thought the place sucked – miles away from Cape Tribulation and the toilets weren’t all that. We did see a canoe trip on the sea which took our eye but thought we might find a better place to stay further up – which we did in JJ’s. On the up, we passed this sign, which was there when I was here last but the reminder to watch for the Cassowaries was still good!

I was also looking at the end of my travels in Queensland as I’d gone as far North as possible with Harriet and now it was time to head to the red centre from Townsville. At the last though, on the way home, a Cassowary crossed the road in front of us. These are large, flightless birds that can stand up to 2m high. They’re in the same species group as the Emu but are characterised by a large bony protrusion on their skulls and colourful gibbets and necks. Like the Emus, the males carry out the majority of the child rearing and so, the lone bird we saw was probably a female. I was driving and didn’t get a piccie – sorry folks – but an actual sighting is a pretty rare thing so I was well chuffed to see it!

Cairns

2006-10-08T14:36:00.000+10:00

Sunday 6th August

So 2 short hours up the road lies Cairns. At last, I’ve made it! My original idea saw me spending 6-odd weeks here as I thought I’d arrive much earlier than I did – not least because I had loosely arranged to meet Amanda and her buddies here for their holiday in July…but I stuffed that up. On the plus side, I got there in the end!

Actually, Cairns is a bit of shithole. It’s obviously undergone a pretty quick expansion to provide for the tourism and some parts of it look like it – the seafront section is pretty nice for example, but by dredging the harbour and marina here, they’ve created an incredibly unsightly beach which has been turned into a mudflat which at low tide stretches as far as the eye can see.

This ones for you Peel - the car was done out with Ned Kelly memorabilia.

I was still hanging a wee bit from the night at Mission Beach and turned in early only to discover on meeting Angus the next day that he went out that Sunday night and checked out the bars and stuff – he did such a good job he blew a couple of ton, was woken up in the hostel TV room at 7am and wrote himself off so badly, the next three nights he was tucked up in bed by 7pm with a hot toddy. Well, not quite but it was some feat of write off as Angus is a sturdy fellow who I can confidently say would be at the bar with Paul Campbell after I’d done my worst and failed! Heh Heh!

In the event, we did have a few good nights out – it was a bit of an Airlie Beach reunion with Angus, Konrad and Romy making various appearances – and in one of the bars met this great guy from NZ who was a deckhand on the boats. It’s a cool fucking place to go out on the piss – I’ll give you that!

In the end though, my main desire whilst here was to get a dive trip under my belt – ideally an overnighter – wahey!

One for the boys...

2006-09-07T11:58:00.000+10:00

Whitsundays - Part 2

2006-09-07T11:48:00.000+10:00

With a sunset like that....

Thursday 27^th July

I awoke to a beautiful pre-dawn light with a chorus of just about everything chirping away behind us on the island. The sea was like a mirror and the morning swim was the best I’ve ever experienced – no-one about. The Captain had suggested a pre-breakfast snorkel and I swam over to meet the tender and the few peeps who also fancied a dip. The coral was better here but all the fish seemed to be on breakfast break themselves as it was pretty empty! This was our last major activity before scooting back to Airlie Beach and once we were past the cover the islands, the boat took off.

Apparently the technical term is ‘jiving’, but for me it was a chance to dash about the boat helping out before sitting at the back with my namesake and shooting the breeze with two girls – one from France ( who I’d spotted the previous day ;-0)) and the other from Quebec – but don’t be fooled, she was a lovely lass!

That evening was a boat reunion in ‘Beaches’ backpackers – with the first few beers laid on for free. Ours was sadly a pretty poor showing but as I had to get a wriggle on to Townsville and Ingham for the van service – that was no bad thing!

Whitsundays - Part 1

2006-09-07T11:36:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 25^th July

One of the attractions for me in going on a sailing trip was to experience a proper sailing boat and with this in mind, I paid out for a trip on a boat called ‘Eureka II’, which is a maxi-class boat – approximately 80 foot long. Wayne – you’d love her! Anyway, the boat would be undergoing a re-fit once she’d finished the trips this week and being raced in the Sydney-Hobart.

She was departing the Marina at 2pm and we were advised to get there for roughly 1.30 to hear the pre-sail briefing and all that truck. I rocked up to the meeting point and joined 3 others who were also catching the Eureka. A lovely Dutch couple and a Yank from Washington who had joined the boat for a week to gain some sailing experience – hard core!

As 2pm came and went, I started getting a bit twitchy and walked over to the harbour master for instructions. It turned out that the Eureka II meeting point was across the other side of the Marina – and as we were already late I had all sorts of visions of missing the boat. Eventually, we were met by a guy who looked quite bedraggled and worn out as he’d been running between the two meeting points trying to round up everyone – there had evidently been a cock-up!

Once on the boat, all was well, the Cap’n showing us around the boat – beauty mate! It even had working showers and everything! O kick us all off, hose of us who were interested were shown a bowline and asked to practise it – reminding me of my Boy Scout career! After we were clear of the harbour, we could raise the sails and that was good fun as the wind whipped the sail about as we were trying to raise it! A buckle from the end of the sail flew up and nearly hit one of the guys in the face – it was life or death out there!!

Due to the late start with all the farting about trying to find everyone, we basically headed straight to where we would be spending the night, which was on one side of the island where you find Whitehaven beach – which we would visit the next day. Just after dinner, I’d settled upstairs with a beer when we heard this chirping and squeaking from the side of the boat and saw a dolphin – how cool is that?! A couple of us stripped off and jumped in but the schlippery schucker decided to disappear unfortunately and I was left to have a little swim as the sun set – and what a sunset it was, as I hope the pictures show.

The camera unfortunately doesn’t do the actual view justice but it was still awesome.

The evening was very relaxed, as we settled down to a few beers and a board game where you had to complete the remainder of the song, quote from film or children’s nursery rhyme. It was a very frustrating game but great fun as we all shouted and bawled our way through the answers!

That night, due to an administrative oversight it turned out that I didn’t have anywhere to sleep and as it was raining up on deck, I couldn’t crash under the stars which was something I really wanted to experience. In the end, I just passed out on the main table with a swag bag – a cool waterproof sleeping back with a small mattress inside – very comfy and warm!

Wednesday 26^th July

Another shitty day in paradise – what a beauty – the hangover cleared up straight away as soon as I jumped into the milk pond ocean. The best part of this was seeing one of the girls getting dressed on the bow of the boat thinking there was no-one there. Her face as I climbed out of the water was a picture to behold and I could see she was dying to ask me what I’d seen! I saw it all luv and it was beautiful – thanks! X

First stop then, Whitehaven Beach, which is so named as its white! It truly does look like paradise and the only slight disappointment was that the water was very shallow – making swimming a bit of a chore. I also had my first taste of green tree ant here – one of the guys had mentioned that they tasted of lime and sure enough they do!! Couldn’t eat a whole nest but certainly one or two is no problem! Mmmm.

Airlie Beach and the nightlife!

2006-09-07T11:00:00.000+10:00

Friday 21^st July

So here we were driving to Airlie Beach and the (in) famous Whitsunday sailing tours. The drive was very pleasant, the turn off to Airlie about an hour from Proserpine where I’d dropped the two girls off. The weather was a bit odd as we drove through a very severe storm about half a kilometre wide before breaking out into sunshine on the other side. The road wasn’t even wet and yet behind the van, receding as we drove away, was a local weather system where the rain was so heavy, you couldn’t see more than 10 metres through the windscreen. Bizarre!

The final run into Airlie is down a hill which overlooks the bay and as we came in, I noticed again a lot of roadwork’s and building going on – in this case, a new shopping centre complex and petrol station base being put down. There were also a few people driving around in what I discovered are called ‘mini-mokes’ and these look like little go-karts, or customised golf carts! They looked fun anyway.

Finding the YHA was pretty straight-forward although to my surprise they were very full. I managed to get a YHA card here though, which entitles you to $3 off the room fee – bonus! 15 nights and I’ve covered the cost of the card.

L-R: Romy, Mark and Angus

It was here that I met another Canadian, Angus, who I presumed knew others in the group but in fact had tagged along with Mark as they shared the room. Who cares anyway, as after discovering he’s not a Yank, all was well! Unfortunately for poor Angus, we were to cross paths, share beers and laugh at crap jokes from now until the end of Angus’ holiday, but for me, they were happy times spent in the Company of a top bloke – but more of that later – first, we had the beers to navigate.

It ended up being a massive night – 5am finish – but that’s what it’s all about right!

Konrad downing his 'winnings'!

Needless to say, the Saturday was a write off but I did meet Konrad from Cologne – another top lad – it’s amazing though just how many Germans are here!!

I WILL go and check out some Whitsunday sailing trips Sunday, HONEST!!

Sunday 23rd July

The day started off well, healthy brekkie and a positive attitude towards getting a trip sorted but then I met Angus…. (Who’s no stranger to a glass or two of beer…!) And we decided that a pizza was in order, especially as it was on a 2-4-1 offer at the boozer….. Which was inevitably accompanied by a beer….. And so the Sunday sesh started! That said, I haven’t had a Sunday sesh in a long time so it was much needed and long overdue! The advantage of having to break from a boozing session to do something is that usually the ‘something’ gets done pretty quickly and in my case, this is what happened! I booked a trip to the Whitsunday’s on Eureka II for 2 days/2 nights, leaving Tuesday 25^th July and within 30 minutes was getting the round in back at the boozer! Efficiency or what! The day was a corker and went on into the night and having just booked a trip – I reckoned I deserved it!

Another inevitable Irish bar - with the gang!!

We were joined later by the rest of the gang and whiled away the evening listening to a guy who was jamming up on stage – he was actually excellent. We also fitted in a few games of ‘shithead’, with the winner taking a penalty of a shot – as I was already well puddled, I didn’t need the help anyway!

Managing to last until 1am was quite an achievement I thought, although Angus saw me off! I can remember when I was almost always the last man standing but I guess the time has come to hand over the crown!

Capricorn Caves

2006-09-06T13:27:00.000+10:00

Wednesday 19th July

On the way to Mackay, we saw a turn off for the Capricorn caves, a cave system discovered by a Norwegian guy in the late 19th Century. Amazingly, he explored and mapped every single part of the caves with just a candle, pencil and paper so we decided it was worth the 2 hour detour. As we arrived, we saw a kangaroo zooming through the park which sent Babett into spasms of delight and so we spent a few minutes zooming around trying to get a photo.

Finding the reception area to buy a ticket was trickier than expected as everywhere seemed bereft of staff and there were more than a few people hanging about apparently aimlessly. Eventually spotting a guide, we managed to get onto the 11am showing, but only just! The downer was that our tour was going around with a bunch of teenage American school kids – loud and squalling brats as the stereotype demands! I was gutted. It turned out that the kids were on an exchange here in Australia on a programme started by Dwight. D. Eisenhower who felt it’d be a great idea for kids of school age to broaden their horizons and see the world, making friends and what not. A worthy ideal I thought but the lass who was giving an introduction was hilarious, not remembering if they’d been to Sydney and then remarking, ‘Oh yeah, the Capital’, without a trace of irony! I felt it would be a long couple of hours.

Wowser - check out the roots on that!

The caves themselves were pretty easy to navigate, the walkways and caverns large and airy. The most impressive thing was that the tree’s which grew on the surface had, over time, sunk their roots far down through the cracks in the limestone in their search for water. This, coupled with rain and the passage of time, had forced open and formed the caves we were now in. We were led through a few different areas before being taken to an area called the ‘cathedral’.

The Cathedral... this is the 'Altar' bit

Apparently, this place is quite popular for weddings and when we saw the ‘cathedral’, I could see why. It was formed almost perfectly like a small church with a soaring roof. The Trust had placed in benches and some candles and some rudimentary carpentry at the front end did for an altar. Our guide turned out the lights and the darkness was total, which I felt must’ve given the room a brilliant look in candlelight. It also bore reminder to the achievement of the Noggy who explored all the systems with just a candle. Despite the predictable puerile squalling of some of the girls in the group, the feeling was one of calm and serenity. Our guide was going to play some music to demonstrate the musical effects of the cave but a surprise was that some of the school kids offered to get up and sing. I was pretty sceptical but I have to take my hat off to the girls, they were amazing, especially the girl who sang on her own. It turned out this was the chic who thought ‘...Umm, Sydney, oh yeah, the Capital’, but although she’s obviously a Geography flunkie, her singing was excellent. It impressed me also that they were confident enough to get up and sing in front of a bunch of strangers but it was no less enjoyable for that. Afterwards, the guide played ‘Amazing Grace’ and it was beautiful – the cavern certainly had some excellent acoustic qualities. The entrance fee was worth those 10 minutes alone and I left feeling quite chipper. As a final bonus, we were offered the chance to climb through a couple of sections ourselves before leaving and of the 4 choices, the 4th was a short but tight corkscrewing section just next to the exit. I think it was called the blowhole or something, but really it should’ve been called the ‘nutcracker’ as I think any bloke over 5’8” was going to get ‘kissed’ between the legs!

Bundy and the Town of 1770

2006-09-01T15:27:00.000+10:00

Sunday 16th July

With a wee hangover, it was off to Bundaberg, site of the infamous ‘Bundy Rum’ and with the trip came more foul drizzly rain! The trip itself passed off pretty easily but the rain was a real bummer as I couldn’t wash any clothes. Most of the Caravan parks, to my surprise, were full but I managed to squeeze in at a place on the main road. That night, Babett called, she was also in Bundy and was interested in meeting up for the trip to ‘1770’ if I was still going. We arranged to meet the next day at 10.30 and head off via the distillery, so it wasn’t all a wasted trip!

Monday 17th July

I ended up waking quite early today and so decided to do a bit of shopping and also check out the ‘Harvest Trail’ website as here seemed quite a lot of work in the Bundy region. So it was that I rang up a number for some avocado picking. The conversation was less than pleasant, as the guy on the end started off with ‘What experience with Avocado’s do you have?’ I explained that I had just arrived in country and was looking for work and hadn’t done any fruit picking yet. He insisted on needing experience, being quite obtuse about it – this despite the advert stating that 500 people were needed. In the end, quite exasperated, I asked him bluntly, ‘Do you want pickers or not, because your ad doesn’t mention previous experience being necessary’. I didn’t wait for him to finish his bleating so just said ‘Good luck then’ and hung up. Wanker! Talking with people since then, it seems that this experience is not unusual and that Bundaberg is notorious for getting more backpackers in for work than are needed and playing them off against each other to drive down the price that they pay them for work. I was glad I didn’t bother.

Picking up Babett, we headed off to 1770. It was funny but the poor girl was weighed down with two rucksacks and was also carrying two carrier bags with food. I swear when I took the bags from her, she sprung up a couple of inches!!

The distillery tour was nice enough – 1 hour being taken through and some free drinks at the end, which I couldn’t have as I was driving. I did buy a litre of distilled rum which Bundaberg are trying to market as a competition for whisky. I don’t think it’ll be up to much, but when I try it, I’ll be sure to let you know!

The drive was pleasant enough, the countryside was beautifully green and after leaving the Bruce Highway, the sugarcane fields all disappeared. The Town of 1770 was discovered in…. 1770 by Captain Cook and it’s situated next to another town called Agnes Waters. The main drag is Agnes, with 1770 containing a Caravan Park and a bar. We drove in and sorted me out a Caravan spot – predictably the last one – before aking Babett to the local hostel – ‘Cool Banana’s’ – which looked very cool indeed, with a lovely and leafy back yard. We checked Babett in and I thought I’d ask the lass if you could keep a campervan there – which you could but you had to stay in the dorms, so that was me ruled out. We arranged to meet up later and see if there was anything to do and I headed back for a bite to eat. When I went back later, Babett had met some of the other hostellers and they were settling in for a game of ‘Ring of Fire’, which was a drinking game involving cards! As I was driving I had to decline the offer to join in and so took my leave!

The tree is kinda cool I thought - it lives in the sea at high tide and if the water is too saline, will 'walk' up the beach to a less salty environment. Life huh?! Phew!

Tuesday 18th July

Picking Babett up at 10am, we headed back into 1770 for a look see. It turned out they all had a big one – in bed at 3am or something, so considering that she didn’t look too shattered!

The Cook memorial...

1770 doesn’t have much to offer except some great views and a small memorial commemorating the discovery by Cook in the, ahem, Discovery! It turns out that some of the crew came ashore just by the campsite I stayed at. Cool, huh?!

Rockhampton

This turned out to be just an overnight stop – the hostel was nice enough – my first attempt at staying in a hostel. The Tourist Information here was excellent – very helpful except that the lass who helped us really could talk the hind legs off a donkey – it was all we could do to get away! Poor Babett was subjected to an Indian curry – Rogan Josh – which I rustled up – but she seemed to enjoy it so that was nice!

Fraser wildlife

2006-09-01T15:20:00.000+10:00

I did manage to find some cool spiders though – these one’s were chilling out in the roof of the mess tent! I’d been playing cards, with a couple of Germans, a Canadian lass and 3 Norwegian lads when I happened to glance up and saw how many there were. Cool or what! Everyone seemed put off by the thought of the little blighters and we knocked it on the head after that – shoulda kept my gob shut!

Fraser and the Maheno

2006-09-01T15:15:00.000+10:00

The shipwreck was the highlight of the morning. The ‘Maheno’ was a top class passenger liner that used to ply the route between Sydney and Auckland for top dollar paying punters before being sold to Japan for scrap. It was blown ashore in 1935 by a cyclone and subsequently abandoned. The Australian Govmint at the time, charged the Japs for leaving the wreck there – effectively charging them twice! I imagined standing on the beach hearing that story that the Nips couldn’t wait to overrun Oz 6 years later! The best thing though - and I loved this story - was that the RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force) used the ship as a target for bombing practice. In their enthusiasm, they dropped over 300 bombs on the wreck and hit it…….twice! A success rate of less than 1%. I loved that! I hope they’ve improved since then, or maybe that was why they needed the practise!

2 times in 300. Love it!

Fraser - Some sights

2006-09-01T15:08:00.000+10:00

Thursday 13th July

So all good things come to an end and with a heavy heart I upped stumps to Hervey Bay and a trip to Fraser Island. I’d heard lots of weird and wonderful stories about the best way to see Fraser, ranging from booking through an Agent who then teams you up with a number of other people for a Fraser self-drive, where you drove yourselves, camped out and prepared your own food etc. This was my preferred option until someone let slip that they’d endured a nightmare trip where the group consisted of young lads whose apparent sole aim was to get as drunk and stoned as possible, with no consideration for sharing the driving, cooking or anything else. I really wanted an easy weekend where everything would be done for me and so opted for the guided tour, in this case the Fraser Island Tour Company. I’d also heard that Hervey was pretty chocker as well and so took the precaution of advance booking a caravan site – being told I was ‘lucky’ to get the last one! A now familiar line and, I began to suspect, a favoured Queensland way of generating an image of busyness.

The drive up was fairly uneventful and with the exception of the dubious distinction of getting lost in Maryborough, I arrived in Hervey mid-afternoon and what a disappointing looking town it is – basically just a main street and the usual collection of high street names and tourist info places. The Caravan site was on the beach, which was a bonus of sorts but the weather had taken a turn for the worse and the Aussie version of a pea-souper was on its way in. As it started to piss down again, I turned in for the night ready for an early start on Friday at 6.45 – eek.

Friday 14th July

I woke up with my mood much improved and met the bus for 6.45. This impressive looking off-road vehicle pulled up and it reminded me of the Russian Uaz’s that we used in Siberia – rugged and reliable off-road vehicles with 5 foot diameter wheels! Great fun to travel in too – so was already looking forward to it. Our guide was a lad called Steve who seemed full of beans – goes with the job I guess and after collecting the remainder of the travellers, we mooched off for a 2 day – 1 night tour. Accessing the ferry was fun, as one of the self-drive Landcruisers in front of us had 8 young lads in – 2 up the front and 6 in the back. The 6 in the back had already cracked open their case of beer – it was 8am. I was glad I didn’t take a chance on a self-drive!

The ferry crossing was uneventful and we were the first to disembark on Fraser and promptly got bogged down in the soft sand! After a run up, we were through and on our way. The first thing that strikes you about Fraser is again how green it is. There are tropical rainforests on this Island for Gods-sake and it’s composed almost entirely of rock and sand!

Steve, our guide, was a font of knowledge and we were introduced to scribbly gums, bark eucalypt, spine grasses etc – I should’ve taken notes because it was both interesting and detailed. The most interesting thing was how the Australian flora relies, RELIES, on bush fires to regenerate. In fact, a lot of the bushes and grasses need the heat generated in a bush fire to actually germinate and open the seed pods – I mean, that’s specialisation! One of the tree’s even sheds its bark to aid the bush fires when they start!

This little beaut is very useful, called 'spear grass', or 'black boys', the Stem is used as a spear shaft by Aboriginals, the top section contains the seeds which only germinate when the heat from a bush fire helps them along, but you can use the seeds for eating. The grassy section has a lot of carbohydrate in its stem which you can eat. Jaysus, I sound like Ray Bloody Mears!!

Our first stop was a bit of an unscheduled one to help another tour bus with a flat tyre – you’d have thought driving on sand…! So out we hopped and had a look around. I saw a small huntsman spider scrambling through the bush but it was so well camoflaged, the camera wouldn’t pick it up to focus on it. :-0(

This fella is a scribbly gum and sheds it's bark to aid the bush fires. You can use the bark as.... paper! woo hoo!

Heading off again, we started to move into a rainforest area with some very tall and wide trees. Fraser used to be a logging area but is now conserved but the downside is that most of the larger tree’s are now logged. Mind you, there are still some pretty impressive specimens. Further down the track, another tour bus needed help and so we walked a mile or so along the road through the forest, with our tour bus picking us up later. The rainforest is something to behold. The amount of strangler vines was also a surprise. These parasites grow up a host tree and spread their canopy above the host tree’s, cutting off the sunlight. Over time, the strangler fig, feeding off the host tree, grows larger, eventually enclosing the trunk of the host. Coupled with being starved of sunlight, the host dies, rots and after time (3-400 years), there is a hollow inside the strangler fig that you can actually swing a cat in. Brutal environment!

Out on the other side of the Island, we were heading across to the far beach where we would be seeing a fresh water creek (4.5 million litres of freshwater per hour), a famous shipwreck, Indian Heads, champagne pools and lunch in there somewhere as well!

Lunch at the Cathedral Beach Resort was an excellent buffet affair. I’d been told by the guide, Steve, that as I was on my own, I’d be bunking with another lad who was also alone. This turned out to be Tom, who I got chatting to over lunch. Dead nice lad, very mild mannered and easy going, he had just graduated and was travelling for 3 months before heading back to the real world! I was quite glad of the chance to chat to someone, so the poor fella had to put up with me for the rest of the day! He seemed to bear up well though!

The afternoon was taken up with Eli Creek, which you can walk down – very refreshing - and then off to Indian Heads, so named as Cook saw the first indigenous natives on the headland there. It turns out that the natives were removed from the Island following a number of clashes between them and the white loggers, culminating in the murder of 2 whites by the Aboriginals followed by a reprisal that saw 75-odd aboriginal men, women and children herded up and driven off the cliffs at Indian Heads. Those that didn’t jump were clubbed and shot to death. Our guide told us that there are now no genetically pure Aboriginals left from Fraser, seeing as the remainder were moved inland onto reserves set aside for Aboriginals. It’s a shocking story, but you don’t get any perspective, not least as there are no Aboriginal tourist reserves to visit. That said, they are trying to develop a resort that you can stay at and visit to see how they survived but it was closed when we passed. Steve added that he believes, in time, Fraser will be returned to the Aboriginals but it begs the question as to who will have it as there are no originals Fraserites left.

Indian Heads is a lovely vantage point, looking over the Pacific. We saw a pair of white bellied sea eagles training their young baby to fish. It was quite funny seeing the baby swoop down to the sea, misjudge the distance and wipe out spectacularly in the waves! The parents circled overhead screaming at it and eventually, the baby managed to fly back up for another bash!

This time of year is the Humpback migration where they travel North past Fraser and after 10-15 minutes of watching, you could see a number of Whales breaching and blowing. At one point there were 4 Whales in a North-South line breaching one after the other, approximately 1 km apart. A great sight and my first experience of them. Unfortunately, they were too far away to capture with the digital. Sniff!

We saw a dingo on the way back, my first sighting in the wild – there are apparently 150 of them on the Island and they’v been known to be quite aggressive towards humans in the past looking for food. A 9 year old boy was killed in 2001 by a pack on Fraser so I guess that Lindy Chamberlains dingo wasn’t so innocent after all!

That night we repaired to Cathedral Beach for dinner and again the food was top notch. We stopped off at a shop on the way where some people paid 50 bucks for a crate of 24. Ouch! I have to say, the camping facilities were excellent and the beds were just the comfiest things. Best of all though, we just kicked back while the food was prepared. There were some self-drives camping nearby and were looking very haggard as they set their tents up and began cooking. A few of them also began partying and they were going strong when I turned in at about 11pm! Tom had said that one of the camps were where some friends of his had camped – he’d met them at Airlie Beach on one of the boat trips. A group of Irish and they were definitely partying! There was something about the way he referred to one of the girls that made me raise an eyebrow, but he didn’t divulge any more so my curiosity had to wait!

Saturday 15th July

An early start and a fantastic brekkie and we were on our way. Today we were looking at Frasers inland lakes and the sand blows that were travelling across the island. Fraser is listed as a World Heritage site for being one of the only sand islands in the world, for having half of the worlds perched freshwater lakes and for the rainforests. 3 out of 4 on the Heritage list ain’t bad. And you wouldn’t know it unless you were here!

It was a corking sunny morning as we walked for about an hour to get to one lake, which we then went swimming in. After that, we were off to the world’s highest perched dune lake, which was nice to have a stroll around. It was also here that Tom me up with his Irish friends and I began to see what Tom was thinking as the girl he knew was HOT! She was all excited and girly at seeing Tom, so there is some mileage there! Waytago mate!

Like all things, they end though and too soon we were heading back to the ferry. By this time, as a group we’d all clicked and so I’d canvassed a few people about beers in Hervey and there were a few takers so a good night looked in the offing!

And so it was off to the ubiquitous Irish Bar for a bangers and mash supper and a few sherbets. Initially, just Tom, myself, a Canadian lass Laine and a German lass Babett turned up – so we had plenty of time to shoot the breeze. I’d just finished the book ‘Men are from Mars, omen are from Venus’ and passed it onto Tom for study purposes! I also gave him my ‘E for Ecstasy’ book, a great read if I say so myself! Chatting with Babett, it turns out that she’s also heading North, travelling by train, so I passed on my number and e-mail address in case she wanted a lift anywhere. I mentioned I was planning on seeing the ‘Town of 1770’, which she couldn’t get to by train, so I figured she may give me a call, which would be nice.

After time, the rest of the gang turned up and we had a very enjoyable evening, not least debating the pro’s and con’s of the ‘Men are from Mars….’ book. The girls rubbished it, but I thought it was OK. Actually, the book I’d most enjoyed which provided a revealing insight into chix was ‘The Bride stripped bare’ by N. J Gemmel, but it was too much to get into there! After hitting a nightclub, chatting with Tom he revealed he was staying another night to meet the Irish girls from Fraser – top drawer mate, hope the book comes in handy – drop me an e-mail and give a status report – I think it’ll be great news!

Noosa and Rainbow Beach

2006-08-20T12:11:00.000+10:00

Sunday 9th July

Having left Brissy for the third and final time – it was back up the Sunshine Coast for a shufti at Noosa. Last time I was here was for Sam and Jamie’s wedding when I was still with Leece and it was (and I’m sure still is!) a tanfastic place. Unfortunately for me it was Queensland school holidays so it was busy as hell. Also, the Caravan Park was absolutely chocker but luckily I was able to get an unpowered site – the last one as well. On the bike and into the main street, nearly getting run over before hitting the beach and it’s mobbed! And Hasting’s Street – Pah. I managed to find a spot on the beach which I thought was OK only to incessantly get sand kicked over me by two kids enthused by he world cup and playing footy next to me! Good body scrub I guess! I solved the problem by taking the ball when it was kicked into me again and kicking it as far out into the sea as I could. Seems the kids couldn’t swim so I was able to get 5 minutes of peace! The final straw though was trying to book surfing lessons and have the guy fob me off until Thursday as he was running a couple of small groups and individual lessons. I was offered a 1-2-1 on Tuesday, but at 100 buckeroonies it was a bit OTT so I declined.

I joked about booting the footy out to sea btw – I punctured it instead ;-0)

Back at the site, the camp kitchen was absolutely stoved out so I dined on a nice bowl of vegetable soup! Back in the van and going through my Dvd’s to decide what to watch, I hear a van reversing next to me, followed by a sickening thud and crunch! I get out in time to see the guy next to me driving his van forward having reversed into a tree and busted his back door and window completely! The thing is, he could’ve just driven in forward into the spot but I’m ashamed to say it cheered me up a wee bit that I wasn’t the only one having a bad day! He was obviously pissed and for some reason I asked ‘You OK mate?’ Bit daft really as I knew what the response would be, but he did surprise me by adding a few extra ‘fucking’s’ than I’d expected! Good on yer mate! AND he was French! Waytago! Luckily he was fully insured as it was a Britz van so he was in much better spirits when he left in the morning. As was I, as I mooched up the road to Rainbow Beach – figuring that it’d be less busy either there or at Tin Can Bay….

Monday 10th July

It seemed like a million miles driving here – passing through Gympie on the way up, I couldn’t decide where the main street was despite the map indicating that the Bruce Highway passed straight through – it’s that non-descript! I even checked the Lonely Planet for advice and it states… “Gympie likes to promote itself as ‘the Town that saved Queensland’….” Well, that says it all for Queensland as far as I’m concerned! BOS.

That said, coming into the area for Rainbow Beach and Tin Can Bay, you’re bowled over by the beauty and remote seeming road you’re on, interrupted only by the odd Road Train honking at you and trying to drive in your boot in an effort to intimidate you into moving over. It’s the first time I’ve been glad of the London driving experience in that I could meander happily along the route to Rainbow Beach and not give a f@ck about the 300 tonne Leviathan in my rear-view mirror! I only twigged as to how suicidal these guys are when he overtook me on a hill! 50m of truck takes a loooonnnnggg time to go past! That’s some timetable they’re working to.

I knew I was ‘in’ at Rainbow Beach when I grabbed the final powered spot – apparently even here they’re chock full. I promptly booked another night, to give me the leeway of binning it if it was shite or staying at my leisure if not.

As it happened, my first night there I met a cool couple from Canada. But not just ‘Canada’, but the French speaking part. Considering Anglo-French relations over the years and especially the need to sign the ‘Entente Cordial’, I thought there may be some antipathy but these two, Josette and Dave, are two of the coolest people you could hope to meet. Unfortunately for them the night began with the Captain waxing lyrical about all sort of shite, especially the negative points of Port Macquarie to the Aussie family also cooking…. Who then divulged they were from Port MacQuarie…! I almost felt a Wanker! Luckily, Dave and Josette were on my side so we sniggered quietly and proceeded to have a few more beers. I have to say that at this point, I was attempting to go for 2 weeks without any ‘pop’, but those who know me will appreciate that this is (and indeed proved to be) a tall order and so, 11 days into my abstention, I cracked and fished out my bottle of ‘Cab-Sav Wolf Blass’ that I was saving for falling off the wagon 5 days hence! It turned out to be a blessing in disguise as Dave and Josette had been to Nimbin and an arrangement was reached which was entirely unexpected on my part, but most welcome nonetheless. If that sounds suitably mysterious, then let me say Dave/Josette, the last of your gift was enjoyed at Mission Beach with the most delightfully unexpected bonus of enjoying the next full moon! And Full Moon’s it was, four weeks before, as Dave, Josette and myself strolled the length of Rainbow Beach to enjoy the night. Never had I realised how much light the full moon imparts until Dave remarked that ‘it’d be a very difficult place to be ambushed by Ninja’s’. I think I appreciated the fact that Ninja’s in black suits would look out of place on a sand beach lit by moonlight but what really tickled me was the thought ‘what the fack led Dave to come out with that…?’ Now, he never said, despite repeated barracking from me but I have to say that Dave had a great, witty and frankly dark (which in my book makes it FUCKING EXCELLENT) sense of humour… and most importantly, timing. I thought this was an exclusively British reserve!! As always, good things must come to an end and the two of them were off to Fraser before heading home, Canada and Melbourne Respectively for Josette and Dave. What a bonus couple of days meeting those two though!

Wednesday 12th July

A surfing lesson no less! I managed to stay up for a while AND catch my own waves! It was hard work though but god, it was sunny and I felt like Dave Hasselhoff without the tacky swimwear! OK, so I held my tummy in, but one should, right?!

Enthused and encouraged by my energetic activities, I also booked a diving trip at the local Wolf (nearly Creeke but that’s for NT) Rocks! And OMG, what a trip that was…

Thursday 13th July (nearly!!)

An ex-Australian Special Forces guy who had also trained (and presumably survived) British SAS training was now running a diving business at the local Shark ‘sanctuary’... Wolf Rocks. As you can imagine, no quarter asked for and so at 6 o’Clock (6AM!!!!) we were rendezvousing (no less), which meant I had to be up at ugly’o’clock. Or as Campbelloni would say – Stupid o’clock! Mind you, as I’ve said before, there’s something very self-satisfying about being up 1 million minutes before everyone else, but I just didn’t feel that way, despite an early night and no booze!

I’ve never been out in such rough sea’s before and on such a small boat – a Gemini again apparently, but it felt more like a table with about 3 million HP behind it, with none of the benefits of grabbing a table when your world is going South! 2 metre swells is fuck all on a cross-channel ferry, but on a 6 metre long boat, it’s an experience! To my credit, I didn’t spew, but neither did anyone else, INCLUDING THE CHIX, thus diminishing my effort… so it wasn’t until we managed to (SCHNELL…SCHNELL, DIVE….DIVE) descend that I could actually get my head together. Mind you, even that was a chore because everyone seemed to descend so effortlessly to 30 metres that again, I felt like a Wanker! God, I HATE Eustachian tubes!

Once down though, like any effort made to dive, the benefits FAR outweighed any discomfort – my god, it’s not a Shark sanctuary for nothing. Within a couple of minutes I’d seen my first Grey Nurse Shark, also called a ‘Raggy tooth’ and these blighters were pregnant – 3m long and VERY fat. In the 35 minutes we were down, I reckon I saw maybe 8 sharks – it’s strange writing now about seeing them that I think how potentially dangerous these creatures can be – a nip from one of the bigguns would result in you losing an arm, or leg, but as with most things down there – they’re curious about the noisy, slow moving, one-eyed metal fish, before leaving you to your own devices, which with a 3m killer in its element, is a nice attitude to have I think! The other thing that bew me away was the sounds of the Whales – I’ve no idea how close they were but they do sound like cows mooing – it’s incredibly soothing.

The second dive was more of the same (don’t I sound blasé now?!) but with the added excitement of seeing the tail of a Leopard Shark (pretty rare things) and almost putting my hand on a stonefish and having the associated difficulties with getting tagged by one of them! Luckily for me, it didn’t happen, but the joys of diving!! When we got out, the guy told us that just 3 weeks ago, he was rounding one of the boulders when a baby Great White glided past. He said it did nothing but swim on and the only question I could ask after picking my jaw up from the floor was ‘How did you know it was a baby?’ His answer? ‘It was only about 3m long’. Only. Fuck that! Apparently the Great Whites follow the migrating Whales and munch on the calves when they can – thank god he didn’t tell me that one before we got in the water!

Moreton Island

2006-08-20T11:48:00.000+10:00

Saturday 8th July

So without realising it would happen, I was back in Brissy for a night to depart from there for Moreton Island. In the end, it was only a day trip, but still great fun.

Dolphins and Dugongs in the crystal blue water were very enticing but it turns out that the sea is quite lethal – rips and sharks being the main issue, especially with the whales moving North around now – so not a time to be swimming. That said, when we had the chance to go boom netting, I jumped at it! This is basically hanging off a net on the back of the boat and getting dragged along – but still, no sharks!!

The snorkelling area is amazing – there are about 12 wrecks sunk in the area and forming their own little ecology which we mooched around and snorkelled. I found a few interesting nooks and crannies but nothing massively interesting. Still, the swim was great and all in all, it made me even more excited about getting onto Fraser, which had a lot more to offer, being twice the size. It’s amazing though, considering it’s a sand island, how much greenery there was – there are some hardy tree’s in Oz! Apparently also, Moreton is now back to being an original habitat following 30 years of trapping of cats, rats and feral pigs – poor blighters!

The Island is named after a guy who was shipwrecked here and lived on the island for a while before being rescued. 2 others who attempted the swim to the mainland didn’t make it, presumably becoming part of the food chain on the way! And no-one remembers their names – harsh world!

Maroochy and HMAS Brisbane

2006-08-20T11:29:00.000+10:00

Friday 7th July

What can I say? This is the best dive of my life to date. The boat was decommissioned and someone suggested making it a recreational dive site and thank god they did. It’s been decommissioned in such a way as to make the dive very safe and easy, all penetrations have at least 2 other exits that you can see on entering the confined space etc and although the actual dive site isn’t very technical, the chance to dive inside a ship, through the engine room, quarters, weapon deck, control room etc – it was cool as. There were two dives, the first an orientation dive that we did outside of the vessel and the second was the penetration dive. For the first time, I wish I had an underwater camera – the fish were so plentiful. Lion fish, scorpion fish, puffer fish, barracuda, crabs and the amazing thing is that the wreck has only been down for 11 months. I will definitely re-dive this in a few years. On my way into the engine room, I got caught in a surge and banged my head on the rim of the penetration which was already covered in barnacles, so ended up with a little ‘kiss’ for my troubles. The Cleaner Wrasse were straight in there cleaning up and nibbling at the torn skin and trace of blood. After getting out of the water, the wound was clean and free of skin, so a wee bit of iodine and Bob’s your proverbial – amazing ecosystem under the sea!!

One of the lasses that dived had an underwater camera and although we swapped e-mail addresses, she’s not come up with the goods yet, so if that changes, I’ll update the blog.
So, all in all, a disgustingly active week – off to Moreton Island – second largest sand island in the World, after Fraser!!

Glasshouse mountains - Tibrogargan

2006-08-20T11:22:00.000+10:00

Wednesday 5th July

Inspired by my energetic start to the week, I’d determined to climb ‘Tibrogargan’, which I’d passed on the way to Australia zoo with Rebecca and which Margaret had informed me, so arriving here and checking the lay of the land, I was ready to get stuck in! One of the striking things about ‘Tibrogargan’ is that it looks like a Gorilla hunched by the side of the road and is quite a challenging climb apparently. I couldn’t wait!

Whilst cooking some grub at the camp kitchen, I recognised a ‘Wicked’ van I’d seen at Brisbane – this one was the ‘Love Wagon’ and was being driven by 2 German girls whom I recognised from Brisbane but hadn’t spoken to. Wasting no time, we got chatting and it turned out that they were here to climb one of the mountains as well. After a bit of sales spiel, they decided to go for ‘Tibrogargan’ as well and so we arranged to meet up in the morning and head off to climb together. Winner. First of all though, I had to find somewhere that was showing the deciding match between NSW and Queensland – the final State of Origin test. Interestingly balanced at 1-1, I would be watching the final test in Queensland and so I was looking forward to seeing how the match would pan out. I found a place ‘about 10 minutes up the road on the left’ as I was advised by a helpful Aussie guy so I dutifully set off. After 25 minutes, I realised that he meant ’10 minutes’ by car, doing 110kph! Of course, by this point, the path had ceased to exist and I was walking along the side of the road and diving in the bush whenever a truck or car came past, which was annoyingly often! After about 40 minutes, I came to the area, which was disturbingly called ‘Glasshouse Town ship’. Now, I’m an easy going and open-minded guy but seeing anything called a Township makes me edgy and I’m sure that’s only because of the connotation to African Townships. As it happened, the boozer looked quite respectable so in I trotted. It turned out to be a very interesting and enjoyable evening. Once in the door, the barmaid, on clocking my accent, couldn’t be more helpful (‘We don’t get many of your lot here’ and I couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad inference!). The experience got more bizarre, when after squeezing myself into a corner and quietly nursing my drink whilst watching the match (NSW were leading quite well at this point), the guy next to me turns and mutters something in what is, I have to say, the broadest accent I think I’ve ever heard, let alone in Oz. He was nodding and smiling manically while making this comment and I’ve still no idea what he said, but encouraged by his friendly face, I affected as strong a ‘wockney’ accent as I could and replied ‘Nice one mate, but I haven’t a facking Scooby what you just said. Great facking game though, innit?’ It must’ve been OK, cos we fell into a kind of match commentary chat as the game progressed. A fair few beers later and Queensland, somehow, had snatched a win! The bar was going off and my new mates wanted to get on it, inviting me back to theirs and what not. It was an ordeal to extricate myself, but nicely done. I was saved in fact by a text from Amanda and made the excuse that I needed to phone the ‘ball and chain’, which they loved! Top place – long walk home, gutted!!

Thursday 6th July.

Meeting the girls at 8am, we headed up the track, but not before meeting a guy in his 70’s or 80’s who has that annoying air of great health and sprightliness that you don’t see in British octogenarians. He climbs Tibrogargan 2-3 times a week and does it in 90 minutes – just to ensure he belittles our achievement before we even started!! And he even smoked – bastard. His English was good enough to make me think he was a Cloggy.

Beerwah on left and Coonawrin on right.

Suitably chastened, Martina, Theresia and I trudged off to climb. Aboriginal legend has it that the Glasshouse Mountains are a family, of which ‘Tibrogargan’ is the Dad. Mum is called ‘Beerwah’ and sits south of Dad and is a large, squat mountain. The talegoes that Mum is pregnant. They have 3 children, ‘Coonawrin’ and ‘The Twins’. As the story goes, Dad, noticed that there would be a great flood and so encouraged the family to move to higher ground to escape. As Mum was preggers, he told ‘Coonawrin’, the eldest son to help her. ‘Coonawrin’ however, bottled it and ran off. When he got back, Dad was so pissed that he clipped his son round the head and broke his neck, which gives ‘Coonawrin’ it’s lopsided look. Afterwards, he turned his back so he didn’t have to look at his craven son and thus forever hunches over the road in a mountainous huff! Great story.

The climb was excellent – pretty tough at points as it was almost like rock climbing. Nearly at the summit, we met the Cloggy, who, on discovering the girls were German, launched into German as well. Is there no end to this mans talents? It transpires he was Austrian and came over here 50 odd years ago. He also told us he was 79, so doing some quick maths I realised he’d’ve been 18 at the end of the war and I began postulating about whether he had to disappear because he had a dodgy past…! I realised now that his air of hale heartiness was obviously because of his former SS officer training – but as he could probably still kill me with his little finger, I just nodded politely!!

All too soon, the climb was over and it was off to our various places of interest. For the girls, this was Hervey Bay and Fraser and for me, it was Maroochy and HMAS Brisbane. We loosely arranged to meet up in Cairns, which would’ve been great as they were a great couple of girls, but we’ll see!

Redcliffe

2006-08-18T13:53:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 4th July

Not too far up the road is the Redcliffe peninsular which Matthew Flinders (Cook’s chief cartographer) had recorded as being a suitable place for settlement. The name comes from….. yup, you guessed it, its red cliff’s!

After getting a camp site, I wandered around the small centre and found myself in the local museum. The amazing thing to discover that the maps drawn 200 years ago by Matthew Flinders were so accurate that they’re still used today as the basis for many modern maps – wow. Also here is a table from a ship that was carrying a collection of representatives from the 7 Oz states on their way to Melbourne to discuss federation. The display ruminated at length about this table possibly seeing the first draft of the Aussie constitution. It’s a shame though that there is no firm knowledge of this but it seems to happen in Oz that a lot of stuff occurs almost by accident!

The site of the first Queensland settlement! Indeed, the Museum is sited right outside the waterhole that was the first settlement!

Would you 'Adam and Eve it'?!

Museumed out, I headed around the rest of the peninsular and discovered ‘Scarborough’!! There was a lot of homesickness for England in those days it appears.

Breaking for a coffee and reading through the Lonely Planet guide, I decided that after climbing ‘Tibrogargan’ on Thursday, I’d head into Maroochy and dive HMAS Brisbane which was a former Navy vessel which had been modified to be a safe an exciting recreational dive. Well, that’s what I’d started my diving for right?!

Mount Greville - Monday 3rd July

2006-08-14T21:19:00.000+10:00

Having missed out on climbing Mount Warning due to inclement weather conditions, I decided I would climb something in Lamington National Park. Brissy is conveniently situated not too far from the Sunshine Coast, Gold Coast and some National Parks inland, so is in fact a great place to be living methinks. Advertised at the Caravan Park was a walking guide operating under the name of ‘Boot’s a walking’, which reminded me of the song in ‘Full Metal Jacket’. Anyway, I’d rung up and there was a hike going off on Monday to Mount Greville, which I tagged onto. An early start, 6am, but what a glorious day. There’s something very self satisfying about getting up really early and doing something when no-one else is around – being somewhere at a time when most people are just getting up or starting work! As this used to be me, I was happy!

Who needs Navigation? It's the Captain!

The drive out to Lamington National Park was very therapeutic – the countryside was lush and green and largely empty – it’s such a large place, it seems that as soon as you leave the major urban centres there’s next to no-one about.

The hill we were climbing is one of a few in the area and is characterised by a heavily wooded base, cut by defiles and gorges that are impassable when the rains have been heavy. We decided our route up would be via ‘Waterfall gorge’ and back down via the spine of the hill.

The gorge was a lovely area, almost like a rainforest and stuffed full of plants and trees which we had to scramble over or around. On the way up, we saw a couple of rock wallabies, but I wasn’t quick enough on the camera – very exciting to see them live and in the wild. Considering there are 100 million plus of the kangaroo and wallaby family here in Oz, it’s a bit of a surprise this was my first sighting in the wild.

Luckily the day was glorious and the views from the top were rewarding – I’ve never enjoyed lunch in such solitude. On the way up, Margaret was telling me about some good climbs in the Glasshouse Mountains, on the way to Australia zoo, so with this in mind, I determined to climb one when I left Brissy.

One thing that also struck me was the amount of fire damaged trees. Margaret told me that the fire was only last year and is actually essential for the ‘bush’ to regenerate. It amazed me that in 10 months, so much had grown back – nature – phew!

The day finished at 4pm – when we returned to the car and found a full car park – strange considering that we’d seen no-one on the way up – I see what the intro on Wolf Creek meant when it said that 30000 people go missing every year in Oz!

After a great nights sleep, Tuesday saw me mooch up to Redcliffe, which was where the first colony in Queensland was founded before relocating to Brisbane after problems with water supplies.

Saturday 1st July - England v Portugal

2006-08-14T21:06:00.000+10:00

Well what a bag of shite that was huh?

At least I got out for a few beers!

And the lass was good looking!!

Brissy - Ghost tour - 30th June 2006

2006-08-13T18:09:00.000+10:00

When I first arrived in Edinburgh, all those moon’s ago, one of the first things I tried to get a feel for the city was to join a ghost tour. There turned out to be quite a few, as indeed Edinburgh has a rich and bloody history – there’s the Burke and Hare tour, the Ghost pub tour (a particular favourite!), the Ghost tour from the Castle and the Catacombs tour, which is an area of Old Edinburgh that was walled up, with people still inside, during the plague era. Makes you glad to be alive today, huh?! With these in mind, I had a wee look to see what Brissy had to offer and there we go: a couple of ghost tours. It’s not as commercialised as Edinburgh, which run the tours every week, often a couple of times a week, but there was one going this Friday at the South Brissy Cemetery. I’d’ve preferred to do the old Gaol in South Brissy, as many inmates seemed to ‘do themselves a mischief’ whilst in Police custody, but that one wasn’t going for another 10 days! No pub crawl, but it might be fun!

As we met up at the gates for the start of the tour, we were met by our tour guides, dressed as a Nun and an Undertaker respectively! The Cemetery did look quite spooky, but I reckon it was due to the different tree’s here in Oz and that I wasn’t used to the silhouettes – not that I hang around Cemetery’s as a rule! On the tour, we started in the ‘posh’ area, where all the old moneyed gentry had paid to be munched by worms and where there used to be a Rectory and indeed a Scout Hut! Further on, we walked down towards the river when one of the other guests on the tour asked me what I thought of the picture she’d taken – lo and behold – there was a face seemingly on the picture, surrounded by orange blobs of light. Now, I’m a bit of a sceptic when it comes to these things and I believe, as Humans, we’re biologically programmed to make shapes out of seeming random patterns and that these shapes tend to resemble something that we know, even on a subconscious level (man on the moon, faces on Mars etc). Anyway, I shit thee not – it was a face! Excited by this, I took a number of photo’s to the side and behind, at random, in the hope of tricksing these spirits but alas, I didn’t get any – so sorry!

The main point of interest for me was the unconsecrated ground where a number of murderers who’d been hanged for their crimes were buried. It was a pretty large plot and the Cemetery had a crossroads there which was designed to fool the spirits of the unblessed dead and prevent them from finding their way back to civilisation and doing the ‘haunting’ business! Wicked!

So, invigorated by my ghostly experience, I went out and had a few beers for the dear departed!

Australia Zoo - Wednesday 28th June 2006 - aww yeah!

2006-08-13T18:00:00.000+10:00

Crikey mate - croc's rule!

Oh yes, it has to be done and you saw it here first! The Captain goes to meet Australia's most famous export!! Bex had kindly offered to take a day off work and we would savour some of Queenslands attractions. First on the list was 'Dreamworld' on the Gold Coast but due to the fact that it was school holidays, the idea sadly got binned. However, every cloud and all that... and it was off to Australia zoo. Luckily, Bex and Emma have a house just North of Brissy in a place called Morayfield, so I caught the train up there to meet Bex for about 6.30pm. Now, how cool is that? Bex and Emma had prepared a proper roast dinner - stars! Bloody lovely it was too. Unfortunately, Emma's boyfriend's Grandmother was teminally ill in hospital and Emma had to leave to be with him, so after dinner, Bex and I were left to drink the 2 bottles of red and bottle of port that was handy!! It was a lovely evening as Bex showed me some of the art work she'd drawn at university, including a very striking piece based on some massacres reported in the news that had happened in SE Asia around the time of her Degree. I have to say Bex, you have a lot of skill, I loved the drawings. Also, she showed me her 'scrap book', which again is a piece of art and is quite a big business here in Oz. Emma, she showed me yours as well - bless!! The thing that struck me was how different the styles and presentation were - both excellent but very diverse. Bex also has a more than passing interest in making her own jewellry and had some lovely, what I would call gothic style (like I know what the fack I'm talking about!!), necklaces. It reminded me of Lisa's mate Sam, who has also done her own jewellry and sells it too. There are some very creative people about. Most of all though, I was flattered and priviliged to know that someone felt they could share such personal stuff! Great.

Next day, with a slightly sore head, we mooched up to see Steve! In fact, the zoo staff were quite coy about whether he'd be there or not, which isn't surprising I guess, but I didn't mind, Australia Zoo is definitely worth a visit. In fact, I didn't know that this was where 'Harriet', the Galapagos Tortoise collected by none other than Charles Darwin was housed. It gave me a few moments of reflection to think I'd be seeing and meeting another living being that connected me to the founder of modern evolutionary theory - I'm a Darwinist before Creationist - so you can inagine my feelings when it turned out that Harriet joined Mr Darwin only 2 days before. Gutted!

God bless ya Harriet (I'm not really a creationist - but I'll hedge the bets! ;-0))

The zoo really is a special as it's designed to get you as close to the animals as possible in their natural habitat. As a result, you can walk through the Aviary's, koala areas, kangaroo sanctuary and there are staff walking around with animals that you can stroke or at least see. Great for kids and as I'm just a big kid...

Look at this blighter! The Captain meets Ali!

I was also well impressed with the shows they put on in the Amphitheatre where for the bird show, the birds fly around the area from keeper to keeper.

The tiger show was cool but we all wanted to see the crocs - ideally ripping one of the trainers arms from his socket for bein g too slow - what is it with human nature and Amphitheatres? First though we had to endure a nauseating show by Steve's daughter, Bindi, which was some song and dance routine and looked very contrived. I broke for a coffee!

This one's for you Jimmy - the weather cleared and I bought a bag of feed for the 'Roo's - they must be the best fed vermin in Oz! Anyway, this one liked me!

On our way out - I finally got to meet 'The Man'. Crikey mate! Actually, we saw him, but he was scooting along with his Son and didn't stop - bastard!! Nah, just kidding, great day out - great company too. Thanks Bex. xxx

Meeting up with Rebecca

2006-08-08T19:06:00.000+10:00

As I think I’ve mentioned, at Ben and Bianca’s wedding I met Ben’s cousins, Rebecca and Emma, who live near Brissy. Rebecca had offered to meet up for a few beers when I finally arrived and so this is what we planned for my first Saturday in Brissy. Rebecca met me in the afternoon and we spent a few hours touring the South Bank, missing the river ferries and what not before having a cheeky half pint in the Casino. I have to admit, the brief look in the Casino was a bit disappointing, not least because what I saw was a fairly small gambling hall and after having heard it called ‘Bris-Vegas’… well, I thought it’d be bigger!

It’s a great place to have a few sun-downers though and there was a band setting up in one of the main rooms – winner! First though, we needed to get the glad rags on and meet Bex’s mates, so off we tootled to Chez Kirk for the change of clothes then out to Rebecca’s mates gaff.

L-R: Dawn, The Captain and Bex.

In the event, there were the three of us on the beers: Rebecca, Dawn and myself. Lucky me to have two lovely lasses for company and after some shenanigans with the taxi we'd booked not turning up, we hit the town. Finding a boozer, whose name escapes me but it does great steaks, we settled in for a few sherbets and also watched the Australia v Ireland RU match, which to my disapppointment, Australia won. Didn't dampen the spirits though as we chatted our way through any number of subjects, including the old favourite - love and partners! It seems Dawn had been dealt some tough cards in the love game and was a bit unromaticised but I reckon that Bex and I managed to talk her round! Great getting some female perspective though and it reminded me of school, when on orchestra trips with the 'Ratton Players' we would have these similar conversations - except we were all much more innocent and less twisted then!

The night spread out to include a mad taxi ride with one of Dawn's lodgers after which we hit the Normanby Hotel - top boozer. I was pretty ragged by this point but for some reason we thought a final push to the Casino (open 24 hours you see!) was in order! My poor liver. You can tell my state by the fact that I thought this was a great photo!! Shame I couldn't take him out as a beer trophy!!

Cheers girls, great intro to Brissy!

Brissy - the history

2006-08-07T12:16:00.000+10:00

On my first full day off when I wasn't carrying a hangover I decided to follow the Lonely Planet tour of Brissy CBD, which kicks off at the Town Hall. The interesting thing about this was that at the Town Hall, they had an exhibition running charting the political development of Queensland (and Brissy in particular) since the 70's. I actually thought it'd be pretty boring but in fact it was a captivating exhibition as it records the development of Queensland from an apartheid style Police state to the enlightened and cheerful place it is today.

The thing that really moved me was how the State slowly introduced more and more draconian laws aimed at preventing freedom of speech, the right to demonstrate, the right to march and even, in some particular cases, the right to live in an individual's own neighbourhodd as they were hounded out by the undercover police. I guess the 70's was a time for all of the Western youth to find their collective voices but I really felt a chill reading about Queensland legislation aimed at preventing gatherings of more than 5 people in one place, no rights at all to march to or from any points as part of a demonstration - these bring to mind the UK Criminal Justice Act and also the new law aimed at the guy outside Westminster who's been demonstrating against our involvement in Iraq - in fact aiming quite a lot of his feeling at President Blair himself! I was left with a profound feeling of helplessness as Britain tries to rush in 'anti-terror' laws aimed at detaining people without charge for upto 3 months and what not and I really wonder where we are. In fact, as I write this blog today, I've just heard the news about the new brand of explosive shampoo and toothpaste found at Heathrow which will make interesting watching for the welcoming in of these 'terror laws'!

One video also stuck with me - which showed 4 coppers beating the living daylights out of a guy who looked like he'd tried to stop one of the coppers truncheoning a woman. Reminded me of some of the footage smuugled out of SA during Apartheid and also brought to mind that lass who was got in the way of the Police horse charge during the Poll Tax riots. We seem so close to anarchy don't we sometimes! In the end, the State Govmint had to resign because... they all had fingers in pies and in fact, the then Chief of Police ended up doing time!! Makes you feel good about the people we elect huh?! I guess this is why a lot of Aussies, especially over 40, seem to have a complete disregard for anything a Politician says. Fair dinkum mate!

Anyway, I felt sufficiently charged up to write this on the board downstairs. I really, in my heart of heats, want to believe our guys have our best interests at heart but what with history having a funny way of repeating!! In fact, the news here has recently been about ol' Howard and how he had a deal with his No. 2 to step down after a certain amount of time to let the other guy assume the mantle. This was in return for the other guys support at the time during the elections... sound familiar?! I also can't help thinking back sometimes on how, really, Bush is an illegal President - with the Supreme Court (mainly Republican was it?!) effectively stealing the Presidency from Al Gore by halting the Florida recount. Wonder how life might've been?! Anyway, I thought I'd put this in. It's a bit unfair on Stalin and what not but hey ho - they're no longer with us!

On a lighter note, almost all of the junction boxes in Brissy have been painted to make them look all arty-like! I saw a few I liked, but won't bore y'all. You get the picture!!

Bris-Vegas - some sights

2006-08-07T12:10:00.000+10:00

Saturday 24th June 2006

So here we are - Bris-Vegas! The weather was a scorcher and this is the view from one of the main bridges over the Brissy river. Have to say that Brissy looks great when you drive in - obviously much smaller than Sydney but still a sizable lump on the horizon what with the CBD buildings and what not!

I was meeting Rebecca for the night - she'd kindly offered to take me out and about so after ditching the van we met up at the Queens Street Mall and headed over the river to South Bank for a mooch through the old Expo site.

CBD from South Bank.

Knowing nothing about the history of it I thought it was pretty beautiful - well set up and looked after but apparently before the Expo in '98 it was a shithole (cue joke!). I could see it used to be an industrial area what with the docks and what not but obviously that's all gone now.

Loved the boat here - it does cruises up and down the river in old colonial style - but thought it looked lovely chugging up the river in the olde worlde fashion!

There's also a cheeky little maritime museum which, Baron you'll be pleased to note, I managed to get around in time! OK, so I had to wait until Brissy but hey - all's well that ends well!! Anyway, the 'thingummyjig' that I'm pointing at is in fact, the worlds smallest boat. Some Canadian guy designed and built it and sailed it to Oz! Great way to get a skilled migrant visa - win a Guinness World Record!!

One of the other things I love about Oz is the apparent understatement in life here....

'Can a bluebottle kill you?'...'Nah, but it hurts a bit...'

'Isn't it dangerous to swim here because of croc attacks?'... 'Nah, not really - the biggest risk tends to be if you're near the waters edge, but anyway, the last attack was three years ago so you're pretty safe...'

I suppose that with that in mind, it's not surprising to see the same penchant for understatement extend to warning signs.... This little beaut was one I spotted whilst out jogging:

Flood risk....4m? No shit - that's like an inland sea! Whoever said that Oz is experiencing a drought is lying - unless of course, it's that old Govmint favourite...'Wrong type of rain....'!!

Byron Bay - Sunday 18th June - Saturday 24th June

2006-08-06T21:10:00.000+10:00

SUNDAY 18th JUNE

Byron…. I’ve heard so much about this place – I was definitely looking forward to getting stuck in – the problem is though the frigging weather. Rain, rain and yup – you guessed it, more rain. The first caravan park I found was up near the lighthouse but the guy didn’t have any concrete plinths spare so I was parked on a muddy hillside with the rain hoying it down – so decided to bin it and try something more central. I wasn’t going to be able to cook. Luckily, there was a beachfront park with a slot – so that got snapped up. The other thing was that Fostralia were playing Brazil – a game I wanted to see and the thought of having to hike all that way back to the campsite at stupid o’clock didn’t appeal!

Sam had recommended a boozer called 'The Railway', had a good food menu and a band on so mooched into there - steak and chips - winner! I'd just settled down for a beer and the band when a lad came over and struck up conversation. I thought he was a bit odd, especially when he started asking if I was here by myself - to which I answered I was meeting some mates later etc etc. Anyway, his purpose was revealed when he started banging on about the King James bible. It rang a vague bell but took another 10 minutes before I twigged that this was 'The God Squad' - Jehovah's Witnesses. Just my luck. Anyway, I had time to burn so listened on and had a chat - it was quite enjoyable - especially when he told me we're in 'the end of days' and that the Angel's had sent him over! Anyway, I offered a deal - after he finished his spiel, we'd go out for a few beers and watch the footy later, which to my surprise he did! It turned out to be an OK, if slightly weird, night! Shame that Australia lost. I suppose actually that God did too, as I wasn't recruited - but nevermind!

Tuesday 20th June

Having recovered from a somewhat crippling hangover - I decided to make some arrangements to take up the time and booked a dive for today at Julian Rocks, which is about 800m from the main beach. I didn't know what to expect but it turned out to be a pretty cool dive and saw a load of Wobbegongs, or Carpet Sharks, which are a weird old shark to say the least! Very flat headed and very well camoflagued, once I knew what I was looking at they were everywhere! The other point of note was how choppy the sea was and we'd had to reach our dive site by an outboard Gemini which, whilst a cool little motor boat, are really susceptible to the swell so the ride out and back were very interesting! I've never been in 2m swells in such a small boat - Great fun!

Wednesday 21st June

Highlight of the trip - the Captain goes surfing! Wahey! I finally tried it and here's the proof! It took me a long while to get to this stage and that was on a long board, which are very stable bits of kit! I loved it though and I have to say it was facking knackering! Still, once bitten, twice as keen so will definately be catching this again!

The evening was a beaut (mate) and the forecast for the morning also pretty good. I was planning to get up at 5.30 and make it to the Lighthouse for the dawn. The Byron lighthouse is apparently the eastern most point of Oz so it had to be done. As it was, I was running late (typical!) but managed to get these shots in - beaut mate!

I hung around for a couple more days in the hope of making Mount Warning and pre-dawn climb there but alas, the weather wasn't going to let me so on Saturday I left for Bris-Vegas and a few beers with Rebecca and Emma from B & B's wedding! Winner! I did have time to fit in lunch on Friday and few beers in the evening with Sally who'd I'd met at Sam's in Lennox Heads - in the end, she couldn't make it out but she'd met some mates in the bar who were out partying so I tagged along with them. One of the guys has just done a year out as well travelling around Australia and gave me some great tips for the outback and NT - nicely done!

Anyway, onto Brissy!

Heading to Lennox...

2006-08-06T21:00:00.000+10:00

FRIDAY 16 JUNE

Yup – it’s the ‘Big Prawn’ of Ballina – cue: ‘Don’t come the raw Prawn with me sonny…’!!

So, poor old Sam, having to put up with me at Ben’s stag do and what not – he still kindly allowed me to stay with him in Lennox Heads – nice guy! Actually, the weather had been atrocious for the past few nights and the van wasn’t coping too well with the torrential downpour – so I was more than happy to decamp to a warm and dry house!!

Met Sam at the Lennox Hotel, which is his local – the weird thing is that I’d stayed at Lennox Heads Caravan Park both on my way North to Bris-Vegas to fly out to Thailand and also on the way back – but had never ventured into the boozer – now if I had, I’d’ve probably met Sam!! But for the grace of god….

Scooting in at 5 and it’s already jumping – I do love the Friday night vibe in places – a colleague once coined the phrase ‘weekend warrior’ and he’s so right!! A couple of scoops before getting off to Sam’s to get the glad rags on – the current plans being to head into Byron after a few at the Lennox Hotel! Apparently, the bar ‘Cheeky Monkeys’ in Byron is not to be missed…. Sam’s digs are pretty cool, right in the centre of Lennox – so handily situated – of course, Lennox is only about 100 metres long, so it’s a moot point really!!

In the actual event, we ended up staying in Lennox, which was fine because the band on was pretty fucking good, some great covers and the place is jumping. One of the things I do love here is that when a tune comes on: ‘Place yr Hands’, or ‘Centrefold’, everyone in the joint starts jumping about and acting like lunatics – I feel right at home!! Anyway, the place is going off so we decide to stay. In the event, I meet quite a few cool and interesting people – Sam seems to know everyone here – especially the chix – sly old dog!!

The only bummer is that the boozer closes at midnight, but Sam gets the rescue sorted out with a crate of beers over the counter after hours and so it’s back to Sam’s to drink ourselves stupid – as you can see from the photo’s.

This is Sally and her mate who we got chatting to at the pub - I had a useful mnemonic for remembering her name - but it obviously didn't work - oh wait - mint cake - Kendall, that was it!

One thing, Sam’s flat mate is really into crystals, so the flat has been inundated by them – but they do add a certain ambience. Showing my tigerstone, the lass gets a book out for me to read. The Tigerstone is ideal for men, travelling and allows the wearer to be more centred as it’s good for the ‘middle chakra’. I guess that’s good for my liver then!! Once more Amanda – thanks sweetheart – it’s a lovely and thoughtful gift – xxx. I’m thinking of getting the stone mounted so that I can wear it around my neck but think I’ll save that for Byron. There’s bound to be some new age store therewith a Hippy chic who can sort me out! With the necklace I mean!!

SATURDAY 17 JUNE

Saturday we promised ourselves that we’d go surfing but the weather was atrocious – it’s cold and absolutely pissing it down, so the day was spent watching some Dvd’s, which was actually pretty cool – except that my ripped copy of MI:3 didn’t seem to work too well. There’s always one!

This is Andy - he was in Lennox for work - top guy - really interesting and what he didn't know about music wasn't worth knowing!!

The evening was a repeat of last night, with the added bonus of the Cook Cup match. I was in two minds about wearing the England shirt considering how poorly we played last week and in the event, I made the right choice by not wearing it as we were once again a fucking embarrassment – we’re turning into the cricket team – wankers.

The band here were another pretty good outfit, with the lead singer a pretty laconic middle-aged rocker type! They were part way through ‘Jailbreak’ by ACDC when I remarked to Sam that they could do with a bit more showmanship. I reckon the singer must’ve heard me because at that moment he decided to play the guitar behind his head!! I’ll shut up then!

SUNDAY 18th JUNE

My first surfing lesson!! Sam and I nipped out for half an hour before brekkie for a quick balloon about. The sea was pretty calm, with some bigger breakers ‘out the back’!! I didn’t go out too far as I was having a few issues – namely, being too heavy for the board and sinking it!! That said, I did manage to stand up for about half a second! It’s actually quite hard work this surfing as you are effectively doing a push-up every time you try and get up to surf! I enjoyed it though and I’ll certainly take it up in Byron. The remainder of the day was nice and chilled – Sam’s got an excellent collection of music, so spent a couple of hours cutting a load of music onto the I of Pod. Cheers mate!

Trial Bay and SouthWest Rocks

2006-07-17T21:37:00.000+10:00

SUNDAY 11th JUNE

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end and so my sojourn here had also come to an end. The trip to the airport was uneventful, although I had to leave the first Australia vs England RU test at half time to catch the cab. At that point, we’d looked quite good, so you can imagine my surprise when I caught the score and Australia had humped us. I’m becoming embarrassed to admit being a follower of English Rugby – it’s becoming like the cricket!

The flight back was uneventful with the exception of a massive thunderstorm that we flew through about 2 hours south of Bangkok – the storm clouds rose on three sides around the plane, with the right hand side of the ‘square’ empty, so it appeared as if we flew through the centre of the 3-sided square formed! Within the clouds, the lightening cracked and flashed, travelling from the bottom layer across, up the side and exploding in the cloud layer above us. I asked to go up to the cockpit to see the storm, but needless to say, the backward twats that did the twin towers ruined any chance I had! I did consider pleading that I was an honest Christian, Guv, but then so is Bush Jnr and he’s the biggest danger to World Peace on the planet so I figured I was thwarted! It seemed like I was looking onto some smoke or mist shrouded blacksmiths, or even welding bays – when we are able to tap a storm’s power – we’ll be well in – hopefully we’ll have more than just capacitors to store the excess charge!

Coming into Oz, I was disturbed to see that the whole coastline appeared covered by clouds so lo-and-behold, on landing, rain and bad weather everywhere! Bugger – how much can change in 11 days huh.

Anyway, the next task was a swift scoot to Trial Bay / SouthWest rocks, which I reached Tuesday morning….. and the sun was out – hurrah.

Trial Bay was so called for the experimental penal colony based there that was designed to help those convicts nearing the end of their sentences to learn a trade, save some money and be integrated back into the community. Despite the fact that apparently not one of the discharged convicts re-offended, the scheme was deemed a failure, presumably on account of the breakwater that wasn’t completed to shelter the bay.

The jail made a brief renaissance during WW2 – when ze Germins and other ‘undesirables’ were incarcerated there but following the War, the jail has lapsed to it’s current state.

Situated on a bluff overlooking the bay, the spot has some wonderful views out into the Pacific and one can apparently see the Humpback Whales as they migrate North. Unfortunately, I didn’t see any but there are better opportunities apparently further North – maybe Fraser Island.

This one's for you Jimmy - the blighter was less than 10m from me!

JB's 50th - The Birthday singers!

2006-07-13T18:16:00.000+10:00

So this was me doing a Robbie number... yup - I was trolleyed!

This is JB singing 'Blaydon races'!

JB's 50th - LoS

2006-07-13T17:54:00.000+10:00

WEDNESDAY 31 MAY

Three weeks ago, JB had sent me an e-mail inviting me to his 50th birthday, which was in Thailand. I had been ‘umming’ and ‘ahhing’, thinking about money and that I should be doing my travels, but to be honest, I’d been finding the last few weeks quite hard and had been close on a couple of occasions to binning the trip – although I didn’t really want to just stuff it and leave. It was Port MacQuarie that decided it for me – I’d been there a couple of days and had been flirting with the idea of going to Thailand – checking flights and what not. I thought I’d mull it over with a bottle of Vino and a nice meal so off I went to a Thai restaurant. It started raining and I ended up having some of the worst service out!! I cunningly asked the waitress to take the photo and I decided that was it – the ticket was booked the next day!! I just had to drive up to Bris-Vegas in 3 days and fly out. So, that was it – up early the next morning, I caned over 500 klicks and stayed the night in Lennox Heads, before driving the remaining 2 hours on Tuesday and staying near the airport for a 3pm flight on Wednesday. There’s a lot to be said for feeling better once a decision is made and I thoroughly enjoyed my drive up. There were a number of stops I was missing – Trial Bay / Byron etc, but I decided I’d drive back down after the Thailand holiday and ‘redo’ them. Of course, I needed to catch Sam as well, he wasn’t getting away with that!!

Check-thru and the wait were pretty easy and an added bonus was that I’d be catching the opening games of the World Cup with only a 5 hour difference in time and in a place where there truly is 24 hour drinking!! Get in there!

I’d arranged a taxi pick-up from Domuang to Pattaya – it’s crazy – the guy would drive from Pattaya to the airport – pick me up and take me to Pattaya via the Express route for half the price of the taxi’s that you collect at the airport. The downer was that it was monsoon season and the driver seemed a bit nervous! I’ve driven in heavy rain before but that was scary – especially when the guy nearly ploughed into the back of a truck which had no tail-lights! Oh yeah, there was a guy driving the wrong way down the Expressway towards us! After that, I decided to just shut my eyes and pray!! The bonus on arriving was finding that Johnny and Phat were still up in the bar having a few ‘pre-opening’ beers – so it’d be rude to not join them! A good night, I even got up and sang a couple of songs!

One of the things I love about Thailand is the golf – it’s a completely under-discovered place for golf – off the beer, out getting a sun tan and playing sport as well – how much more healthy do you need a holiday to be?!! Of course, Thursday, I had the small matter of a hangover to deal with, but with 2 hour Thai massages for an ‘Ayrton’, there’s no better way – other than a swim in the pool….

Jimmy, Dominique and Janie, Jimmy's wife.

Working in Russia, John’s brother, Jimmy, was there too – another good lad, Geordie – who is the only Geordie I know that can sing all of the ditty ‘Off to Blaydon Races’! Hadn’t seen Jimmy since I was over about 4 years ago (where does time go to?) so the catch-up was good there at John’s birthday bash. Also, John’s daughters – Danielle and Dominique were just a couple of teenage kids when I last met them and now they’re women grown. I won’t upset ya JB by commenting on how attractive they are ;-0)

Part of the gang!

John’s birthday night was a party of note – I’d been out with an Irish and Scouse lad, Keith and Lee, for some beers and pool in the afternoon and the food JB had laid on at the party was just what I needed! Like most parties in Thailand, it was an excessive affair!

Dave, JB and 'Burger'! On account of his fondness for 'Le Big Mac'!

Good to meet a few on John’s mates as well – some fellow divers and golfers – sorted!

The rest of the holiday was spent either by the pool or on the beach as I struggled with the reasons for my trip out here and tried to recapture my aim of what I was looking to achieve here on my travels – my time leading up to Port MacQuarie had kind of knocked the enthusiasm out of me – I mean – there must be more to Oz than a load of (admittedly nice) beaches! I need a Project – something to work on – a goal to aim for…..;-0)

Port MacQuarie...

2006-07-07T21:24:00.000+10:00

This is me, myself and I enjoying a thai meal in Port MacQuarie. This place is so 'happening', that I saw 'X-Men 3' and 'The Da Vinci code' at the Cinema... On the same day...

How else can I put it...?

IT'S SHIT - DON'T COME HERE!!!!

Neil - now you know why I read that 'Game of Thrones' series so quickly!!

Crowdy Bay National Park and Dunbogan

2006-07-07T21:15:00.000+10:00

THURSDAY 25 MAY

Following the State of Origin, I have to say that the ol’ head was pounding a wee bit, but I struggled manfully on! I decided to swing inland a bit, to see Taree and the first of Australia’s ‘BIG’ things – in this case – the BIG Oyster! I actually also considered staying the night, but one look at the place as I passed through convinced me I shouldn’t! On passing the BIG Oyster, I saw that it was now a car dealership – and a ropey one at that!! It really just served to confirm I’d made the right decision, so off I tootled to Crowdy Bay.

This area is a national park and you depart from the Pacific Highway some 40 klicks south – rejoining the Highway, via Dunbogan was marked by a dashed line on the map, which I took to mean that there was a path… of sorts! I didn’t fancy an eighty klick detour!! Anyway, Crowdy Bay is beautiful – little lighthouse on the peninsular and I reckon about 10 miles of sandy beach connecting Crowdy point to Diamond Head point, near Dunbogan. Alas, there was no caravan park, so I had to chance the ‘dotted line’. It was a road, but unsealed and for 26 klicks had to listen to the cutlery banging out their own staccato beat for the trip – my hangover was loving it!! Never has 26K seemed like 260!! Trudi had written me a list of ‘to dos’ and ‘must sees’ for my trip ‘oop Nor’ and I noticed that one of the ‘must sees’ had listed Crowdy Bay as a good spot to see some Kangaroo’s scooting about. I pulled off at Kylie Campsite … and I also stopped there – what do I see?

Say hello – the little fella wasn’t even phased by the car and there were loads around the campsite. I was tempted to stay but I really wanted a hot shower now and so it was more ‘rough and ready’ track to get to a caravan park.

Pulling in at Diamond Head, the Reception had free DVD’s which you can borrow, so I took out X-Men 2, to brush up on my ‘Mutant News’ prior to seeing X-Men 3 at the cinema some time – whose side will you be on indeed!! It turns out that this caravan site is where Neil’s folks, Ron and Sue, live. Winner – so I pestered the poor couple and arranged to meet them Friday night – for a BBQ! Waytago – Kirky’s first Aussie BBQ.

FRIDAY 26 MAY

Managed another cheeky run this morning along the beach and also got in for a swim. The sea had plenty to say this day and I got thrown about quite a bit!! The main task of the day was beer, snags and rabbit food for the BBQ, so I set off with gusto to get things sorted. Laurieton is a small little town, one main high street where I imagine that everyone knows everyone - either that or I’m becoming paranoid as everyone is looking at me!! It’s not until I go for a coffee that the lass kindly points out I’ve got bird poop on my shoulder and chest!! No wonder I thought it was the ‘Village of the Damned’!!

The BBQ was good – Ron, Sue and I had a good natter – poor Ron though was suffering from ‘Carbuncles’. Now, I dunno what they are but they sounded very painful – every time Ron moved, he grimaced in pain – or maybe it was my conversation!! None-the-less, good catch up again!

Seal Rocks and Foster

2006-07-07T21:01:00.000+10:00

Whilst Fill, the Baron and I were driving up to Foster for Neil and Troods wedding, we stopped here to meet James and Dana so I knew this was a lovely beach spot. Unfortunately, as the lads had just arrived from the UK and were in the car straight from the airport so we didn't really have much time to look around. That said, I knew there was a nice caravan park there for starters!

I arrived mid-afternoon and took the bike out for a look around. I like to do this in new places as it lets me get my bearings. The area is great for surfing and I'd been told the view from the Lighthouse was spectacular. Certainly, the area was great. Here you can see where the sea had cut through the cliff face and washes around the back - tide coming in. Reminded me of those movies where the intrepid explorers row their boat into a narrow cleft in - smuggler style!!

I also found a camping area called Camp Tribulation - but it was a shithole - looked more like a haunted forest than anything. That said, the beaches on the far side were fantastic, with massive breakers and it was secluded too.

This is sunset as viewed from the Lighthouse - you could see right across the bay towards Foster/Tuncurry.

I think this is the rock that gives the area it's name - nice and seal-like huh!!

Foster

I'd been to Foster before with Lisa when we were boyfriend / girlfriend and Lisa's Mum, Lynnie lives here. Also, Troods folks, Muriel & Rex, live here too and so I couldn't go through without saying hello! It's funny, I was a bit nervous catching up with Lynnie because Lisa and I have kicked things into touch, but when I caught up with her at Neil and Trood's wedding, she was fine so I felt much better about it. We met nice and early, about 10 o'clock and to my surprise and pleasure, we spent nearly 3 hours chatting away and shooting the breeze. It was a really positive experience, especially as my own Mother has been, and still is, very unaccepting and unfriendly about and towards many of my partners - it was refreshing to see that there could be a nice chat and catch up without any pressure from the situation - Cheers Lynnie!

It was also great to catch up with Muriel and Rex too, although as fate would have it, Muriel was off to treat Lynnie's Mum for carpal tunnel syndrome with her healing so we could only grab a quick lunch and chat for about an hour or so - although Muriel and Rex could spare me some of their maps which was very much appreciated.

The good news with Muriel having to leave was that I could have a good waffle with Rex. I didn't have the opportunity to say more than a 'hello' at the wedding so the hour or so we had was good fun. Rex has had a very busy life and his stories are brilliant - I wish we had a beer to two to soak up the time but it wasn't to be. The sad thing for Rex is that he's losing his sight now and his favourite hobby, fishing, has now been taken away from him. The other casualty is the love of caravanning that Rex and Muriel have, which due to Rex's eyesight they can't do. It's such a shame as he's still a pretty vibrant and ballsy guy. It's very humbling to realise how the loss of a major sense can have such an effect on your life. Unfortunately, I think Rex's condition is degenerative, but I hope and pray that things will improve.

State of Origin 1

'What's this?' I hear you ask. 'This' is the biggest Rugby League series in Oz, bar none I believe. It's played between Queensland and New South Wales and is as ferocious, if not more so, than competitive internationals. These guys just aim to hit the opposition as hard as possible!! I'd never seen one of these before and was I in for a treat!! Watching in the local RSL, I got chatting with a couple of lads who proceeded to fill me in on the background. Unfortunately, I'd missed the 'TAB' for a bet, so my new friend kindly offered me an 'Pam Shriver' that Queensland would score more than NSW in the first half. I took that and lost, as NSW aced the first half 14-0!! Feeling reckless, I offered an 'Ayrton Senna' that Queensland would hump NSW 2nd half - which they did!! 16-3. The end result was 17-16 to NSW - a closely fought game and the Captain was up a fiver!! My new mates loved the slang for fivers and tenners!!

So, all in all, only a horror hangover to negotiate the next day...! Off to see Neil's folks now - the poor blighters!!

Nelson Bay

2006-07-07T20:55:00.000+10:00

Sunday 21 May

A beautiful drive up the coast to Port Stephens / Nelson Bay - very popular area for weekend breaks and on getting there I can see why. Not overly developed it's a small seaside resort kind of town, with a lovely feel to it and nearby is Broughton Island, which is a penguin and wild bird sanctuary and is also apparently mega-great for scuba.

The beaches here were great for a cheeky run and this is the beach where I planned my Monday morning run - Jimmy take note!!

With it being Sunday, everything was closed but I resolved to be up early and on the case - there's that boat trip to be had!

As Monday ushered itself in, I attacked the day with new vigour - managing 40 minutes today - and a swim - it's a beaut (mate!). You can imagine how fucked off I was when I discovered that not only were there no scuba dives planned until next weekend but there were also no boat trips until the season picks up. I mean, come on - I couldn't get into the Caravan Park! But nope - zilch - zippo. Mind you, got a cracking fish supper.

The sunset was nice!

I had contemplated binning it in the afternoon and heading on to Foster but I decided to get another early start on Tuesday. That said, I'm glad I did because just after sundown, there was the world's biggest thunderstorm!! Believe me, when it goes off here it goes off. Eleanor - you'd've loved it! For me, I just hoped it wasn't Armageddon! Tuesday morning found me in a foul mood from lack of sleep - Seal Rocks - you'd better deliver!

One thing really pissing me off is the lack of signal in some of these places - makes keeping the blog and texting a right chore!

Gannin' doon Toon...

2006-06-29T21:36:00.000+10:00

FRIDAY 19 MAY

So here we are... Haway!!

I figured that after tonight, the rest of my weekend would be a boozed up write off, so best to get my sight seeing done today. First things first though is a coffee at ‘Gloria’s’. God I love that place!! Got me own loyalty card and everything… (SAF!!) I developed this habit of enjoying a coffee and watching the rather interestingly dressed world stroll past in Newtown and I plan to continue it here! The first thing that strikes me is how pretty the lasses are, although their dress is different from the ‘Ugg booted, short skirted whore’ look of Sydney. There’s more flamboyant handbag here and lots more stocking/nettings efforts going on!! Obviously today is a ‘Leg’ day!!

Isn't it a beaut (mate) - not the type you see in the UK though!!

There’s a heritage walk here in Newcastle, which takes the interested traveller around the harbour front and up to Fort Scratchley, via the Convict lumberyard – which has apparently been excavated and is the only example of such remaining in Oz. The Convicts were worked 14-18 hours a day and were locked up in small rooms, with no heating and the rats for Company apparently.

“Luxury. When I was a boy…..!”

Newcastle was a place for the naughty boys of Sydney, so it was supposed to be hard. Poor laddies.

I also scoped the boozers here, as there a nice number of them stretching from near Fort Scratchley along King Street to the next Borough. Like most Aussie bars / Hotels, they look ropey as hell in the daytime but I was confident the night would reveal their inner charm!

Newcastle as a whole is a clash of the old-style frontier type of Australia – 2/3 story buildings, bad colour schemes and peeling paint – and the new glass fronted buildings, with a kind of Italian style brick façade which oddly works. What I liked most of all is the industrial look given to the city centre with the riveted style wrought iron walkway between the Quay and the Centre which crosses the main railway line and the various ‘industrial-style’ sculptures and structures – you can tell there has been some money spent here. There’s also a good vibe to the place as well – which you can’t knock!!

Beer o’Clock

I’m meeting the girls, Julie-Ann and Sarah-Jane, at the Brewery for 7pm. However, I noticed, when scoping it out ‘this arvo (mate…)’ that there was a Happy Hour between 5pm and 7pm – As my mate Porl would say ‘Up here for thinking, down there for dancing..!’, so I caught the ferry over for 6pm! A bit of the old Dutch courage wouldn’t go amiss I reckoned. Anyway, about 6.30, these two lasses walk in, dressed very demurely with no hint of thigh or ‘vidge’. Not normally my cup of tea (‘cos they’re, like, women yeah?!), but worth a gawp.

L-R: Sarah-Jane, 'Mick' and Julie-Ann.

You can probably guess the rest; eye contact, chat, turns out it’s Sheila’s 2 daughters!! Small world huh?! We all clicked quite well, which is a relief as neither of them was as pushy as Mum! I was worried if they were, I’d’ve been running for the door pretty quickly. All in all, I have to say it was a cracking night, they took me to a few bars, mainly at the Town end, but there were 2 I’d missed on my tour – both of which were quite trendy, dancy and wall-to-wall totty!! Always a winner. Alas though, like Cinderella, I had to ‘make like a tree and leaf’ at midnight, in my case to avoid the pricy ‘Pumpkin’ of a 48km taxi ride. I suppose I could’ve played dumb and fallen on the girls mercy but as they both still lived at home… We did arrange a knee’s up on Saturday night, as there were quite a few of them heading out for an ‘all-nighter’, which, had I been less pissed, would have prompted many musings but as it was , I managed a drunken ‘Grrrrargh, tomorrrrrra’ and skedaddled! I did briefly wonder what happened to people who passed out on the Ferry, but managed to get to the stern for some air, so all was well!!

SATURDAY

Coming to about 10 o’clock, I discovered that some selfish twat was pumping out some Drum ‘n’ Bass quite loudly – ‘doof, doof, doof’. After shouting ‘Turn that crap down’ and ‘Shut that fucking noise up’ a couple of times and getting progressively louder, I realised it was in my head. In fact, it was my head – shit – that’s bad!! I now discovered the real shit about being across the river from the main centre. I had to get over there for a fry up as there was nowhere this side of the river. Yesterday, catching the ferry was cool, today it was a real bitch!! Anyway, I could bore you all on my hangover, but you all know what they’re like, so I can fast forward to the night out…. Heh heh.

Actually kids, there’s not as much to report this night as I’d overdone it so much on the Friday that I again caught the last ferry home! Have to say though that it was cool meeting up with the chix that way and I’ll always have fond memories of Stockton after winning that beer ‘condom’!! ;-0)

Fookin Wae-Aye Mon - Oz style...

2006-06-29T21:23:00.000+10:00

MONDAY 15 MAY

So, my first strike out North – but first, a big thanks to Amanda – what a sweetheart – she’d gone to the effort of buying me a little ‘Captain’s going away goody bag’!! Replete with my Bag buddy, some beer ‘condoms’, a thermal coffee mug (yay!), a VB Slab of rock double CD (how cool is this girl?!) and a big bag of mints – waytago! The gift that touched my heart the most was a big tiger stone that Amanda gave me – it’s a beautiful polished stone that is good for men and for travellers – it’s such a touching and thoughtful present – thanks Amanda – I’m very touched – xxx.

So, thus armed with my goodies and all the necessary bits ‘n’ bobs that Neil and Troods were kind enough to spare – The Captain hits the road as far as…..Cove River Park!! I’d left a bit late, so decided to get somewhere local that was near the Pacific Highway and so get an early start in the morning. Have to say that despite this place being pretty smack bang in the centre of Sydney, you wouldn’t know it once you were there – the beauty of National Parks! There are loadsa walking and cycling trails here along the river and so that was the morning exercise taken care of! Just as I’m brewing up a cup of ‘char’, the world’s BIGGEST caravan pulls up. This thing is so big, the guy is towing a new Suzuki Vitara behind it on a towing arm! I mean, this guy must have SERIOUS penis issues. Eiher that or he hates his Wife and needs to have a whole separate house in the van!! She was actually quite chatty, truth be told, so dunno what the issue was. Maybe he was a Government Official newly retired and had to spend all the back-handers….! It was a BFV!! Great when you can make up wild stories about people huh?!

Tonight was also a first for me in that I met my first Possum, up close and personal. This thing was so tame that it came right up to me and, holding onto my trouser leg, stood up on its hind legs – imploring me for food (Honest – I know what ‘Eek-eek-eek’ is in Possum!). Flabbergasted! Didn’t have the camera ready and the bugger was on my leg but it was there – wow.

TUESDAY

Spoke with Andrew Clouting today and he’s about in Sydney having resigned his current shite job. Unfortunately we’d missed each other at the weekend and so we arranged to hook up tomorrow for beers and a watch of the Danny Green vs Anthony Mudine! An all Oz Super-Middleweight bout no less!

WEDNESDAY

Out to meet Andrew in Cronulla – site of the now infamous ‘Lebbo’ bashing and the white ‘reclaim the beaches’ riot…! Phew, heady stuff. Bonus for me was to get a Caravan site for $15….. YUP – FIFTEEN buckaroonies! How cheap is that? Cheap!!
Anyway, Mudine won on points, I won a fiver from Andrew’s mate and got a belly full of ale down my neck – winner!

THURSDAY

This is it folks, my trip to Noo-Cas-Ell man!! Off at a very sedate 11am and a nice little scoot up to Newcastle – staying in Stockton no less – it’s pretty cool to have lived and worked in some of these places in the UK and then go out on the beers in their namesakes in another Country! This is the view from the cockpit over Lake MacQuarie.

Now, for those of ya that don’t know, Stockton is over the river from Newcastle and one catches the passenger ferry either way – the car is driven around via a very impressive bridge, entailing a detour of 46km. (Mental note – DON’T miss the last ferry….!). However, I was shattered after my crazily long 2 hour drive from Cronulla so I decided to take it easy and go to the local boozer, the Boatrower’s Arms, to take advantage of the 20% discount on evening munchies given to me by the Caravan Park – gotta watch those cents now right!!

Newcastle - Fort Scratchley - from the Stockton Bight - wooooo!

There's also a seawall running out from the Stockton headland in order to protect the shipping entering the river mouth. There had been that many shipwrecks, that the wrecks themselves have been incorporated into the seawall - cool huh?!

The abundance of wildlife is really something - this 'cormorant' was actually f'king enormous! Showing of its muscles to the local chix presumably!!

The other (dubious) advantage of living in Hicksville is that there always seems to be stuff on and 'Wouldyabelieveit' – there’s a quiz on that night – so I decide, on a whim, to enter. Team name, ‘Me, myself and I’!! Not my best, but it will suffice and so off we go. Two questions came up:

1] Who is the highest ever RU try scorer of all time?
2] Who is the highest ever RU points scorer of all time?

Oh yes! I got them both – do YOU know who they are? Anyway, apparently only 2 teams got question 1 right and only 1 got number 2, which was of course me…. So I win a Boatrowers Arms Hotel beer ‘condom’!! Imagine the Quiz Master’s disgust when he heard my Pommie accent!! He started to bag the other teams for not getting that and so, thanks to him drawing attention to me, when I next got up to the bar, I was accosted by Sheila (No kidding, this was her name!!) – who was a local and there with her friends. After failing to enrol me into her team, she started trying to tee me up with some of the chix in the bar, before finally deciding I was a ‘good egg’ and promptly ringing her 2 daughters up and telling them they were taking a ‘guest’ out in Newcastle tomorrow night – Waytago!! Ladies can you ever imagine your Mum’s arranging a blind date with me?!! Got quite puddled that night – still not quite sure if that’s due to fear or shock, but there you go!!

Party time Part 2!!

2006-06-29T10:37:00.000+10:00

After the meal - the frivolities! We were off to meet Adrian and Kirsten for a few more sherbets, as if we needed more but actually, I think we all did!!

L-R: Adrian, Kirsten and Troodles! And before you ask, I'm as non-plussed as the lovely Kirsten - I've NO idea why Adr and Troods look like that.... UNLESS..... it was that song from 'Pulp Fiction'....? I'm looking at Adrian here....!

The remainder of the night was,frankly, excellent. Loadsa beers drunk and much stupid and inane dancing... as demonstrated here... This is Duane demonstrating his Robot Dance!! Don 't ask, but 'Kin' hilarious it was too!!

Kirsten was also modelling a T-shirt for her band - Pinky Tuscadero's? That right Kirsten? Anyway, she's the drummer - how coolio is that? The band are playing next week in town, so hopefully will get to that for a few sherbets!! Bound to be a top night and that's a pun on 'top' because it's in a Gay Bar.... 'I'm gonna take you to a Gay Bar...' I get my introductory visit to Oxford Street at last!!

The Gang: L-R: Adrian, Peel, Captain, Troodles and Tim.

I love this picture for Adrian, he was on top form that night - normally a fairly quiet and reserved laddy who occaisionally exhibits a gregarious side was on full 'Gregarious' mode this night - top drawer. It's either that, Coke or E, but whatever, Adrian turned up to party in a big way and it was class!!

This was towards the end of the night, so we're the stragglers - Duane has put in a good stag - and Amanda has held up well! (Actually, Amanda is a class act - she can drink me under the table - mind you, I've had to put her to bed (just once mind!!) - so I reckon we're squits!!). Top Alcho goes to Neil - he'd been on the drink all day with the lads playing war games!! Watago mate!!

Party time - Kirky's leaving do...!

2006-06-29T10:24:00.000+10:00

Saturday

Did I mention that I thought Newtown was a pretty cool joint? I managed to book this Turkish/Lebenese restaurant. Downstairs it looked like a sh1tehole, but upstairs was where it was all at. Two rooms, with the reclined seats that you relax at cross-legged with the 1 foot high tables. There was to be a belly dancer as well - so the scene was set. Neily and Scott were murdering each other in Wargames. Adrian was out watching Rugger league with Kirsten. Troods and I debated the merits of attending an anti-Iran invasion rally before electing to nurse our hangovers and the scene was set!

Fred had just moved into a new gaff in Bondi with a German Widow in her thirties (you SLUT Fred, how do ya do it?!). His only competition an Alsatian... Fred had a very nice manner with me in South Merton and I'm sure it extends to other well trained animals!!

Actually, those of ya that know me won't be surprised to discover that I turned up on time! Of course, this was despite not having to pick Fred up in the new ''van of camp''. I was also picking the lovely Amanda up as well and despite getting lost in the (facking) one way systems, got there in a fairly timely manner. Giving Amanda and Owen the tour causes some concerns for Owen but Amanda is happy to take the co-pilots seat - waytago - and off we chug merrily to the restaurant!

After everyone is in and we've ordered a delicious looking buffet meal, the belly dancer gets in - ta da. I'd discovered that the table next to us is there for one of the lads birthdays - 32 as well - bless! The dancer comes in looking like what can only be described as a red dalek! This is dropped and then the belly wobbling begins. The girl is excellent actually and she drags birthday boy up for some humiliation! My group, led by Fred (cheers mate), are shouting for me to go up and so I do! Fred is howling at me - fit to split his sides and fair play - he gets up with Trudi and dances with the belly dancer. I'd like to say 'white men can't dance' but I reckon I was better.... ;-0)

The food was absolutely delicious and came out at regular intervals for consumpting!! Providing plenty of time for us to entertain ourselves. Fred's mate - Dave - demonstrates his 'tarantula' party trick for us! And he was such a quiet and polite lad at first... The demon booze!

This is the birthday boy and the leaving do boy - Birthday boy is newly married and they've a new addition to the family on the way! Congrats mate.

Afters? We met up with Adrian, Kirsten and gang.... Coming?

Second attempt at the Bluey's

2006-06-29T10:15:00.000+10:00

So my first trip here was with Jimmy, Danz, Fill and the Baron and really was a fleeting stop - a quick squiz at the lookout towards the three Sisters and then lunch at a Katoomba Cafe. It's funny, my memories of that trip were of Fill panicking because he couldn't get hold of Ang and had been out of touch with her for about 2 days - I think he was fearing the worst - she'd met some nice, god-fearing Septic.... but then back he comes, all brightness and light, so he obviously was getting met in Japan!! Bless! And to think you thought we didn't notice!

So, this time, I figured I'd have a week there between the lovely meal that Neil and Trudles treated me too and my leaving p*ss-up next Saturday - Wahey! The first issue is to find a Caravan Park though as the one at Katoomba, which is 2 minutes from the major walk start points is closed due to prblems with the showers. The guy is really helpful and recommends I contact a campsite in Blackheath and stay there. The only problem is that it's 10 minutes drive away and now I'll need to pay for parking in the morning....

Have to say that night is the coldest I've experienced since being here in Oz - frost on windscreen and I had to sleep in a beanie and jumper! I need a pillow friend!! ;-0). Applications on a postcard please...!

TUESDAY

Anyway, up nice and early, 7am, with a view to being there before 9am..... and the van won't start! I thought the facking thing was mechanically sound.... So, after kicking the proverbial cat I managed to drag myself up to the overland station, where the trains are running once an hour... so get on the 9.15. It's a 20 minute walk from the train station to the 'jump off' point and so you get the picture... I start my walk at about 10.30am, absolutely fuming. I kid you not, I checked out that the fully comp insurance cover was valid for electrical fires as my mood was that dark, I could see the van having a toaster accident. They were selling toasters for 5 bucks at this 'dollar store'!! I could also see a certain gentleman from Kings X motors having a late night accident but once I got on the walking trail, my mood lightened. The pix don't actually do the scenery justice but it was really beautiful down there.

My first stroll was to 'skyworld', where I descended to the valley floor alongside the Katoomba Falls. As you can see, they were more of a dribble, but the whole area smelled rich and peaty - I'm sure people will know the smell I'm trying to describe. The animal and insect sounds getting louder as the machinery humming of the skyworld trains and lifts receded was also unbelievable. Part of this descent, called the Furber Steps, was originally put together by the first groups of Whitey's who'd managed to find a route through the Blue Mountains. I was reading a sad tale that there were no living Aboriginals left here as disease had preceded White Settlers and it was thought the tribes here had succumbed.

This walk was 'beautiful' (mate). I got caught up in a group of school children near the bottom of the steps and got chatting to a couple of the teachers - friendly race these teachers - why's that Amanda?! They were sharing their knowledge of the area with me, having brought the trip out from Liverpool. I explained that my mate was from Liverpool and that the city's a sh1te-hole and they agreed that so is the Aussie version. History repeating itself Fill?! I asked if crime was expecially bad there, but apparently, they just have a really high proportion of dole bludgers. Nothing new there then!

On the Valley floor I was able to get a move on and with the sun being where it was, the impression of being in a twilight world was quite strong. Enjoyably, there were very few people doing the walk here and so I was alone for up to an hour at a time. Stopping for lunch was my next issue, but I didn't want to sit down in the cool, dank part. It was then I came up and saw the path explode into light - again the picture doesn't do it justice but it felt like coming up for air! I see now what is meant when they say humans wouldn't survive a nuclear winter without the sun. Just around here, I was able to find a little route to climb down 10 metres or so and thus bask in the sun while enjoying my sarnies - beaut mate!

It was a pretty short walk from here to the Giants Steps, which leads up the back of the 3 Sisters to the top. 823 steps and they're like climbing up the steps on a ship - I felt every single one. Knackered ain't the word! That said, when I staggered back into Blackheath, I didn't fancy torching the van, so there were some bonuses. Neil and Troods had recommended I try the Ivanhoe pub in Blackheath for a bite to eat - which I did, but was so tired, I was in bed for 9pm. Not tired enough though as it rained... and rained.... and rained......! I thought the van was gonna buckle under the impact. Come the morning, I was as cheery as the previous day...!

WEDNESDAY

Luckily the weather cleared up pretty quickly and so did my mood, as today was an early start to get out to the 'Ruined Castle'. They reckon it was an 8 hour walk, so I wanted to see how I would manage! First though, the walk took me along the old coalmining works which were a site to see. The pits were all open-cast seams but they'd had a lot of accidents with mini-rockfalls. The interesting thing was that I'd be following the old railway line to the Golden Steps along which the pit ponies hauled the coal. This is one of the old mine entrances.

This walk was far more arduous, as at one part, the path had disappeared in a rockfall and so there was a fair bit of scrambling over loose scree and around some large boulders - wicked. Felt just like a kid again! After this, the path became quite settled and followed the line of the cliff's for about 2 hours. The walk here was very nice, much like yesterday with the smells etc. The only wierd thing was at 2 points along the trail, the animal and insect sounds stopped completely - there was nary a peep - and I wasn't sure why that was. It's wierd, after a while, you're so used to the noise of the jungle around you that you only notice it when it's not there! The other really noticable thing was how the vegetation and sounds changed as I descended to the valley floor. It became alot more swampy and the tree's were taller and not as close together. The walk to the ruins was nice though, with the last 30 minutes of climbing hard work. Worth it though, here's the magnified view back to the 3 Sisters which was my starting point.

After a nice spot of lunch, the long road back, on which 2 Magpies accompanied me as they obviously felt I should be sharing some of the sandwiches with them! It's always amazing how easy a walk is on the return leg when you know how far it is and I really got motoring back, wanting to get the leg bashed out in under 2 hours. As I was rounding an outcrop of rock prior to the rockfall, the sun threw this view, which was again, spectacular, but you can have a look anyway and decide!

Met a group of 6 ladies here as well, where one of them had sprained her ankle. They didn't know about the rockfall ahead and I tried to advise them how heavy going it was and to be careful. There was the usual group Dragon - 'I've been here 29 million, thousand hundred times' etc etc and started telling me about this hike she'd done.... I felt a bit rude cutting her off with an 'OK - you'll have no worries. I found some parts hard but that's probably just me... I'll advise the Ranger at Skyworld that you're coming through in case you don't make it back to the skytrain (which takes you from the Valley floor up) in time!' The look on some of the ladies faces was almost priceless!!

I'm sure they made it, but I left warning anyway and the Ranger did say he'd head back along the route at 4pm to meet them if they hadn't turned in. Bless.

THURSDAY

This was a fairly easy day, I wanted to just chill and have an easy day so walked some of the 'boardwalk' routes along the top of the Katoomba gorge. Pretty overcast day but still great views. I sat down at one point and out of the corner of my eye, I saw some movement out of my left eye, which was a liquid-like up and down movement - very strange. I swivel my eyes and slowly turn the head and there's an Ghecko / Iguana / Monitor just inches from my face - it was so well camoflagued!! I felt like the comic book villain as I slowly reached for my camera whilst we eye-balled each other! IN the event, it clicked and squaked at me and scampered up the cliff, which was a shame, but I really couldn't believe it!! Tomorrow off to the Jenolan caves if I can get the van started quickly.

FRIDAY

Up at 6 to phone in the van with the RAC here - guy is out pretty quick - apparently the ignition is showing a very weak spark - coil is f*cked and the leads are in a bad way too apparently. Not good! After the tow and the mechanics having a look (lots of sighing and shaking of heads - think it was for my benefit though!) the van costs 300 bucks to fix and I get out at about 1.30 in the afternoon - had enough now, so head home but like Arnie, I'll be Bach!

The drive back was OK, quite nice - and if anyone gets the chance to drive into Sydney along the Parramatta highway from the Blue Mountains, please do so. Just before Parramatta, you crest this hill and you see the skyline of Sydney CBD in front of you, surrounded by green and forest. It's an amazing shot and ignoring Parramatta around you, the view is just as I'd imagine a near future city. I couldn't get a shot as it was past too quickly but I can advise it!

By the way, does anyone know why the Blue Mountains are Blue? You can leave the answers on the comments section, I'll get the winner a beer next decade when I get back to Blighty!!

Meal and drink-poo's with Neil and Troods

2006-06-27T16:10:00.000+10:00

Neil and Troods - bless 'em, wanted to take me out for a meal to say thanks for all the help at the wedding and what not - how cool is that?! Very decent too! And indeed, as Trudles points out, both her and Neily love a good night out too - waytago!!

So, Friday night, off we trot to Australia Square, which isn't a square at all - Neil and Trudi had booked a table at the revolving restaurant at the top of the tower - which revolves and so over the meal you can get a 360 degree view around Sydney - how cool? VERY! Of course, we had to get there first and after getting out of the taxi - Neil claimed he actually hadn't been here before and wasn't even sure if this was it....! Classic Wassell! I know Neil well, but even I couldn't tell if he meant it!!

Well, here we are - finally seated and tucking into our vino! I took loadsa pix of the views - but this is one major complaint about my digital camera - it just won't take the distance and night shots very well - mind you - who the fuck am I? David Bailey?!

You'll have to take my word for it that the views were cooooo-el!! It takes just over 90 minutes for the restaurant to revolve 360 degree's. For the nerds amongst us, the motors are mere 12 hp and the gears are so fine, they costs a million bucks..... and yup - German made!!

We were there for 2, nearly 3 revolutions......!! That's boozh for ya. It was a bit confusing when I got in as I put my jumper on the rail by the side of the table and 20 minutes later, noticed it had gone walkies!! Getting up to walk around the restaurant feeling a bit foolish, the waiter pointed out that this often happens and you find people going home with the wrong jackets when they're pie-eyed and what not!!

The other thing this place can do is the dessert! Look how fancy-dan this chocolate orgy is (or whatever it was called!!). Neil and I sure showed it though.... ;-0).

These 2 vagabonds are Lisa and Danni, who went with Neil and Troods on a safari tour of South Afrika-ka-ka! And here they are with Troods and Neil.
They hadn't seen Danni since then apparently. It's funny, because I'd met Danni a few times in the past and found her aloof to the point of ignorance. I actually thought she was gay, she was so mono-syllabic to guys. That said, this night she was with an old fuck buddy from way back when and so was all sweetness and light and actually was very charming. It was even the first time I'd seen her laugh!! Maybe it was just me! Of course, I'd told Neil and Troods how I'd found Danni in the past so I looked a right muppet! Never mind, all's well that ends well!!

As for the lemon....? I can't remember - did someone 'liberate' it? One of those things that seemed a great idea at the time! In fact, I think he lemon made it to the Casino with us all where it won 100 bucks on the roulette - or was that Neil and Troods? I won some dosh too, so everyone retired happy! Only wierd thing was that the texas hold 'em poker had a queuing system on the go which was taking 2-3 hours - even at 2am!! There you go, whoever said the Aussies don't have a gambling problem?! Have to say, btw, that the Casino was very impressive - I'm expecting big things from Bris-Vegas!!

The new girl in my life...

2006-06-27T16:05:00.000+10:00

So here she is, the new gal in the Captain's life! After my very heavy night last night for my birthday, I overslept and was 2 hours late for picking up the van! Nevermind!! Guillaume was cool about it - so we did the deal and bless, Guillaume's lass, Sophie, had a little cry!!I knew then that the van had been well loved and am hoping the same love is reciprocated to me! Just need a name now.... any suggestions?

It's a cool little van though: Fridge (which runs off a battery as well!), cooker which swings out and so you can cook inside or out!! Plenty of storage in the rear under the bed, which is very roomy compared to the others that I've seen!! I'll have to treat you all to some pix of the inside - but only by request!! ;-0)

Wahey, a cheeky bottle of water at Cove River!!

View from the bridge Captain! Notice the latest cool-aid stone guard at the bottom of the picture!!

Wow - Lightspeed - Warp 1 Million! Yup - 80 whole kph!! Ta da!

Guillaume and Sophie were a cool couple - have to say. G was very eager to share all of his knowledge about the van and there were always loads of little tricks and foibles he kept remembering - oh, the back door opens to the left...!! Amanda and I went out with G and Sophies mid-week - about 2 days before they were heading to Hong Kong prior to heading bak to France and we had a great night - nice and boozy!! What night isn't where I'm involved!! Good luck you 2 and stay in touch.

The Captain's birthday... 21 again!

2006-06-23T11:45:00.000+10:00

Wow, another day and another year older. This getting older lark comes around far too often for my liking. I can remember clear as a bell my 26th Birthday in Russia and yet that was 6 (SIX) years ago! My god, where does the time go to huh?!

The great thing, to my mind, about birtrhdays in Oz is the way they celebrate them here. The whole focus is on it being 'your day', so that you really do feel that you've done something special and the day is easily remembered!

For me, the Saturday kicked off with a rush around trying to find a Campervan - Amanda had suggested we look at the vans at the King's Cross Car Market and despite my initial misgivings, we found some corkers! I especially liked a van owned by a French Couple, Guillaume and Sophie, who were very fond of the old seadog, which was important for me as it shows that they had cared for the Van. It was also well put together, with Fridge, swing out cooker and fold away seat / bed - which was a real winner as in all the other vans I've seen, the bed is normally constructed like a jigsaw puzzle!! I managed to book a mechanical inspection for the Sunday and so left the car park very excited indeedy. To celebrate, Amanda and I strolled down to Woolloomooloo along the quayside there and I treated myself to a chilli-burger from the famous 'Harry's Cafe De Wheels', which has got to be the only fast-food stall that's famous anywhere in the World. The buggers didn't want a picture of me though!

Saturday evening, Amanda has arranged for a meal for us both, what a sweetheart and it's a beautiful fusion style restaurant with a mix of Asian foods - Thai, Chinese and some Tibetan / Indian - mainly roti and Naan breads. The food was delicious and the set up was excellent as well - a very tidy and compact little place with lounging areas. However, being Mr sensible, I opted for a table and chairs!! Yeah Baby!! Pretty 'maggoted' when we left, we mooched down Kings Cross to the Irish bar at the end, but cxan't remember the name! Excellent choons on from some cover bands and we got nicely toasted over the next few hours! I even got up and turned a few times on the dance floor - yup - that's how maggoted I was!! On leaving, there was a young kid, 17/18 yo, in a Mercedes SLK convertible waiting on a red at the lights - music blaring, revving his engine!! I couldn't help myself, consumed with penis envy and so I shouted over at him, something along the lines of 'Oi, turn the music up, we can't hear it...' and 'Oi, does Daddy know you've borrowed his car...' Not very funny, but in my pissed state I really felt the guy wanted to be noticed so I lovingly shared some attention 'Kirky-style'!! An ex once told me that young kids shoot you foir less in Oz, but luckily for me the kid was trying to ignore me... or maybe he couldn't hear me...! Still, I knew then I'd had the 'one too many'!!

So, desperately hungover on Sunday and was off to meet Frederico, my old flatmate for a few beers. I'd threatened Neil and Trudi with my cooking a Sunday roast when I got back from the mechanical inspection on the van! Incidentally, this went very well and after negotiations with Guillaume, we agreed a $5200 AUD price, with my turning up Monday at 10am to hand over the 'Benjamins'. How happy am I?! Unfortunately though, I was so late getting back from this, I'd failed miserably in being able to cook the meal, so Neil and Troods had taken up the cudgel, bless!! Fred was also mooching over, so a good evening was on the cards! In fact, it was better than expected, look at my little pressie...

Bless!! A lovely, home-made card with my new van on the front and also a disco-ball for fun times en-route to wherever!! This complimented Amanda's lovely and heartfelt card too, which had a lovely blessing in - thanks everyone!!

Here we are enjoying the roasty - Fred's finally made it and has an interview tomorrow, right mate? The 3 months is up now on his WHV and he has to change jobs - gutted!!

Trudi made this cake herself, what a sweetie - and let me tell ya, it was very tasty too!! The wine was flowing freely however and we were gearing up for a late night....

This was about midnight - modelling the latest 'White Russians' (Best type if you ask me...!). I think I got to bed about 4am.... Will I wake up in time to collect the van.....

Games night....

2006-06-23T11:39:00.000+10:00

Tonight was the night of my introduction to 'Tenjo', a conquest strategy game based on feudal Japan. Adrian, Scott, Neil and I are all fans of these types of game and this was a special treat for me by the boys - what more could you ask for? Rake of beer, packet of smokes and 3 mates who you'll try and destroy over the next 6 hours with all the skitting and p*ss-taking that goes with it!!

First though, Neil distributed his pressies for the boys from the Land of Smiles! Here Adrian models a very tasteful 'Buddha' ashtray...!

Scott here models his new 'McPhucked' T-shirt along with his Georgian hat - originally owned by Stalin...?! The hat that is, not the T-shirt!!

I seem to recall that the rules took about 2 hours to explain, but we managed to get started - here the game is set out and we've begun the play - the board set-up is like nothing I've ever seen before but it is a clever game, well put together and very balanced.

This one's for Neil - I was playing him at Axis and Allies and rolled 4 snakes-eyes for my submarine first-strikes! Neil's face is 'gutted from Sydney'! A very satisfying moment as normally it's Neil who gets the luck of the draw with the spawny dice rolls! Take THAT Sir!!

Also, despite Neil giving me a good spannering, I still won.... Heh heh. The Captain of all I survey!!

This one's for you Russco - Silly pointing expressions!!

2006-06-21T16:47:00.000+10:00

Ben and Bianca's wedding - Boozher - Part 2

2006-06-21T16:44:00.000+10:00

As you can no doubt tell, we were all on the rails by this point!! A selection of the gang trying to look sober here for the camera - are they succeeding.... the viewer can decide!!

As is often the case when I'm shedded, I think I can dance. I often also think I can sing too, but luckily for you lot, I can't put MP3's on here...yet!!

Drunk? Never!

L-R: Brett, Geordie, Dan, Pascale and some drunken twat!!

Great arse hey? No? Well fuck ya, I thought so!!

Ben and Bianca's wedding - Boozher

2006-06-21T11:55:00.000+10:00

Best Man and the Groom - Think Sam found the flash too bright!!

L-R: The three musketeers! Mark, Sam and Ben.

These three were always in trouble at school apparently!!

L-R: Brett, Geordie, Dan and a very drunken Captain...!

L-R: Brett, Dan (back to the funny faces again!) and c'est moi.

Reckon the cameraman had his winkle out, eh Neil?!

Ben and Bianca's wedding - Reception pix!

2006-06-21T11:21:00.000+10:00

There was a band on later who were pretty good and following Sam’s performance, I took the opportunity to point out to the lead singer that Sam, the Best Man, played and was pretty good. I think in truth he was tipped off by a few people and waytago Sam, up he gets – here he is, coming to a boozer near you!

I'm demonstrating the full swig while focussed on another subject - see guys CAN multi-task!

This was just before we tossed poor Ben into the pool....

Like Ben's new headband....?!

L-R: Brett, Peel and the Captain.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end and we all had to decamp to the Oirish boozer for…. Yep, more beer!! There’s some good stories still left, so on we go…

Saturday 22nd April 2006 - Reception

2006-06-21T11:10:00.000+10:00

A lovely couple that I met at the wedding! The veranda where we were to have the meal is just behind. It's a beaut (mate) - Awwww Yeah!!

Wahey, my favourite part – the beer! The veranda we were seated on was lovely, looking out over the vineyard as the sunset. Stupidly, I only took video, so can’t show you all, but you get the picture…. Green fields, sun setting over the horizon, loads of red and magenta hues…!

The food was lovely, I remember, but my god, the wino and champers has caught me up!! Ben and Bianca have done me proud, thanks kids, I’m seated next to all the hot and single chix – wahey!! There’s an advantage to being the wedding crasher!! Even if I'm so puddled that I can't string a sentence together!! I've also got Johnny Knox as minder, but he's a cool wingman, running interference!!

So Duane, Speeches mate! First up was the Father of the Bride – Ken. I’d met Ken earlier and had had a good natter with him. (Check the left hand pic!!)

I really don’t know how it is that Bianca is such a chatty type because Ken really is quite and retiring! As I’d mentioned before methinks, one of the best wedding speeches I’d heard before was merely 2 weeks prior when Duane delivered, IMHO, a top drawer Best Man’s speech for Neily and Troods. However, Ken was up there! One of the first things that Ken explained was that Bianca, in her rush to get over to Blighty, left ‘Puddles’ the poor feline at home with Mom and Pops! So, 7 years later, Ken is tabling an invoice to Ben for the upkeep of his new wife’s old cat – welcome to the family mate! There was also a brilliantly funny moment, where Ken was soliloquising about the Australian and NZ relations with regard tgo Anzac day next week but of course, he’d forgotten Jamil, our Turkish cameraman and who is due to get married to the Bridesmaid, Charlene I think later this year! Good on ya Jamil, he chips in with ‘…and Turkey’ as just the right moment. Maybe you had to be there but it was good!

As mentioned, the beers were catching me up but I do remember Bianca’s very funny moments in her speech(es)! First was her endearing way of beginning a story before drifting off the point and forgetting where she was before exclaiming ‘…oh yeah, I’ve got it…’ as other people who knew the story shouted up prompts!! The other endearing memory is of Ben’s workout at Bianca’s behest.:

‘Ben, how many ‘standy-uppys’ was it mate?!’

By the way, it was light when Bianca started this story...!!

Pascale demonstrates the cake - Ben's Sister and a gorgeous gal - who can cook as well - she made the wedding cake. Where can I get one?!

Ben and Bianca - Wedding Ceremony

2006-06-07T22:30:00.000+10:00

Yet another beautiful day – the bus arrives on time to collect us, although there were some grumblings about picking us up from the digs rather than Nathan and I walking down to the entrance – I mean, in suits? In this weather? With this hangover?! Mind you, that said, there was a no show from Dan and Bex – ‘oh dear’ we’re thinking, they’ve overslept! I offer to walk up and see if they’re there – which they’re not! Off we go then! I’m sweating, btw!! We get somewhere and the bus starts going offroad – towards a lake… before pullin round near a lovely housed area with a veranda over-looking a couple of vineyards – well, it’s the Hunter Valley right?! Turns out that Dan and Bex are there, along with everyone else, we’re practically the latest to arrive, with the exception of Geordie and Co’, but as they’re family…!

Sam is there with his guitar, I’m told that he wrote the song himself. It’s very beautiful though, as we get to hear it on a false start thinking that Biance is on her way! She’s certainly taking the chix prerogative and keeping poor Ben waiting – He looks like he’s very cool, calm and collected! Probably savouring these last minutes of bachelorhood! When B does arrive, she looks great, simple white dress and the style, to my un-fashion-educated eye looks almost colonial, as does the best girl’s outfit. I’m told that it’s a 1940’s style, but I wouldn’t know!

The coolest thing about this service though is that Ben and Bianca have written their own vows for each other. It took me back to Neil and Troods wedding and got me thinking again, but no drama’s this time (mate!). Ben told me afterwards that he’d struggled for months trying to find the right words for the vows, but when he sat down, really sat down and asked himself what he loved about Bianca, the words just came out easily! I bet! After a pretty short service, we were able to get into the Champers (wippee!) and I had a good long natter with Bianca’s Dad, Ken. What a funny guy, which turns out to be hilarious at his speech. Duane, about on a par with yours mate, it was THAT good!

A coupla of the guests! Neil and Trudles. Bless.

Two good looking lads!!

Sam's jacket goes on tour - Part 2!

2006-06-03T20:36:00.000+10:00

Following the exertions, the coat obviously needed a drink, but I think we felt we'd exhausted our idea's pretty quickly (at least i had anyway) before Dan weighed in with a few! He grabbed the jacket and camera and went on tour with Johnny. We got to see the pictures when they got back and I luv 'em! I'm sure you'll agree that the pix are hilarious - or maybe you just had to be there. I think the facial expressions are priceless and Sam, just for you buddy!!

Ooops, you've caught me having a pish...

What no toilet roll?!

We'll find Sam in here right?!

Sam's jacket goes on tour!

2006-06-03T20:07:00.000+10:00

So there we were, a bit the worse for wear and deciding whether we should knock it on the head when one of the bar staff comes over and picks up Sam's jacket - asking if this is anyone's. It turns out that Sam, in his haste to leave with Ben and Bi, forgot his jacket and had rung the pub to find it! Johnny Knox developed a malicious gleam as he told the bar girl that we'd make sure that Sam got the jacket back, before announcing that we should take the jacket on tour - great idea!

Here's the lovely Rebecca modelling the afore-mentioned jacket!

A few predictables - yeah, me trying to hump it - funny huh! I thought it was at the time!

The poor jacket needed a ciggie after that sesh!

Dan gets up close and personal!

God knows - but look at the expressions!

Friday 22nd April 2006

2006-06-01T17:26:00.000+10:00

Friday night knee's up and the adventure of Sam's Jacket...

Managed to hire a groovy little Toyota people-carrier – split between 5 people it’s less than 100 bucks each – easy! Very comfy as well and nice driving position – the only chew was that the car was a mite underpowered for my liking and wallowed a bit in the corners but guess that was to do with the weight in the back – there was this lass Donna….!!

Enjoyed the drive up, turning off at Cessnock to get into the Lower Hunter Valley. The area is nice and when you get into the Hunter, you start recognising all the farm names as you’ve drunk them in the past! Cool huh! The thing that got me was how small they all were – I mean, it seems amazing that they sell as many bottles as they do considering the sizes of the vineyards that I could see. Never mind, nice wines one and all!

Left - Michael - the fireplace...?!

The digs I’d booked with Nathan were awesome – our own bathrooms, fully stocked kitchen and even a working fire-place bless! I could bring a girl here, it's very romantic. Ben - nice one mate – I see how poor Bianca fell for ya mate!! ;-0)

Nathan I hadn’t met yet but Ben had assured us both we’d get on – I’d had a chat with Nathan over the phone and e-mail, so seemed a nice lad – but for his alter-ego – ‘John Knox’, but more of that in a while!

L-R - Sam (green t-shirt), Ben and Bianca. Lot's of random other punters who were at their wedding....!!

Our first port of call was the local (only) boozer. I gamely volunteered to drive down, but once I’d determined that taxi’s were available, the car keys were forgotten and it was beer o’clock!! The only downer was that this place was an Irish theme bar – I’m sorry to all (you too Aine and Irene!) but when I’m abroad, I try to avoid all UK and Ireland-themed boozers – seems such a shame to be in another Country and going to a bar like that. I’ll confess that being in Tomsk (Russia) and finding that all the expats insisted on hanging out in the ‘Firkin’ there really has coloured me! Just think, if the Chechen’s drank, they’d know just where to find some juicy targets!!

Troods caught in the act of downing the Captain's pint. In the background, the ubiquitous Johnny Knox!!

On a plus note of course, they do serve beer in pints …. Wahey! You can imagine my consternation when I went to the bogs only to return to an empty pint – downed by Trudles of all people! She did kindly get me another, which Neil then skulled!! Notice a theme here?! The thing was, the orchestrator was none other than John Knox – my erstwhile roomie – Nathan! He’d been on a scout around the pub and discovered the local bus driver’s convention (don’t ask me!) – finding a badge of one of the drivers… I even believe he managed a free beer!! It was, needless to say, a pretty boozy evening and was nice to meet people, old and new, over a few sherbets. Mind you, as the ‘official’ wedding crasher, I can say that there were a few funny looks from some of the family when I was introduced! After a while, I’d decided to stretch the truth a wee bit and when asked, told people I didn’t know anyone here but that I believed the couple getting married were called Ben and Bianca and confided that I just got swept along by smiling and being jovial…! I think that a few poor people were on the verge of believing me when Ben and Bianca spoiled it all by coming up and hugging me and speaking to me! I mean REALLY!!

Neil, doing what he does best - skelping people's sherbets! Little did he know that I'd put a litlle pressie in there as I didn't have time to get to the toilet! That's him hearing it from me as he's downing the beer...! I wasn't quick enough to get the violent expulsion on camera!!

It also turned out that ol’ Johnnie was up to more mischievousness as well - as we later discovered that Sam, the Best Man, had left his jacket at the boozer. It turned out he’s rather fond of the jacket because he rang the pub asking for it – why didn’t he phone his friends? Hmmm, check the next instalment for ‘The Amazing Adventures of Sam’s Jacket….!!’

Build-up to Ben and Bianca’s wedding – 23rd April 2006.

2006-05-28T22:52:00.001+10:00

This week, Neil and Troods are back from their honeymoon – sounds like they’ve had a corker and that’s what it’s all about! One of the things I’d forgotten to mention, was that at Neil and Troods wedding, two of their mates, Ben and Bianca, invited me to be a guest at their wedding. Some of their friends were unable to make it and they needed a makeweight – sorry – someone of charm and personality (I know – I’m still mystified but VERY happy!!) and thus asked if I’d like to join! Would I ever Trevor! Have to laugh at this point though because the way Ben phrased the question was funny as:

[At Neil and Trudles wedding]

‘Ian, what are you doing in 2 weeks time, that weekend?’

‘Ummm, *hic*, nothing Ben. Just gonna chill on Coogee…’

Well, Bi and I are having a small bash in the Hunter that weekend and it’d be great if you can make it. Some mates aren’t able to come and the places are already booked…’

[My brain is turning, albeit slowly….]

‘Aren’t you getting married in the Hunter?’

‘Shit. YEAH. That’s what we’re doing that weekend…. Anyway, some friends can’t make it and we’d love to have ya…’

Ben - on the far right with Best Man Sam and Mark? I forget yr name dood, sorry. These three were thick as thieves at school!!

Back to the invite though, I mean, how cool is that? Ben, if you recall, is the poor lad who suffered me at his stag-do my first weekend here in Oz!! Bianca came over at that point and shouted ‘Great, we’ve got our own wedding crasher!!’

Now for me, this is manna from heaven because I had been thinking how to shoe-horn in a trip to the Hunter and now it’d been delivered to me! Hallooo!!

So, this week had been a mad dash to get accommodation and car sorted to take 5 people, as I’d be crashing Neil, Troods, Brett and Donna. No worries mate, campervan man to the rescue!!

Wahey – my first night in an Aussie hostel. Not bad actually, although I took your book Phil – Washing of the Spears. Excellent read btw. I was just 60 pages from the end at 9.30 and thinking – I could finish this when ‘KAPOW’… page 440 finished and 441 started again at page 380. NO FUCKING WAY. Misprint! I’m wide awake, just reading how Chelmsford closed the campaign and how Zululand was partitioned when it gets to a misprint. Gutted from Eastbourne! Well, I will be looking out for that book to get the last 60 pages in! Might save it for ‘Books etc’ when I get back to Blighty so’s I can drink a coupla coffee’s and finish it!

Anyway, onto the Hunter (mate)!